Originally Posted by BlackUnicorn
I've been thinking a lot today and tonight about how my history of abusive relationships might have sort of prepped me for that. I know how to deal with abuse, I know how to love people who constantly hurt me.
Oh yeah, abuse preps for more abuse, that's for sure. But knowing how to love somebody despite them constantly hurting and harming you is not really a good thing. It may not be a bad thing either, but that requires very good boundaries. Ones that don't allow the harming. You can love from a distance and sometimes that's the only healthy way.
For me abuse isn't something that can be outweighed with anything. I, for myself, have decided I will never ever put up with it now that I have a choice. Nobody deserves abuse, and nothing makes it justified (not even when there are two abusive people together, because two wrongs don't make a right). You can understand an abuser, and I do think it can be a good thing (allowing to let go of anger/resentment), but it is only a good thing if the understanding doesn't convince you that the abuse can continue. You're not doing anybody any favours with that, not even the abusive person.
I'm concerned for you and I wish you well. Take care of yourself.