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  #11  
Old 03-03-2012, 06:36 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by texaschick View Post
He told me that even though he needs multiple relationships it will never change my role in his life.

WOW! That totally made my week. I think that is what polyamory is about.. THose few sentences. The ability to have multiple relationships and not have it detract from each individual relationship. Most people couldn't handle that statement, they would feel like they failed. However, I totally don't see it like that. I see it as I have progressed past that jealous stage and into the next level.

Woohoo! patting myself on the back for jumping my first big poly hurdle.
I am puzzled as to how anyone could see it as a failure when someone they love and care for tells them their place in their life will always be treasured. Maybe I'm not understanding the perspective.

I did want to say that I think it's great that you've been poly for three years and this is the first hurdle, which you worked through by communicating. See, yous is an example that poly doesn't have to be so full of strife and angst and drama, like so many people assume. I am certain that, if we're careful to take care of the people we love, approach relationships with a level of maturity, speak our truths, and stay aware of and in tune with our own needs, wants, and desires, polyamorous relationships can go smoothly and be very rewarding. This is what I am striving for.
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Last edited by nycindie; 03-03-2012 at 09:57 AM.
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  #12  
Old 03-03-2012, 09:37 AM
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Anneintherain Anneintherain is offline
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Nycindie, I imagine she means most people (monogamous people obviously, but even some of us who are poly can suffer when hearing that out loud) would find the "I need multiple relationships (aka - I need more that you) to make them feel like they were inadequate. That whole...if I was enough you wouldn't NEED anybody else, so I must be failing.

That's how I read it at least.
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  #13  
Old 03-03-2012, 10:00 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Anneintherain View Post
Nycindie, I imagine she means most people (monogamous people obviously, but even some of us who are poly can suffer when hearing that out loud) would find the "I need multiple relationships (aka - I need more that you) to make them feel like they were inadequate. That whole...if I was enough you wouldn't NEED anybody else, so I must be failing.

That's how I read it at least.
Oh, that aspect totally wasn't sinking into my brain, I guess because the OP isn't monogamous. Heh.
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  #14  
Old 03-03-2012, 12:47 PM
texaschick texaschick is offline
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Yes, Anne, that is it exactly. I was speaking from a perspective of what monogomous people would feel. Some days (even after 3 years) it's still hard to wrap my head around the fact that I am poly. However, that being said, if I ever had any doubts in my mind that I am not 100 percent poly , then this totally cleared them up.

To love someone so totally like I love him , and not feel drama or angst because he wants/needs others is just blowing my mind. I never thought I would be there. I never imagined myself not feeling jealousy in this type of scenario. I always thought that jealousy was a conditioned response. Now my eyes are open. and I see for the first time that jealousy is a learned response and can be obiliterated with proper communication.

Last week at this time the thought of this happening the way it did, might have caused me some anxiety. I thought that I would be less a part of his life. I never dreamed it would bring he and I closer rather than drive us apart.
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  #15  
Old 03-03-2012, 02:54 PM
feelyunicorn feelyunicorn is offline
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I wonder about the wingwoman thing. I had a very turbulent open relationship once, which was "tell-all" (on her insistence) because we had been friends and confidants for 7 years prior to getting sexually involved.

And, basically, I told her that if we were going to have an open relationship, I would need her as a wing, for the simple fact that she can go to a bar and 5 guys will approach her within the first 30 minutes, and that has been the total amount of women who have approached me in my entire life (and, I do believe that`s a high number compared to all but one of my male friends).

Now, I realize that would only really work with a bisexual woman, and even though she was bicurious, it was an unfair expectation.

But, essentially, that is a huge problem for me. If I am getting into an open relationship with a woman, something must be done to even the playing field because it`s entirely too difficult for a man to 'hook up' and entirely too easy for a woman who`s truly willing to do the same.

What do?
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