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  #21  
Old 02-28-2012, 03:58 AM
dia dia is offline
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That works too...

I also wanted to add that you shouldn't be afraid to give direction. Like, I'm sure the way this new person is touching you is different from how you're used to being touched (by yourself or long term significant other). So if there are things you can identify that she can do to help you relax, then tell her.
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  #22  
Old 02-28-2012, 03:44 PM
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tachycardia tachycardia is offline
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BTW if the quotes are making no sense to newcomers, I had my username changed for privacy...
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  #23  
Old 02-28-2012, 04:19 PM
dingedheart dingedheart is offline
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Both very interesting names.....Are you really sure about the head and heart thing could reflect otherwise. Schism a split...cardia=heart.

Or has all this talk got your heart racing....I'd think that could make your problem worse.

Tachycardia is not a good condition to have....leads to bad endings.
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  #24  
Old 02-28-2012, 06:30 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Since you asked for similar experiences, I will share mine.

On my poly dating journey I met a guy on okc. We hit it off great and had 2 public dates. He was in mid-divorce, new to poly.

On our 3rd date, we had sex. He couldnt get hard, but was all over me like white on rice and pleased me well. On the second try at sex, he got hard enough to fuck, but lost his erection when inside me, couldnt cum from oral or stroking either. On the 3rd try, he got hard, stayed hard, but couldnt cum during coitus, but did finally cum from other methods I used.

Soon after that I dumped him for various reasons... so I don't know what would have happened, but he was making progress! He felt badly about his lack of "performance," as men will, but I didnt judge him.

Good luck! I think 4 girls right off the bat is a bit much perhaps. Focus on one or 2 of your favorites and see what happens as you get to know them better.
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Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

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  #25  
Old 02-28-2012, 08:13 PM
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tachycardia tachycardia is offline
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Thanks, dingedheart. You're funny. Yeah, as an INTJ, my head usually dominates, but when my heart is stirred in the slightest, I go nuts. Life without a little temporary insanity is boring, though.

Thanks for sharing your story, Magdlyn. It's interesting because I actually did get hard during foreplay, and while eating her pussy, but when the focus turns entirely to my penis, expectations of what should happen prevent it from happening. And then I start to feel this distance growing, and I just want to do something else, but don't want to make the issue worse by suggesting she stop. At this point I suggest 69, during which I can get a little hard, but when we turn to intercourse it disappears again. Not everyone wants to 69 either. I could care less about having an orgasm, and I don't feel inadequate. What bothers me is that I feel it stymies communication and connection.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Magdlyn View Post
Good luck! I think 4 girls right off the bat is a bit much perhaps. Focus on one or 2 of your favorites and see what happens as you get to know them better.
Yeah, that has always been my plan and I think I've found one that I want to focus on. (BTW one was a man, and the one-nighter is just how I roll with men.) I don't think that having sex "too early" gets in the way of establishing a deeper relationship, but I suppose maybe y'all are right that I would seem to benefit from taking it more slowly for myself.
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  #26  
Old 02-28-2012, 10:42 PM
polyFM polyFM is offline
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One thing that always helps me is working out. Even an hour of serious lifting/boxing/cardio (I mean sweating, not just mirror-bound flexing) gets the blood flowing more than usual... it might be enough to trump whatever you're experiencing now. Worst case, you get exercise and a dose of endorphins
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  #27  
Old 02-28-2012, 10:45 PM
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tachycardia tachycardia is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by polyFM View Post
One thing that always helps me is working out. Even an hour of serious lifting/boxing/cardio (I mean sweating, not just mirror-bound flexing) gets the blood flowing more than usual... it might be enough to trump whatever you're experiencing now. Worst case, you get exercise and a dose of endorphins
...I do every day
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  #28  
Old 02-28-2012, 10:53 PM
polyFM polyFM is offline
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Cool . I thought I had ED as a freshman in college and ended up getting some viagra (or generic) samples; it helped a lot but turned out to be unnecessary once I got comfortable with myself. I'm not saying your head's in the wrong place, but maybe a little more dabbling will set things straight.
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  #29  
Old 02-28-2012, 11:38 PM
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tachycardia tachycardia is offline
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Quote:
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ended up getting some viagra (or generic) samples; it helped a lot but turned out to be unnecessary once I got comfortable with myself.
This is my current thinking.
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  #30  
Old 02-28-2012, 11:53 PM
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drtalon drtalon is offline
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Is condom use an issue? For me, I notice after a few years of not using condoms with my current GF, my cock seems less interested in doing anything with a condom on now. I don't worry about performance as much as I worry about appearing to be one of "those guys" trying to use guilt to get bareback. Luckily, intercourse is not the most important thing about sex for me, so I just talk about it that way, if I need to. YMMV.
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