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Old 03-14-2012, 09:59 PM
HotPepper HotPepper is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Currently in Australia
Posts: 20
Default Coming Out as a Poly to Your Mono Partner

Did you start out your life not realising you were Poly? Or not admitting to yourself and your mono partners that you were poly (ie., maybe because you felt too guilty about being poly and could not bring yourself to tell them)?

Have you been in long-term mono relationships, and let them go because they were not fulfilling your needs to love and be loved by more then one person?

Did you decide, at some point, that you needed to open yourself up to your mono partner and explain that in fact, you were poly?


I'm asking these questions of everyone because I am at that point in my life.

I have been in 2 long term mono relationships. The first I ended because I wanted to experience lasting, long-term relationships with other people but did not know how to go about explaining it to my partner. So I ended it rather then admit to what I was. At that time, I had never heard of polyamory and thought there was something wrong with me.

My 2nd relationship, which I have been in for 13 years now, is going the same way as the first. I can see myself leaving in order to pursue what I now have to admit is my real personality. I can not cure myself of polyamory. And quite frankly, after studying for some time now, I can tell you I no longer feel polyamory to be an disease and no longer feel guilty. That's been a big step for me, and as a lurker on this forum for some time, I know I will find like-minds here who can relate to my story.

If you answered yes to my questions above, can you please tell me your experiences? I'm not looking for advice on how to tell my partner that I'm poly, but I am wondering if there are approaches people have used that maybe I haven't thought of.

My mono partner is a very vulnerable person, an understanding soul but very nervous about non-traditional beliefs. Hence just "coming out" and being honest may in fact be very painful to them. And yet hiding who I am to them seems dishonest. It's a bit of a catch-22.

Thanks for reading my post and my thanks to everyone in this community who have given me the power to say This Is Who I Am. Being poly IS who I am, I have always been polyamorous in theory, just never in practice.
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communication, opening up a marriage

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