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Old 03-10-2012, 02:42 PM
noob noob is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 58
Default fluid bonding

Hi! I bet there are other threads on this topic, but the search function wasn't working for me, so feel free to point me in the direction of other threads.

Anyhow, I have a question about when and how you guys choose to fluid bond with a partner. I had a fluid bonded secondary partner for a few months but ultimately decided the risk was too great for me. He was given to/interested in taking many partners, and even though he used condoms with everyone but his primary and me, I just wasn't comfortable with that--and I wasn't sure what his primary was up to; when we first started, she had no other partners, but then she took a partner I found sketchy and that altered my risk assessment. We've since stopped having sex. There's a chance we may resume sex again, but protected only.

I now have a very close, loving secondary relationship with another man (in addition to my marriage). My secondary currently has no other partners and is STI free, as am I. My only other partner is my husband (we are fluid bonded part-time but often use condoms for contraception), who currently has no other partners. Pregnancy isn't a concern with my secondary, as he has a vasectomy. I'd really like to fluid bond with him, and he with me. But my worry is...will I change my mind later if he adds partners? Will he change his mind if I do? And does that matter?

He says it doesn't, that we can always shift back to using barriers later if need be and we shouldn't take it personally if one or the other of us wants to do that. However, practically speaking, I found it to be an utter shitshow to try to revert to condom use after fluid bonding with my last secondary--he took it really hard and didn't want to go back to barriers. We did, but I feel like making that switch damaged our relationship.

Basically, do you view fluid bonding as a permanent choice, or (pun!) fluid? In a way it feels like an emotional commitment to be barrier free with a partner, and revoking fluid bonding can feel like a step away from your partner and away from deep connection...but in another way, I feel like the issue of fluid bonding is a health issue, and partners shouldn't make it into an emotional issue if barriers need to come back into the relationship. In other words, I'm worried about going barrier free, needing to go back, and the effect this could have on our relationship. I don't want a repeat shitshow, but this is a different partner...Thoughts?

Last edited by noob; 03-10-2012 at 02:49 PM.
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