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Old 03-07-2012, 01:57 AM
KyleKat KyleKat is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Central Illinois
Posts: 284
Default I feel... calm? Is that right?

Maybe it's shock, maybe it's just acceptance. I'm not sure. Is this how I'm supposed to feel?

No idea what I'm talking about? Yeah, that probably makes sense. Let me tell you a little bit.

Earlier this year my wife and I were having problems. Those problems have since been resolved and everyone is on good terms and yadda yadda. Whatevs. Anyway, throughout our marriage we have (well, I have) brought up polyamory on several occasions. I didn't really call it that. At first it was threesomes. Then it was seeing other people. It just kept building but each time she was insecure about her body (she had two kids, girls, you understand) and didn't think she could find someone. She lost a bunch of weight recently and so when we were having problems she started talking to a mutual friend of ours on a platonic basis and then when one night she confessed she had feelings for him to him, immediately felt bad and confessed to me, and that's how we brought up poly again. I was, at first, a little insecure because it's a guy we know and see from time to time along with several people that we know are totally against the idea of polyamory. She told me that his wife had left him for someone in a similar situation. She also told me that he told her she can say what she wants so long as she never acts on it. Being that I know him I trust him and trust that he's not lying, I told her to go for it. The thing is, he lives in California currently (and we in Illinois). He comes back here often since he's from here, but obviously getting her to him is a problem what with the kids and all. Oh well, we can figure it out.

So she says, "I want to go see him sooner than later. I want to actually get to be with him before one of us (referring to him and her, not me) decides this is a bad idea and he finds someone else." There was more to it than that, but you get the idea. We plan a plane trip and start making preparations for her to go there.

Her flight out is today. We made up elaborate stories to convince our families that she's just going on a vacation (they would all kill us if they found out and we're not ready to fight that fire). So the grandparents have the kids, I have the house to myself (and a prospective girlfriend, but nothing serious or anything that's going to keep me warm at night) and she's waiting in the terminal for the flight to take off. To California.

Back to the beginning of this mess. Should I feel something? I really... don't. I miss her, but that's because I enjoy her company and I love her more as much as a person humanly can. Up until today I've been on-off jealous, angry, upset, depressed, happy, excited, ready for vacation, etc, etc. I find myself getting more excited over the prospect of them having sex than I find myself getting jealous. Which is good... but right now, I don't feel much of anything. To me, it's just been a long day in the car and a sad "see you in a week" followed by a drive home with some rock music and the past hour spent in front of this computer. I'm about to go out with a friend because I'm bored to tears and my legs hurt from sitting so much today but other than that, my biggest worry is that she's getting on a plane. I know she'll be safe with him and I know that she'll come back and that she loves me. I trust her wholly. So why am I not feeling more?

I'm guessing that right now I'm just overwhelmed and that tonight when I crawl in bed it'll be a whole different thing but if I stop overthinking things and take this at face value that means that all of my "fears" were for nothing and I truly am good with this lifestyle. Which, she's told me several times that she is afraid I'm just letting her go because she wants to do it. If I can prove to myself (and to her) that this isn't the case, I think this choice of ours will work out quite nicely.

I'll keep this thread updated with any developments, but any takes on the situation? It's hard looking in when you're already inside the bubble.
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"Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is the regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable." - Sydney Smith

Kyle: 27 year old male
Katie (rymmare): 25 year old female
Kids: girl: 5 years old, boy: 3 years old
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Tags
anxiety, first time, marriage, mono to poly, new to poly, opening up a marriage, ownership, stress, vee

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