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Old 03-07-2012, 12:45 PM
lostinlove lostinlove is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 2
Default Looking for a little advise

Hi all, I know from reading the forum guidlines I most probably don't belong here but not sure where else to turn for advice.

My partner of 4 years (father of my child) has suggested to me that he may be better suited to a poly life. In the 4 years we have been together he has cheated on me a number of times, which hurt me over and over but yet I stayed because I loved him and felt that we could overcome anything.

During one of our discussions about him possibly being poly we realised that in the last 15 years, neither of his relationships have been truly mono as someone has always cheated, initially his partners cheating on him moving to him cheating on his partners.

I've told him that I'm not interested in living a poly life as I have no interest in being with esp loving other men. Call me silly but he is the one and only man that I want to be with. For him though he can't be faithfull, and he thinks this is because he may be poly. He says for him initially it is just about the sex as there are things he needs that I just can't give him one being he doesn't feel like he can be rough because he doesn't want to hurt me. So he would rather find someone else to be rough with. He is saying that in no way shape or form with his secondary relationship interfere with our relationship, that he will have strict rules in place that the other person is not to contact him at certain times, he will only see them if I am at work and he has found child care. To me though that doesn't sound like a poly relationship if their are rescrictions on contact and other things, it honestly does just sound like a having a mistress that your partner knows of.

My problem is that I don't want to lose him, we have worked hard for our life together, been through a lot but I worry that if consent to a polly life, I will resent him and if I dont he will resent me and then just cheat.

ATM I have agreed to allowing him to chat online to other women on the condition that I do it to but I know that I'm not doing it because I want to but because I don't want to be the muppet left sitting at home with the baby.

Part of me is thinking that if I truley love him I should be open to him exploring himself like this. But I know it will hurt me and i will grow to resent him. Neither of us want to split up but the saying that if you truley love someone you have to let them go keeps ringing in my head.
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