How and when did you know?

[Lexithegeek]

I was with my primary for about 1.5 years and we were having problems. He was struggling with being with committed to one person so long (ex serial Monogamist) and I was struggling with being stright for so long. When he met someone he was attracted to he asked me if I would be willing to have an open relatonship. I flipped the hell out. I thought that he didnt love me, I wasn't good enough etc etc. But he didn't pressure me into anything and gave me all the time I needed. Eventually I came across the book "Ethical Slut". It gave me perspective on what he was feeling and put me in. touch with my unfulfilled needs. So we gave it a shot. I found my needs are best met in an open relationship. Havent looked back. I do ID as poly.

[lili]

I feel like it's an ongoing process. Regardless of how you term this, whether it's coming to an identity, a practice, or a lifestyle, whether it's polyamory or polysexory, I experience it as a work in progress, and I think I always will.

Early on I spent a lot of time bending my mind around what is possible, possible to love more than one person, or no? And I spent a lot of time fighting my way out of the bubble of how I've been taught to think.

As time's gone on it's turned into more of a commitment to writing my own rulebook, creating my own relationships with little cultural guidance, and breaking all the rules of "how things should be" that are pressing in from all sides. Sacrifice comes with this commitment, but of course I've experienced rewards.

My partner says he does it because it feels right. I like that. I'll do it for as long as it seems like a good idea. It's been challenging for us. It's easier to play Scrabble than it is to invent a whole new game to play. Or is it? Never know until you try.

[Sugarbooger]

When I made love to my girlfriend, realized I had feelings for her AND still loved my spouse, I knew. I also was pretty anxious because I felt like I was coming out all over again, and on a whole different level. I don't feel like I can really be out because of the kids and protecting my career in mental health services.

[onoma]

Originally Posted by lili

I feel like it's an ongoing process.

I think pretty much all of life is an ongoing process...

It's easier to play Scrabble than it is to invent a whole new game to play. Or is it? Never know until you try.

I actually played Calvinball once with some friends. It was interesting... and in many ways easier than Scrabble. Especially when I get all consonants.

[bastet]

I "knew" at a pretty young age but had no reference points. It was all friends with benefits, relationships with out major commitments etc. It wasn't until two years ago that I began to do some serious self reflection and realized that being in a strictly monogamous relationship wasn't joyful. After exploring sex parties, swinging, casual threesomes, etc it became clear that there was a key element missing: Emotional connection.

And so here I am. Discovering self anew, finding joy in new possibilities and enjoying the renewed passion sparked in my long term relationship. It's been a long trip to identifying as a person who can love more than one, from a girl who did it without definition in her youth.