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  #321  
Old 09-05-2011, 12:33 AM
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I just came back from poly camp where I met lots of kids of poly parents. One of the older ones told me that he number one bit of advice was to not try and pull the wool over the eyes of kids. The best thing her parents ever did was fess up to what was going on for them.
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  #322  
Old 11-10-2011, 09:23 PM
riftara riftara is offline
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Default Children

Does anyone on here have children from two of their loves? either two women who both have kids - in the same household or not - with the same love or vise versa.

if so, was it planned or an accident? How is the relationship dynamic between the kids?

What was difficult during the pregnancies?
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  #323  
Old 12-05-2011, 11:15 PM
Mecka Mecka is offline
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Question The law and children?

I am new to polyamory. One of my partners has a three year old son who i adore. Her mother has threatened to take her son from her if she continues in our relationship. I just wondered if it would be possible for the state to take her son from her for being in a poly relationshi?
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  #324  
Old 12-05-2011, 11:56 PM
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It depends where you live. In the province I live in (BC) they can send me and my partners to jail for five years just for celebrating our union in some way.

You might want to do a tag search for "children" "law" and see what comes up. It is a topic that has been written about here before.
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  #325  
Old 12-06-2011, 12:12 AM
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It has happened to some people, but sometimes if the judge sees that there is no abuse nor anything inappropriate going on for the children to be exposed to, they are returned. However, it is not something to be taken lightly. Depending on where you are, and the circumstances of family members threatening such action, many poly families to not come out publicly about their situations.

The best thing for your partner to do is consult an attorney where you live. And you might want to lay low for a while and not flaunt the relationship, unfortunately.
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  #326  
Old 12-06-2011, 02:14 AM
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Check lovemore.com it gives a little information on this and yes its possible the child can be taken just because of your relationship. Poly is not easily understood by many and those are the ones that consider it immoral and unfortunately in the US 99.9% of the judicial system is made of people like that.
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  #327  
Old 12-06-2011, 04:58 AM
mennodaughter mennodaughter is offline
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What you are talking about is grandparent rights. In general, all but a few states in the US no longer have grandparent rights. In fact, the very concept has been rule unconstitutional. However, since it involves civil law, it will take each state having a case rise that high in the court system, or the legislature overruling the laws, before it will be revoked.

In no state in the US do grandparent rights extend in a situation where an intact, nuclear family exists. So, if legal mother and legal father are legally married, then no grandparents can interfer and attempt to exert control for custody or visitation. In the states where grandparent rights do exist, this does not pertain to any non-intact family aka any configuration other than the aforementioned one.

So, suing for custody may or may not even be an option where you live. She needs to consult an attorney. Lots of angry grandparents can say stuff like this. Only a lawyer can tell you if it's even a possibility in your circumstances.

However, there is also the risk of someone calling Social Services and a child welfare determination that something puts the child at risk. Normally, Social Services tries to not remove children unless absolutely necessary. However, that is not guaranteed.

My husband and I are the legal parents of all of our children and are legally married. Our children are at no risk from outsiders because we are able to protect them. However, our partner is a single mother with a contentious ex. For that reason, we have all agreed we must remain very careful until her children are completely safe from outside interference. We cannot protect her children in the same way we can protect ours. We can best protect them by not being open in ways that would put her and her children at risk.
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  #328  
Old 12-08-2011, 01:34 AM
swfltriad swfltriad is offline
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Default Get professional Leagl help

We had a child custody issue go really badly becasue our lawyer sucked and was prepared!

This was more on a pending divorce fromt he sx. But there are case laws in every area.

We have had State child protective services come to see us and cleared us, we have our children and are activity in youth sports (coaches) and those back ground checks are cleared.

We are porfessionals and the ex even filed complainants to our bosses and those were shoot.

If it wasn't for a better lawyer we would have to appeal the first ruling.
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  #329  
Old 03-15-2012, 10:09 PM
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My wife and I are just now trying to figure out what to tell our children - girls, ages 9 and 12 - about my developing relationship with another woman. They know I've been spending time with her, and know I spent the night at her apartment this past Monday.

My wife and I treated it as the most ordinary thing in the world, having daddy spend the night away from home, even though I wasn't going out of town.

That's all they know officially, though I have reason to think our 12-year-old suspects more than that. She may be worried about it: whenever I mention the name of my new love, she gets very quiet.

Reading this thread confirms my instinct: it's difficult to strike the balance between too much information and too little. Erring to much, either way, could be bad.

I'm planning to bring this up over dinner, in an hour or so. We've laid some of the groundwork, in the past year, by emphasizing that, even though my partner and I are married, we do not own one another.

That will be our starting point, I think: partnership, not ownership . . . and a partnership based on honesty, consent, and trust that doesn't exclude close relationships with others.

Beyond that, we'll just have to improvise.

Probably the most important thing will be to offer the reassurance that the new relationships my wife and I each develop do not change anything essential about our partnership, or our commitment to the girls.

Of course, the best-laid plans . . .
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  #330  
Old 03-16-2012, 08:13 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hyperskeptic View Post
Reading this thread confirms my instinct: it's difficult to strike the balance between too much information and too little. Erring to much, either way, could be bad.
Well I'd say be ready for the worst but expect the best I told my now 14 year old daughter maybe 3 months ago or so. On some level she may have known, but it still came as a surprise. She was incredibly open to the idea and I think that comes from our family discussing things like tolerance of religion/orientation and how not everyone conforms to society's 'norms' and that's OK. She had some questions centered around jealousy...and we addressed them. I gave her a G rated version of the relationship because she does not need details, she can fill in the blanks. So far, so good.

My son was not told anything. He's turning 11 soon and started to notice how much I 'liked' my boyfriend and how I was spending time with him by going over regularly. He told me just the other day that he could tell I 'liked' him and that I was probably 'socially' attracted to him. That last bit almost make me laugh uncontrollably :P (he obviously meant sexually attracted but misheard and misspoke the term and that was priceless, lol.)

All I did was agree that I liked him and told my son we got along well. He was satisfied with that. I'll deal out info as required, in small amounts since he's still a bit young.

Good luck with your plans
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