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Old 03-19-2012, 02:32 AM
sealace sealace is offline
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 14
Default Attachment in secondary 'ships

Hi all,

I've written a couple of times about my ventures into secondary dating (for want of better term). To refresh, I'm a a long-distance long-term relationship that we recently opened up after I moved to another state (temporarily, most likely) for work.

My question is this: It seems like in a perfect world I could date people I liked "on the side" and see them casually but consistently for indefinite periods of time, all the while maintaining a safe emotional distance that would allow me to not feel too attached or demand too much of them. My reality is, that while this seems to work for a while, sooner or later I get emotionally (and physiologically if we're sleeping together) attached which doesn't really fit into the "plan" of a casual sex relationship. I don't want to ruin the casual vibe by bringing this up, as I dont know what good ti would do anyway.

There's one dude in particular I've been out with about 14 times since July when we met. He has a primary live-in g.f, and as I said mine is long distance so my need may be greater. He told me early on that he wasn't capable of handling more than one "serious" relationship. Talk and titles are all well and good, but the fact is the more time we spend together (mind you this man is simply one of the most gorgeous, sexy men ever) the more I can't help but feel closer to him, like him more, and get attached. And not only do I rarely see my b.f. these days but we are not having much sex.

Anyone have experience in the attachement/detachment dept? I seem to have found a couple of very attractive young men with primaries who are nonmono but for whom casual seems to be their m.o. Thoughts and insights, please? My emotions and attachment feel like a slippery slope.
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attachment, casual sex, secondary, secondary feelings, secondary partners, sex, sex negative, sex positive, sport sex

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