How did I get here & Where am I going?

[ImaginaryIllusion]

I'm just sitting by my onesies at Shout! House i San Diego. Pla A & B didn't work out with meeting the local poly folks, but I'd be damned if that was going to keep me away from the dueling piano's. The show's only been on 5 minutes and it's already awesome.

Ok, I was going to share a clarification or ephiphany or something from the last couple days, but for now, I need to clap along with the "Devil Came Down to Georgia"

Cherers All!

[Derbylicious]

I totally read that as "I'm sitting here IN my onesies"

[ImaginaryIllusion]

Originally Posted by Derbylicious

I totally read that as "I'm sitting here IN my onesies"

OMG...what would your husband say you dirty dirty girl?!


oh, it's Queen time........"Galiliao!!!"

[ImaginaryIllusion]

"GREAT BALLS OF FIIIIREE!!!"

No this is music Not STI's.

[Derbylicious]

Originally Posted by ImaginaryIllusion

OMG...what would your husband say you dirty dirty girl?!


oh, it's Queen time........"Galiliao!!!"

Just wondering how exactly wearing a onesie is dirty...kinky maybe

[redpepper]

Originally Posted by derbylicious

just wondering how exactly wearing a onesie is dirty...kinky maybe :d

ha!

[bella123456]

So refreshing to read a blog where the love for one's partner is SO evident.
I can't often see that, although one could assume it is there.

Lovely !

[ImaginaryIllusion]

Following should have been posted in March, like 6 weeks ago:

So it’s been a whirlwind few weeks, and I’ve discovered that the best way to make a cup empty is to fill it with pineapple juice and Rum! Any cup so filled roundly becomes empty.


No, this is not advocating that alcohol is a solution. (Though it still maintains it’s status as a social lubricant to some extent. And you all know how much I like...wait for it... LUBE!!!)


Anyways, I’ve been away from home for a few weeks, and spent most of it not really concentrating on anything of importance to do with Poly for the most part. I did get to meet a bunch of the lovely poly folk in Winnipeg who were fun, accommodating and friendly, slightly beyond my expectations. It was really nice being able to discuss things poly and not with people who weren’t already familiar with me, or the details; to get a fresh perspective on things whether they agreed with previous assessments or not. And it was awesome to again see what familiar elements favour or plague other communities, and how they deal with it. It becomes both comfort of not being alone in the trials and tribulations of life, as well as a source of solutions, either reliable or novel.

My only regret there being that the meeting was near the end of the week, so there wasn’t time to follow up on anything afterwards. This however is not uncommon with amount of time I usually have for visiting other communities.


The experience was mostly repeated in Calgary, although I keep giving Freetime the gears for not making an appearance. (Valid reasons and all, but that doesn’t need to stop me from ribbing him about it) I’ve been keeping a close eye on this group, having known some of the people involved in previous (now defunct) attempts at forming poly groups in that town. It was really cool finally being able to connect on a more personal level than the usual electronic correspondence allows.

And I really can’t deny that it was good to be back with my people. Not just the poly’s, but people from my home town, and also my friends whom have been my support since childhood. There’s a lot of time these days that I feel quite muzzled, and it’s a gratifying freedom on occasion to know the people across the table will actually understand what I’m saying without an undue amount of explanation, or the risk of being lynched. Each year that passes, things like this make me realize the reason my wife never wants to go back.

Although that too is passing as the city and the culture continue to develop and morph away from what I remember. Not necessarily for the worse, but different. But my friends are more constant...and a cherished resource to be able to draw on. I think they remain the only group of people who truly understand who I am...a very select group indeed with whom I can me myself without reservation, disguise, or pretence. (And now anyone who knows my on the coast is going to wonder what kind of hidden subversive monster I am...which isn’t really the case. It’s more about me being comfortable enough to really relax in company, rather than anything I’d be consciously trying to hide) My regrets there are that I might not have done as right by them as I’d like. But that’s another story.


The last week of my trip I went down to San Diego, but unfortunately there were no community events that week, and plan B & C didn’t really work out either as I didn’t previously know anyone from there. So I was mostly left to my own devices. Fortunately I love San Diego and know my way around enough to keep myself entertained. It turned out to be a good opportunity to finally have some thoughts to myself. Breakfast burrito’s & mimosas in old town in the morning, touring around during the day, walking around in summer gear in +15C weather and giggling at the locals with their parkas, sweaters and mittens. Basking in the pool & hottub at the hotel with a drink and surrounded by palm trees. Yeah, it didn’t suck. And it allowed me time to just let go...I mean really, rum, pineapple juice, warm water, palm trees, sunshine…seriously how could anyone ruin that by trying to hold on to negative thoughts or emotions? The effort was just so not worth it.


I doubt that I’m terribly different now that I’m at home, but I feel better about a lot of things.

[ImaginaryIllusion]

Most of the above was a few more weeks ago now. My time at home since the trip has been decidedly better. I’ve still haven’t been too worried about myself, but have taken time to start making little changes around me. I started with the baggage...

No, not the emotional kind...actual boxes of old clothes, toys, housewares, books, and assorted junk that’s been polluting my basement since high school baggage! It’s been a disaster down there for years, and I’ve carried it across four different houses, 20 years, and two cities. It was time for a lot of it to go away.

And then there’s the IT infrastructure at home...most people might have a couple computers, laptops and a printer...but I used to be a programmer in my previous life, so my home network has more computers than the house has people, lizards and fish combined! Some of the machines have also been around for almost 20 years, and are having a hard time being relevant these days. So it’s been time to clean them up, and make way for a couple newer machines that can actually play all the games I’ve bought in the last couple years but couldn’t actually run. (My wife kept trying to get rid of me, sending me out even though I didn’t have anyone to date. Turned out she just doesn’t want me in the living room, so games will give me a good excuse to disappear into the office...she probably just wants some privacy for her naughty sexting with her gf or something)

It shouldn’t be a big deal I suppose, probably as profound as a mediocre FB status update, but I’ve found the whole process somewhat cleansing. Dumping out all the old stuff and reorganizing the home around me to a better semblance of function is basically a physical representation of the similar mental shift I needed to figure out who I am now, rather than holding onto all the old versions of who I was.

There’s still a ways to go. As with any project of this magnitude it’s an ongoing process. There’s still shelves to be reorganized, and some other corners to be cleaned, and the new server machine is being shy about showing it’s hard drives to the installer. Likewise I still have some personal projects to sort out, like the 5 year plan, which less expensive hobbies I still want to keep, and eventually I’m going to have to look at possibly dating again. That last one is as daunting as ever...although possibly for different reasons... especially since I pretty much know most of the poly ladies around the community now... or more to the point, they all know me.

Maybe I’ll save dating until then next time I change cities.

[ImaginaryIllusion]

I’ve been aware for a while that one of the issues that we have with the blogs here is that they often only contain the negatives, baggage, and agony of people unloading their problems, issues, concerns whenever they hit a low point in their poly journey. And it makes sense...when things are bad, people need to vent. When things are well, isn’t it just more pleasant to bask in the afterglow rather than write about it? I don’t see it being a general trend that is liable to be reversed anytime soon, and I can’t promise that this blog would be any different, but I figure I can at least try to buck the trend a bit.

In terms of a poly context...I should say things are going fine. I don’t know if that part really counts since I’m still running mono at the moment...but I keep reminding myself about the toasters. (You don’t get a toaster by bringing people into poly) Similarly, it’s not like anyone will take away my poly card for being quite satisfied with just one partner for a while.

At this point I think I’m comfortable figuring that it’s very likely that poly is an option for me, not a necessity. I lived long enough as a good little mono to know I have the self-control to suppress my baser urges and my wife was perfect for me that I wasn’t lacking for anything that couldn’t have been found amoung friends of the not so intimate variety. Indeed the complications of dating was something I was never good at when I was single...so how insane would I have to be to seek it out again! Especially when it’s so far from the norm as to push an already difficult process into the realm of the absurd?!

No. I don’t need poly. But I do wantz it! I choose poly, very deliberately, as part of my life. I like having the freedom to allow relationships to develop without the artificial restrictions that I used to place on them. I like the freedom to not be the all singing all dancing one man band for my partner(s). (Especially dancing, I never understood why someone who said she loved me, seemed to think I should humiliate myself in public by imitating a deformed road kill chicken going through shock therapy!) And like any fool should, having tasted freedom, I have no intention of going back to a world without. (Bwaaawk!)

Yet, I’m in no rush to find more partners. I keep an eye out, and occasionally message some possibilities, but I’m not invested in making anything happen. Which for the most part, is far more relaxing.

So mostly, I’ve been finding poly’s or people open to it who have not yet come around to the local communities. Sometimes people just need to know someone before showing up in a room full of strangers to talk about intimacy...I can digg it. There’s still no toasters, but like the forum, I prefer to do what I can to make the community stronger. And I keep my friends, and keep trying to make new ones, but try to keep it free of intention or expectation of anything more. Less disappointment, and less pressure, more enjoyment. Rawk on! It’s the first time in a while I’ve have friends that I think about when I’m away doing other things, whom I look forward to seeing again after a time, and perhaps most telling is friends who reach out to me once in a while, and seem just as eager to see me. Perhaps a little thing, but the difference it makes to me, isn’t.

Ok, so not spectacular, exciting, paint the town red kind of stuff, but also not something that I have to put up a disclaimer about putting away sharp objects before reading either.