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Old 03-19-2012, 01:14 AM
OkNewbs's Avatar
OkNewbs OkNewbs is offline
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 59
Default How to...?

Hi there.
We're new to the scene, haven't actually ventured into it IRL, but are on the lookout for an opportunity.

Here's your warning: I'm insane. Lol. I'm a worrier & an over-thinker & extremely high-strung sometimes. Be gentle!

I (Steph) am, I think, naturally poly. I crush a lot, and even fall for people while totally committed & in love with current partner. I am now married to a wonderful man (Pat). I have never cheated, because I fear losing the one I'm with.
Not to air dirty laundry, but we had a bit of an issue with him falling for someone else a little bit, before either of us had ever imagined Poly was a real thing. In trying to heal that wound to our then-new marriage, we came across the idea of an open marriage. With a few tweaks, P & I have decided to try an actively poly lifestyle.

But it feels very complicated. We've laid ground rules & have decided on the baby steps to take in testing the water.

We believe in "the sanctity of marriage" & that our bond is the MOST important; bf/gf scenarios can be transient or long-term but we are committed to each other for life. We agree that we need to be able to accept the "extras" as good enough for each other, but we don't have to enjoy their company necessarily. In case that was too convoluted: I have to feel his gf is not going to be detrimental to his health or happiness or our marriage, but I don't have to be friends with her, and vice versa.

But we have an 18m old toddler. We want our child(ren) to know that they deserve a partner's whole heart & are worth more than some side-action. Obviously, they will be free to choose their own path at some point, and we don't want to stifle them, but at the same time we don't want to inadvertently teach them something negative. We fear that eventually the LS will not be able to be kept secret. Kids are waaay more observant than adults give credit for, oftentimes.

Can anyone out there give us some tips???
How do you keep your kids out of the loop? Once they are old enough to understand the nuances of the human heart/mind, understand that love & sexuality can be fluid (oh man...how do you come out as bi to your own child??), how do you tell them? And how do you know when they're old enough?

Then there's our "vanilla" life to think about: his work, our church , parents, etc. How do you live freely without incurring judgment, etc?

I may come across a tad neurotic, I am. I'm an over-planner. Our baby is still a baby, and we haven't put ourselves out there much right now, so it's not like an urgent matter...but can someone please put my mind at ease??
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children, kids, parenting

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