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  #81  
Old 03-12-2012, 06:32 PM
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Anneintherain Anneintherain is offline
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Man KyleKat, next time I have a reason to get stressed about anything poly related going on in my life, I am going to use you as an example of a role model if you don't mind. I wouldn't mind adding a bit more restraint, control and self reliance to my repertoire!

I hope you guys have a lovely time catching up when she gets home tomorrow
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  #82  
Old 03-12-2012, 09:07 PM
KyleKat KyleKat is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Anneintherain View Post
Man KyleKat, next time I have a reason to get stressed about anything poly related going on in my life, I am going to use you as an example of a role model if you don't mind. I wouldn't mind adding a bit more restraint, control and self reliance to my repertoire!

I hope you guys have a lovely time catching up when she gets home tomorrow
Now if I could just learn to show restraint and have a cool head when my wife asks for new outfit or when we fight because one of us moved the iPhone charger. Or other stupid little crap that turn into mega fights. I guess it goes to show that I really do believe in poly instead of just agreeing to make her happy (something she was worried about, but I reassured her that's not the case long ago).

If nothing else this week has shown me how much I need her in my life and how much she does for me. I had already started but I'm going to be a lot more attuned to her needs and her wishes from now on.
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Kyle: 27 year old male
Katie (rymmare): 25 year old female
Kids: girl: 5 years old, boy: 3 years old
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  #83  
Old 03-13-2012, 03:44 AM
KyleKat KyleKat is offline
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It's 10:35 PM. I'm stressing out. I've been cleaning the house in an attempt to (distract myself) make it presentable for my wife, although the only room that's messy is the one I'm currently in. I've barely been in this house this week so there wasn't really anything to clean. I've done a few loads of laundry and put away the towels and what not.

I should probably finish up and go to bed but I am so anxious for her return tomorrow plus my surprise that's in store for her. I should set out my clothes for tomorrow. I should stop thinking that this week has changed everything. It has because we're officially "poly". It hasn't because it changes nothing about how I feel about her or the situation since a week ago.

Do I want to know details? Do I want to stay in the dark? I don't know. All I know is that the suspense is killing me.

Needed to vent. I'm okay... *twitch*

Is it Tuesday yet?
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"Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is the regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable." - Sydney Smith

Kyle: 27 year old male
Katie (rymmare): 25 year old female
Kids: girl: 5 years old, boy: 3 years old
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  #84  
Old 03-13-2012, 04:37 AM
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LadyKane LadyKane is offline
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It's almost Tuesday!
You're doing great!!
Maybe write down and reflect on your feelings, so later you can look back on them and say "Wow. I remember how I felt that night." Or so your wife can, should the tables ever be turned and she is anxiously awaiting your arrival home.

Keep calm and carry on.
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  #85  
Old 03-13-2012, 04:40 AM
KyleKat KyleKat is offline
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Originally Posted by LadyKane View Post
It's almost Tuesday!
You're doing great!!
Maybe write down and reflect on your feelings, so later you can look back on them and say "Wow. I remember how I felt that night." Or so your wife can, should the tables ever be turned and she is anxiously awaiting your arrival home.

Keep calm and carry on.
I'm quite sure I'll be returning to this thread often to remember how I felt. I hate it when I have a panic attack. I still feel anxious but your comment helped so thank you!

Stupid anxiety.
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"Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is the regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable." - Sydney Smith

Kyle: 27 year old male
Katie (rymmare): 25 year old female
Kids: girl: 5 years old, boy: 3 years old
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  #86  
Old 03-13-2012, 02:36 PM
RunicWolf RunicWolf is offline
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Originally Posted by KyleKat View Post
Now if I could just learn to show restraint and have a cool head when my wife asks for new outfit or when we fight because one of us moved the iPhone charger. Or other stupid little crap that turn into mega fights. I guess it goes to show that I really do believe in poly instead of just agreeing to make her happy (something she was worried about, but I reassured her that's not the case long ago).
I got a laugh out of this. BrigidsDaughter and I fight like cats and dogs sometimes over stupid shit. I mean we get mean about it. So mean we once had a friend comment "I thought I just saw a divorce happen right in front of me". Usually once the fight is done and we've cooled off, we apologize and then discuss what got us all angry in the first place if the fight didn't get it cleared up. We live by the old axiom "Better to fight and get it out in the open then to stay silent and simmer". As long as communication happens during the fight, it's all good in our book.

I applaud you and your thoughts during this. I'm not sure I'd be so restrained, but then I'm in a different situation then you are and my wife would probably be calling me once a day to touch base (she's so cute when she worries). I know being away from someone like that can be hard, and the thoughts that come with it harder still. Keep up the fantastic work and keep pushing forward. It sounds like you are on the right track in your head.
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  #87  
Old 03-14-2012, 04:11 AM
KyleKat KyleKat is offline
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She said yes!

Yesterday I went and bought a ring, got my hair cut, got my eyebrows trimmed (they were unruly, it was painful, let's move on), and shaved (rare for me).

Today I went to the build-a-bear workshop, recorded "(full name), will you marry me...again?" and then drove to pick her up. When I picked her up, I told her how our first marriage was all backwards. We had kids first, I didn't propose to her on one knee, we didn't have the wedding how or where we wanted, and we married who we thought we knew, not who we really were. Then I said, "What I guess I'm trying to say is" and had her listen to the build-a-bear while I knelt down and presented the ring. She said yes and we drove back home so she could see the kids.

On the way back she told me about her trip. Her and him are apparently not boyfriend/girlfriend and it does not appear that will change. I'm not going to share the details but I feel bad for her. I was a little frustrated by the situation at first but I understand everyone's view and I am putting it behind me.

I asked her to tell me details about their time together and realizing I wished I hadn't. She didnt share much at all and refuses to compare us but due to my own unhealthy obsession I can't help but compare. Now I'm wondering shit like was he better? Why don't we do that as often? Etc. shit that makes no fucking sense because it's a new relationship and of course you have more sex in the beginning and of course there's going to be fun stuff if you know you have a free pass. I got frustrated and wasn't able to get myself in the mood and yeah. Long story short I'm typing this on my phone instead of enjoying my wife's company. She's home. What does anything else matter? It doesn't, but apparently I had to say it here before I realized that. I'm an idiot.

She's got a lot on her plate. I just need to relax and give her time to process.
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"Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is the regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable." - Sydney Smith

Kyle: 27 year old male
Katie (rymmare): 25 year old female
Kids: girl: 5 years old, boy: 3 years old
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  #88  
Old 03-14-2012, 04:28 AM
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Anneintherain Anneintherain is offline
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Slap yourself in the head and reread that post! Stop after "She said yes and we drove back home so she could see the kids"

If she is not ignoring you and wandering around in a haze of NRE babbling about how amazing this person is (even if she IS) why are you borrowing trouble after getting through the week in such a shining fashion? If you already had insecurities about your sexual interaction with her, keep working on it, and if you didn't, why would you start thinking negatively now? The chances are pretty miniscule that different sex means better sex, and pretty good that the thought "oh I wish he was doing that like KyleKat does it instead" may have flitted through her mind at some point.

Yes, she is home. Don't let anything else matter except that she loves YOU. Glad you realize you're being an idiot
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  #89  
Old 03-14-2012, 05:22 AM
KyleKat KyleKat is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Anneintherain View Post
Slap yourself in the head and reread that post! Stop after "She said yes and we drove back home so she could see the kids"

If she is not ignoring you and wandering around in a haze of NRE babbling about how amazing this person is (even if she IS) why are you borrowing trouble after getting through the week in such a shining fashion? If you already had insecurities about your sexual interaction with her, keep working on it, and if you didn't, why would you start thinking negatively now? The chances are pretty miniscule that different sex means better sex, and pretty good that the thought "oh I wish he was doing that like KyleKat does it instead" may have flitted through her mind at some point.

Yes, she is home. Don't let anything else matter except that she loves YOU. Glad you realize you're being an idiot
This is our problem. She is much less emotionally driven than I am and that leads to my frustration when she isn't bouncing off the walls over me. I know she wasn't thinking "this guy is so much better than my husband" because I know my wife, but after having an emotionally charged day preceded by an emotionally void week, I lost it. I ended up going downstairs to sleep on the couch so we wouldn't fight, she asked me to come back up, asked me what was wrong, I told her that after a week apart all I wanted was her affection, she told me if I hadn't been so busy picking a fight and reading into her emotions (which I am more than clear on how she works and apparently chose to ignore it like a moron), we fought, she cried, I felt horrible and calmed her down. We talked, and she told me that she's just burnt out from all the emotions she's been feeling from this past week. For someone that's pretty low key on the emotional scale it was probably traumatizing to have been like that for a week straight. She said it felt like one big first date. A week long first date. I can't even imagine how awesome that would be for me and how miserable that would be for her.

I told her she needs to tell me these things up front so I don't sit there wondering what the hell is wrong with me and she told me I need to stop reading into everything so much.

I'm going to do my best here to make sure this doesn't happen again. I don't know how, because it always starts with me asking her to talk about stuff and it ends with us miscommunicating. I need to come up with something, though, and move forward instead of spinning my tires in the mud.

I'm chalking this day up to us being overwhelmed. We always seem to fight after big events and a week vacation followed by me proposing is about as big as it gets.

Sincerely,
Dumbass

Edit: the only thing that worries me is that my sex drive is way higher than hers. It makes me feel insecure that she doesn't want me as much as I want her. She is gorgeous, and especially so to me, and recent events such as her losing weight and me not have made me insecure about my sexiness. I'm starting my workout regime again tomorrow which will do two things. We fight less when we exercise and I'll feel better about my body.
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"Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is the regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable." - Sydney Smith

Kyle: 27 year old male
Katie (rymmare): 25 year old female
Kids: girl: 5 years old, boy: 3 years old

Last edited by KyleKat; 03-14-2012 at 05:25 AM.
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  #90  
Old 03-14-2012, 06:03 AM
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Arrowbound Arrowbound is offline
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Your wife sounds a lot like me Kyle, lol. And you sound a lot like my husband.

Just letting you know you're not alone. We communicate VERY differently also. That will probably never change, and that's okay, because as long as you DO communicate and check in frequently things shouldn't take long to settle down.
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