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  #71  
Old 08-18-2011, 02:58 AM
AutumnalTone AutumnalTone is offline
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Originally Posted by Periwinkle View Post
It's lovely that you now know that about yourself, but it's no reason to discourage existing relationships.
I've never discouraged any existing relationships and I thank you not to suppose that I have.
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When speaking of various forms of non-monogamy...it ain't poly if you're just fucking around.

While polyamory, open relationships, and swinging are all distinctly different approaches to non-monogamy, they are not mutually exlusive. Folks can, and some do, engage in more than one of them at a time--and it's all good.
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  #72  
Old 08-18-2011, 03:13 AM
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I've never discouraged any existing relationships and I thank you not to suppose that I have.
No. You have not. And still, one gets the impression that your non-sexual romance is more disappointing than not--perhaps(?). No judgement. Just inquiry.
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  #73  
Old 08-18-2011, 04:32 AM
Periwinkle Periwinkle is offline
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I apologize, AutumnalTone. I can get defensive but that's not an excuse.
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  #74  
Old 01-17-2012, 08:25 PM
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I found this article on asexuality and thought it might be helpful and interesting is some way for someone.
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  #75  
Old 03-03-2012, 07:48 AM
urmila urmila is offline
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Loving doe snot mean only sex. Yes it is posiible to have loving, romantic relationship, without actually having sex and I firmly believe this is also polyamory
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  #76  
Old 03-05-2012, 09:55 AM
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Originally Posted by urmila View Post
Loving doe snot mean only sex. Yes it is posiible to have loving, romantic relationship, without actually having sex and I firmly believe this is also polyamory
I'm actually of 2 views concerning this. On the one hand, I agree 100% and have used this argument to say that most people are polyamorous in that they love multiple members of their family at the same time, just not sexually. On the other hand, when describing polyamory to beginners I tend to bring up the fact that it involves a sexual element. I should probably say generally. There's something else, though, and I don't think I'm the only one who feels this way; I generally want to spend more time with women I desire sexually, rather than women I don't see that way (family members, say). Family's great, don't get me wrong, but I'd like to have my own again as well; at the very least a sexual partner, if not children of my own.
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  #77  
Old 10-04-2014, 02:36 PM
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jujube jujube is offline
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Default from sex to no sex question

What if your relationship ( poly from the start, and sexual, and intimate, etc..) after seven years or so, one partner declares that they will no longer be sexually involved. They claim this is due to work schedule, loss of sex drive, etc....this is rather sudden, and I am wondering what to do now....this person is saying they are DONE with sex at 40, and I ( approaching 68, have not diminished.....)
Please understand, there has been no fight or problem, this just recently became a conversation between us. I am at a loss here.....
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  #78  
Old 10-04-2014, 03:25 PM
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Originally Posted by jujube View Post
What if your relationship ( poly from the start, and sexual, and intimate, etc..) after seven years or so, one partner declares that they will no longer be sexually involved. They claim this is due to work schedule, loss of sex drive, etc....this is rather sudden, and I am wondering what to do now....this person is saying they are DONE with sex at 40, and I ( approaching 68, have not diminished.....)
Please understand, there has been no fight or problem, this just recently became a conversation between us. I am at a loss here.....
While there may not have been an overt fight, perhaps there was something more subtle that you may have missed. In any case, how you wish to proceed may depend greatly on how important you feel having sex with this partner is. If it's not so important, you can leave it at that, but if (as I suspect), it is fairly important, you might want to try to persuade your partner to see a relationship counsellor, or at the very least a mutual friend who can speak to both of you about it, perhaps separately at times. There is actually a film on the subject called Hope Springs. In it, the husband decides he no longer wants to have sex with his wife, citing the same types of reasons that your partner does, and the wife decides that this issue is too important to just let go of, so she pressures him into coming with her to see a relationship counsellor. During their sessions, a lot of very interesting truths are revealed. At the very least, you might wish to see the film yourself; here is a trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-s22_Mvikl8

If you and/or your partner are like my dad, therapy may not be for you. In which case, perhaps a friend or even a family member might be able to help. In the case of my parents, I'm not completely sure as to what all the issues were or if sexuality per se played a major role. All I do know is that whatever they tried to fix things, it still didn't work out, they got separated when I was 21 and a few years later, they divorced.

Last edited by Scott; 10-04-2014 at 03:31 PM.
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  #79  
Old 10-06-2014, 01:49 AM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is online now
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Hi jujube,

Do you feel that you need a new partner to fill the gap left by the no-longer-sexually-involved partner? Do you just have one partner? If you have a second partner, is that enough to fill your sexual needs?

I don't mean to pry, just want to understand your situation better.
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  #80  
Old 10-06-2014, 07:16 PM
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No, I do not have another partner. I have not met anyone I was that interested in, for friendship or more.
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