Wow, this sounds like us/me big time. I was so exhausted after I first experienced the emotional commotion of two men in my life. When I came back from Lin I needed my adjustment time and time to process things. After the first visit of Lin at our home, Sward and I got into a fight because I was still in 'recharge' phase and couldn't tend to him the way I would have normally because I was just exhausted by the required level of emotional output poly was asking of me to provide.
Let me tell you, as insecure, strained and overwhelmed as you feel by this situation, she feels the same. The reasons are different but the intensity isn't. Give yourself some time and grant her the same. An overwhelming week, an overwhelming event as soon as she came home, don't put her under pressure even more, she needs some time to take a deep breath.
Facts: 30, female, bi, v-type relationship with Sward (husband, straight, mono) and Lin (boyfriend, straight, mono), poly-fi and co-primary.