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Old 03-15-2012, 08:54 AM
Cleo Cleo is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Europe
Posts: 485

Originally Posted by NovemberRain View Post
..oh but wait, there IS! It's called 'asking.'
No need for that pesky trial and error thing.

(said with all the love in my heart ~ not trying to be snarky)
For me asking is not the cure.. for every answer that I get there is another question.
For me the cure is accepting that I will never know completely whats going on when I'm not there. Or, for that matter, that I will / can never no for sure what's going on in my husbands head! When he stares into space, do I assume he's thinking about her? Do I ask him every time I assume this? that would soon drive him crazy
Or do I accept that I just cannot know?
At first that will make me feel empty and insecure.
But when I really accept it, it makes me feel free.
Cleo - forties straight female
Ren - husband of 20 + years
Bo - BF of 3 years
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Old 03-15-2012, 12:31 PM
polyq4 polyq4 is offline
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Ottawa
Posts: 106

The other night my GF and I were downstairs watching tv , my wife was upstairs with her bf (my gf's hubby, we are a quad). We decided to go upstairs and see what was going on to find my wife on top and the two of them just finishing. It was so nice to see them happy. Then my gf and I got undressed and proceeded to have some enjoyable time together. The other two left after a bit. And just as the two of us were coming, it was a strong one for us and I kinda made a funny noise which the other two heard, now it's something they are teasing us with , and it's kinda funny we have all been laughing about.

So is there an opportunity for jealousy in this of course, but when you can get to that place of compersion and be happy for the others all the rest cums together. We have a strong understanding the four of us that no one is going anywhere anytime soon.
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Old 03-15-2012, 06:04 PM
Ready2Fly Ready2Fly is offline
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 45

Cleo, Sugarbooger, other jealous lovers:

We all feel jealousy sometimes. Poly people are not Nietzschean Supermen, miraculously grown beyond all human emotion. I recommend that instead of letting jealousy beat you into misery, that you take it as an opportunity for introspection and communication.

Jealousy doesn't mean that you're unfit for poly; it means that you fear something. Ask yourself seriously what that fear is. Why does the idea of them boning for 2.5 hours upset you? Why does his staring into space make you insecure? Is it because you feel like he might be better than you in bed, that she'll steal him away? That you're sexually inadequate? See if you can have a real conversation with your amygdala about this. Then have a real conversation with your lover.

"I feel inadequate when I imagine you two going at it. Until I've gotten used to the idea, I need your support. I need you to tell me you like boning me too and that it's not a contest. I need you to tell me that once and hour our so. " Or whatever.

And then, once you've done that, you can train some of that jealousy away. Usually jealousy makes you instinctively want to do exactly the worst thing for the relationships. So train yourself that when you feel jealousy, you do the exact opposite of what it's telling you to do. When it tells you to imagine the other two boning, don't do that, and have a jack-off session starring Angelina Jolie. If you're compelled to ask him who he's thinking about, don't do that, and tell him who you're thinking about instead.

And, I think, most importantly, get to know your metamours. Go to dinner and a movie. have girl talk. Go to the bars. Give gifts. Knowing and loving the metamour brings all three of you together.
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envious, envy, jealous, jealousy

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