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  #21  
Old 03-17-2012, 08:04 PM
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OkNewbs OkNewbs is offline
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Very new here, but I see what polypenguin is saying.

People are inherently good or bad. However, even good people can make bad decisions when they feel they're against the wall. Poly is an alternative lifestyle. Some people feel they cannot be open about their lifestyle in everyday life, and therefore suppress their feelings until it all boils over & they do something foolish & selfish.

Not that it's right. If the world was good & right, there would be no closets to hide in because there would be no need.
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  #22  
Old 03-17-2012, 11:33 PM
polypenguin polypenguin is offline
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moral fibre is of course important, and so is the possibillity for it even happening. That may sound retorical, but it's the truth. One cannot cheat if they are not in a relationship, just as one cannot rape with willing. These may be big "ifs," but they are not unattainable. Just as being with someone who is ok with you sleeping around makes it more difficult to cheat. Impossible? No, of course not, moral fibre is where one draws the line between right and wrong. So yes moral fibre is of dire importance.
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  #23  
Old 03-18-2012, 01:40 AM
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SourGirl SourGirl is offline
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When you are trying to decide if the pressure to be monogamous is to blame, you have to take in account outside people, not just a cheater`s point of view.

Not ALL monogamous people or those who live monogamously will disown you. Not all monogamous people will preach 'their way' into your ear.
You will find acceptance from some mono folks.

Odds are, you will have mixed reactions. Some will put you down for your choices, some will tell you it`s your own life, and others will just be happy for you.

If monogamy was to 'blame' then you absolutely wouldn`t have a choice, to be who you are. The truth is, you always have a choice. Some people may have better options then others, but there is always a choice, even at a basic level.

Cheating is always a self-centered decision. There are many 'reasons' to cheat. Sometimes people have the right to be selfish, or feel they need to be. That is a different subject though.
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  #24  
Old 03-18-2012, 02:53 AM
Icewraithonyx Icewraithonyx is offline
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A couple of sore points. I'm a little bothered seeing monogamy and unrealistic expectations cited as the reason for cheating. While being unhappy is certainly a factor, I don't believe it's a direct cause. People could choose to handle their unhappiness differently, ala expressing their feelings or seeking to end the monogamous relationship. Monogamy does not MAKE people cheat.

Also, there was a statement comparing how monogamy is actually practiced (not how it should be) vs how polyamory is supposed to work. That's seems a bit unfair, matching the reality vs the ideal. Either monogamy or polyamory can be a healthy situation if done right. And we've all seen either mono or poly become big flaming balls of screwup when done badly. Again, that doesn't make either suck more or less.

Also, I'm the mono husband of a poly wife, FWIW.
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  #25  
Old 03-18-2012, 03:23 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lacunacoil View Post
it's a pretty powerful little story to me. thanks so much for sharing.
Seconded.
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  #26  
Old 03-19-2012, 03:51 PM
polypenguin polypenguin is offline
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like i'de mentioned earlier, mono and poly both have their problems, I agree completely. Both idea situations are great, and both can and are constantly in a state of change, for better or worse. People can lie just as easily as the other.
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  #27  
Old 03-20-2012, 05:53 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by OkNewbs View Post
People are inherently good or bad.
I don't believe this for a second, lol.
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  #28  
Old 04-02-2012, 10:27 AM
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Would Ginger have lied about going to the beach with Jill if she didn't have to?

If you put people in a position where they feel they need to lie they will.

Just because people don't have to lie, doesn't mean they won't.
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  #29  
Old 04-02-2012, 11:00 PM
polypenguin polypenguin is offline
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oh, the tangled webs we weave.
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  #30  
Old 04-03-2012, 12:57 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mudita View Post
Would Ginger have lied about going to the beach with Jill if she didn't have to?

If you put people in a position where they feel they need to lie they will.

Just because people don't have to lie, doesn't mean they won't.
Agreed. I believe that people do what they do in order to maximize happiness and/or to minimize unhappiness, and if someone believes that lying will serve this goal better then being honest, then that's what they'll do.
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