The "How Are You Doing" Thread (redux)

[nycindie]

Overtired and red-eyed. Every time I think I am getting my sleep cycle back to some semblance of normalcy, it goes all wonky again. >sigh<

[Nerdpower13]

My wife and I decided to get a divorce. My heart feels like it was smashed with a hammer even though it was my decision in the end. It's so hard. I wanna curl up in a ball and cry but she is doing that and I still love her so I can't help but try and be there for her.

[nouryia]

Originally Posted by Nerdpower13

My wife and I decided to get a divorce. My heart feels like it was smashed with a hammer even though it was my decision in the end. It's so hard. I wanna curl up in a ball and cry but she is doing that and I still love her so I can't help but try and be there for her.

*hugs* Sorry you're having such a difficult time...hang in there Nerd.

[nouryia]

I'm feeling really cranky this morning...maybe I'm over-reacting but I'm having a hard time with how tough it can be to get one on one time with the boyfriend sometimes. Things had been a lot better and his wife was letting us have some alone time more regularly (without barging in or feeling the need to join us every time) but not last night...

I went over to his place for some tv/snuggle time with him. I counted on being there for maybe 2.5 - 3 hours tops since he and I are fighting off colds and not feeling 100%. Usually, the mid-week visit is 'us' time (at least most of the time) and I was looking forward to cuddling with him while watching one of our favourite shows. But our alone time got cut short by his wife who, after coming home from her late shift, decided to join us halfway through the second show we were watching.

And I wouldn't have minded her just watching the show with us, but as he got up to use the bathroom, she quick lay herself out in the centre of the bed, right next to me. He came back and ended up having to crawl in on the other side of the bed and I was left sitting on the opposite edge, one cheek half off the bed because it's not that big a bed. It really annoyed me that she placed herself between us because he pretty much could only cuddle HER for the rest of the show as I was now out of reach.

Well, I left their place as soon as it ended because I was upset and I'm not good at hiding my feelings. I really didn't want to make a fuss but I left so fast I think he knew something was up. I was feeling too steamed to properly articulate how I felt without getting mad and I didn't want to say things in anger that might hurt her feelings. It's not like I don't want to see her... We (all the mates) spend most Saturday nights as a group watching movies, playing games and such and we get along really well but sometimes I just want to hang out with HIM. And she can be really oblivious...

I mean, did she really have to INTRUDE? She has every other night to cuddle and watch tv in bed with him...this was MY night

[Magdlyn]

Originally Posted by nouryia

And I wouldn't have minded her just watching the show with us, but as he got up to use the bathroom, she quick lay herself out in the centre of the bed, right next to me. He came back and ended up having to crawl in on the other side of the bed and I was left sitting on the opposite edge, one cheek half off the bed because it's not that big a bed. It really annoyed me that she placed herself between us because he pretty much could only cuddle HER for the rest of the show as I was now out of reach.

Would it have felt too weird for YOU to have gotten up to "use the bathroom," and then come back in, get next to him and say, scrooch over?

[nouryia]

Originally Posted by Magdlyn

Would it have felt too weird for YOU to have gotten up to "use the bathroom," and then come back in, get next to him and say, scrooch over?

LOL Magdlyn I never thought of that...I guess, since she's so oblivious, I should be too.

He and I actually talked about her lack of respect for privacy and boundaries. He says she's always been like that. She probably didn't realize she was intruding and he's kind of used to her being that way. He promised he'd have a chat with her for me...he just can't promise that it'll stick.

[nycindie]

Originally Posted by nouryia

He and I actually talked about her lack of respect for privacy and boundaries. He says she's always been like that. She probably didn't realize she was intruding and he's kind of used to her being that way. He promised he'd have a chat with her for me...he just can't promise that it'll stick.

It sounds a little passive-aggressive on her part, though. To me, at least, it does. Are you sure that he makes it clear that the nights he spends with you are designated YOUR TIME? And why does he have to speak to her for you? Do you feel awkward talking to her about needing some privacy when you're with him?

Also, nothing prevented you from saying to him when he got back, "Get over here, hon!" and asking him to come to your side. You're his girlfriend, that wouldn't have been out of line. I wonder why he didn't do that himself without being asked. Couldn't he have said to her, "Move over, Wifey, let me get in the middle" easily enough? Is he afraid of her in some way? It's such a simple thing.

You may also want to figure out a nice way to tell her to buzz off, just in case it happens again. Like, "Oh, Metamour, would you get on the other side of him? I want to make the most of every moment I have to cuddle with him before I go home. Thanks!"

[nycindie]

To keep on topic: I'm doing okay today. Well-rested for the first time in a long time. Looking forward to seeing Lively tonight.

[opalescent]

After weeks on the road, I am flying home today! Wooo!!

[nouryia]

Originally Posted by nycindie

It sounds a little passive-aggressive on her part, though. To me, at least, it does. Are you sure that he makes it clear that the nights he spends with you are designated YOUR TIME? And why does he have to speak to her for you? Do you feel awkward talking to her about needing some privacy when you're with him?

Also, nothing prevented you from saying to him when he got back, "Get over here, hon!" and asking him to come to your side. You're his girlfriend, that wouldn't have been out of line. I wonder why he didn't do that himself without being asked. Couldn't he have said to her, "Move over, Wifey, let me get in the middle" easily enough? Is he afraid of her in some way? It's such a simple thing.

You may also want to figure out a nice way to tell her to buzz off, just in case it happens again. Like, "Oh, Metamour, would you get on the other side of him? I want to make the most of every moment I have to cuddle with him before I go home. Thanks!"

You make a lot of good points, thank-you. Might just try to be more assertive and see if that works