I am 21 and have just recently gotten into poly and quite honestly it scares me. My boyfriend and I have been in a closed relationship for 4 years and I lost my virginity to him in the beginning. So as far as it was he's been my experience..I have had sex with one other guy since deciding to go the poly route but It lacked the true connection that I desire. I love the idea of connecting intimately with different people but the practice is difficult. Even more difficult is the idea of my boyfriend doing the same.. I feel like (in theory) if I knew without a shadow of a doubt that I held a special place for him I could be okay with him being with whomever he desires but I feel shaky in that aspect. I feel a little replaceable. I have told him this and he tells me that I am irreplaceable to him and tries to be supportive but I know he's getting impatient. It has only been about 2 or 3 months since we made this decision and I feel rushed. I have a hard time with my self esteem and I realize that this is a big part of it and I'm not sure how to push my boundaries without sacrificing myself. I am not sure if I should tell him to go do what he wants and I'll deal with it but I refuse to be the martyr in the situation. It would hurt me. I am currently talking to a girl and we have met once and traded some pictures and what not..i have been seriously encouraged to pursue this relationship by my boyfriend even though I feel I'm being unfair to him. I just generally feel lost and confused honestly..any advice would be amazing!