First Poly date

[FrankLee]

Tomorrow morning, I'm meeting my first poly date at Barnes&Noble. She's 25 years younger than me. Why would she do this? It wasn't my intention. I had been looking for women my own age at PolymatchmakerDotCom, and have been corresponding with several, all out of town. But, tomorrow morning's date is in the same town, and it was her idea, not mine.

Anyway, I have been flying over the waters of life totally alone now for over a year, and am lonesome, so here goes. I have no expectations, am totally baffled why she is doing this, and figure this is the first of many cups of coffee I'll share before the lifestyle becomes real and comprehensible to me.

[NovemberRain]

Hi Frank,

I've discovered that 'why' can often be a very unhelpful question. Why is she doing this? Obviously, she *wants* to.

The largest difference I've ever dated was a man my father's age (21 years my senior). He turned out to be a psychopath though. I had no idea what his age was when I met him, and there were definitely sparks.

The worst that could happen is you get a new friend, right? And perhaps she knows someone that would be perfect for you. And perhaps she's simply not an ageist.

Looking forward to hearing how it goes....

[nycindie]

My lover-friend, whom I call Lively on this forum, is 17 years younger than I. I think I asked myself why he could possibly want to be with me, an overweight old lady, for the first couple of months we were dating. But it's become a lovely friendship, with great sex, and I hardly ever think of our age difference anymore (unless he tells me stories about his mother which make me realize she's not much older than I ). Oddly enough we have a lot of things in common that I would never have expected, like a passion for 80s music. Today we were talking about our relationship and agreed we were both "outliers" from most other people we know who want/expect things to go according to the storybook hype we're handed. It's okay to be attracted to someone much younger or older.

I don't necessarily think it's a poly thing to be interested in someone vastly older or younger, but poly does make it possible to date a wider range of types - and I think lots of people are drawn to poly because they like variety!

Don't worry too much or let it throw you. Just be yourself, and have a conversation, see if there's some spark between you, and go from there. Have fun!

[FrankLee]

in a Barnes & Noble. I had my first Poly date there today, and you know, it's really quiet in those places. So, in normal conversation I mentioned "the P word," and suddenly looked around. A head or two turned. So, I thought we should get up from our table and go browse some books.

The truth is, I knew within five minutes of meeting her that it was not a match I wanted to pursue. But, I was determined to stay for a while and be friendly letting her know that I really appreciated her coming to meet me. So, for an hour we browsed books and talked. I can carry on a line of conversation for an hour with almost anyone.

I'm glad I did this. It's so easy to stay at home and not take a chance.

[NovemberRain]

Yay! Good on ya.

Flexing those muscles is good for the soul.

[redpepper]

Sounds like it was good practice and got you out of the house on an adventure. That sounds just about right in my book. Love is like looking for a needle in a haystack sometimes. I think its best to have the approach of seeking out adventure and seeing where it leads you instead of seeking out love. I find it makes people look and come across as needy when they are looking for love. I don't feel that they are disappointed or passing me off when they come across that way.

[nycindie]

Dates don't need to lead to relationships. I've always tried to enjoy dating and see it as an opportunity to meet new people, get acquainted with someone, do something fun, and have a nice time. Then, if it leads to more, that's icing on the cake.

[FrankLee]

... is going to be a time consuming journey. Looking for Poly friendly partners is much harder than the traditional dating pattern I've been used to. For one, it reduces the list potential partners by a factor of at least 10 to 1. And, it increases the necessity for travel. Thanks NYC IndieMovie, Pepper, and Novembuh for your encouragement.

[nycindie]

Originally Posted by FrankLee

... is going to be a time consuming journey. Looking for Poly friendly partners is much harder than the traditional dating pattern I've been used to. For one, it reduces the list potential partners by a factor of at least 10 to 1. And, it increases the necessity for travel.

You'd be surprised how many people are open to polyamory without ever having heard the word. In fact, I rarely bring the P-word up when I date. I just say I prefer to be non-exclusive. And sometimes this doesn't even come up in a first date. I like to see how I hit it off with someone. Every person is different anyway.

[FrankLee]

Glad to see you are an early riser, Cindie. I've been up since 5:00am. Thanks for the input. Guess the "P" word can be scary to some. Putting it in softer language sounds like a good idea.