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  #21  
Old 11-24-2009, 01:03 AM
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So what was in it for this woman then? How does she feel about it? How do you feel about her now? Loving? You said it was love making, not just fucking, how would you be able to not want something more from the experience if you found the kind of connection lovemaking creates?

Sorry, I just find this facinating!
She's happy that she was able to help. She has a LOT going on in her life right now-so she's not really open to dating Maca right now anyway. But she's ALWAYS been "interested" in that possibility. IF things change in ways that make that work-great. If not she is happy with being friends.
Mostly it's led to her and I have some GREAT conversations about our own emotions/fears/concerns/frustrations with our husbands, lovers, friends etc in the last two days.
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  #22  
Old 11-24-2009, 01:06 AM
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Okay, more thinking... LR and GG are different than what you experienced no? They are in love...

I think that my definition of poly may be different than yours. Perhaps that's it. I don't understand how one makes love to a friend. Is that not for lovers? I never considered it before. You had candles, massage oil, the whole bit for someone that you just hang with. Or LR hangs with? For me I guess fucking and friends fits and lovemaking and lovers fits. Sometimes lovers fuck, but friends making love kinds jars me somehow. It feels uncomfortable. I say this with all due respect. If it worked for you then great, it makes me feel uneasy for some reason. I'm hoping that someone has something else to say as I feel like a bit of a dork with all this.
The "extras" were added by me. My friend does NOT get enough romancing in her life-and I knew Maca was capable of being that way-so I put the "extras" in place. She's my friend-would like to be his friend, but at this point aren't really FRIENDS in the truest sense.

I think the key difference is definition..

you can have sex with a sense of caring, friendship, desire to please the other person

or you can fuck-and it's all about hte physical sensations with no sense of ... compersion for the other person beyond the physical

or you can make love with someone and have that soulful connection that tells you there is a higher power (even if it's energy) and you are "one" with each other.
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  #23  
Old 11-24-2009, 01:12 AM
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My take on this Redpepper, is that this was a replication of love with a safety net. With the other woman knowing that this had to be treated delicately.
EXACTLY!

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For some the actual act of sex holds greater significance than the emotional bond that they may have for each other. So this would confront the fear that the sexual act would harm their relationship or rather if Maca would be able to come back and view his relationship with LR in that same way he did before or if he would see it as tarnishing or taking away from his relationship with her.
PRECISELY!

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Forgive me for speaking in general, but men sometimes do have a different view of sex and see it as a bigger deal than an emotional bond. I am thankful that the two of you have shared something very intimate publicly and please know that what I'm writing is basically what I have learned through your experience.
I'm glad I have you all to talk to and appreciate the feedback and thought provoking commentary.


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My take on this its great that you learned that you can sleep with someone else and come back with the same love, but this is just a replication of love and if/when the time comes that you have feelings for someone else don't be suprised if the way the each of you react is different.
Maca's already finding that how he expected ME to react isn't how I reacted and there are thigs I knew to expect-that he didn't (in terms of my reactions) and I KNOW things will be MUCH more intense and require much more careful stepping if he falls in love with someone. There is so much care required in not allowing yourself to step on each others toes in the madness of falling in love with another.

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At least through my eyes, that is. So take it with a grain of salt. For me, an emotional bond brings in deeper emotions and fears than a physical act.
Generally-me too.

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But this is actually something I am exploring in myself because sex should be the ultimate expression of love and an emotional bond, but I know there isn't one needed to have sex. Anyways, before I take this topic onto something else I'll leave my inner search for another time.

Great topic for a new thread. Hint hint. I am exploring some of that in myself as well right now!
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Old 11-24-2009, 01:34 AM
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[QUOTE=



Great topic for a new thread. Hint hint. I am exploring some of that in myself as well right now![/QUOTE]

I will soon, but right now I must get off so the hubs can read the communication thread. So if I have a chance afterward I'll hop back on if not, tmrw it is
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  #25  
Old 11-24-2009, 02:37 AM
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When I refered to love making I was refering to the fact that It was tender, not rushed,not done without feelings. I didnt want to treat her like a toy to be played with. She has feelings also and she deserved to be treated that way.To me love making and fucking are a difference of mind set.LR and I fuck plenty ( and its great fun) we make love ( and its heart felt) and then there are times when we are IN love and our bodys are one.That last part is one that is reserved for someone that Im in love with.It dosent equate with sex all the time.
I do see a difference in being loving and being IN love.

maca
I think my definition of love making is different than what you were saying... it seems more like LR was saying actually... which is confusing and I wonder if it is something you talked about already. To me love making is all about the emotions and nothing to do with how long it takes, how someone is treated or intensity of the act. I have been fucked and been considered in terms of my needs for sure. I have been regarded in terms of someone spending time with my body also. I don't really have a problem with asking for my needs to be met either, but I knew it wasn't love making, it was still loveless sex and therefore fucking. Anyway, it's semantics really. Not all that important perhaps.
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Old 11-24-2009, 02:40 AM
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I will soon, but right now I must get off so the hubs can read the communication thread. So if I have a chance afterward I'll hop back on if not, tmrw it is
Please do start a thread as I have done extensive research on myself in this regard in the past two years and have completely changed how I feel about my sexuality and that of others. I have become quite concerned for people actually in that they have been influenced by mass media, and a more global mind. Sheep I tell you, sheep. We are moving away from what really matters I find and sexually I was part of that movement... I'm not any longer however.

Anyway, more when there is a new thread.
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Old 11-24-2009, 03:24 AM
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Please do start a thread as I have done extensive research on myself in this regard in the past two years and have completely changed how I feel about my sexuality and that of others. I have become quite concerned for people actually in that they have been influenced by mass media, and a more global mind. Sheep I tell you, sheep. We are moving away from what really matters I find and sexually I was part of that movement... I'm not any longer however.

Anyway, more when there is a new thread.
I made it. While I sat there trying to sort through my thoughts it took a turn I didn't think it would take, therefore the title My icky can of worms.
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  #28  
Old 11-25-2009, 04:57 AM
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I think my definition of love making is different than what you were saying... it seems more like LR was saying actually... which is confusing and I wonder if it is something you talked about already. To me love making is all about the emotions and nothing to do with how long it takes, how someone is treated or intensity of the act. I have been fucked and been considered in terms of my needs for sure. I have been regarded in terms of someone spending time with my body also. I don't really have a problem with asking for my needs to be met either, but I knew it wasn't love making, it was still loveless sex and therefore fucking. Anyway, it's semantics really. Not all that important perhaps.
We've talked about that a number of times actually. One of the BIGGEST issues we've struggled with is that we have so COMPLETELY different definitions of SO MANY words that it makes communication a literal nightmare.
We don't have the same definition or understanding of what "love" "commitment" "faith" "fidelity" "sex" etc is. We've struggled with that for years (obviously there are more-those were obvious ones you could grasp the depth of the issue by reading).

Still working on figuring out how to meld some of that. Very frustrating. Very confusing. Very disheartening at times as well (like right now).
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Old 11-25-2009, 02:37 PM
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Just wanted to let you know you're not alone LR. Its very frustrating. Total blue fish tuba sometimes.
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  #30  
Old 11-26-2009, 12:57 AM
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Just wanted to let you know you're not alone LR. Its very frustrating. Total blue fish tuba sometimes.
THX, been a long week. I think we're making some break throughs today-I'll let you all know tomorrow!
Wish us luck!

Last night I took a bath while reading Opening Up. I was still so keyed up when I got out of the tub (water was cold) and emotional I got online and vented on messenger to a friend.
Then GG got home and I vented on him for a bit. But I could'nt relax.
Finally I laid on the livingroom floor with my head in his lap. He was listening to some music on his laptop I didn't know about and hadn't heard before but it was calming.
He read through all my emails, messages, random thinkings (written) and whatnot while just softly running his hand over my back.

I finally relaxed enough to go to bed.

I don't know why it's so hard for some people to realize that when your heart is racing and emotions are overwhelming you-you just need someone to CARE for a little bit-patiently care until you can get out the negative and breathe a little bit in the safety of their love and acceptance.
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