Quoting Nyx to expand on a thought

[MonoVCPHG]

Redpepper and I have run into mis-communication issues as well. Sometimes we see the same thing from two totally different perspectives. Wow..that makes me think back!!

[MonoVCPHG]

Originally Posted by Ceoli

Nope, feel free to! But know that I'm really resisting taking your previous post to task!

I appreciate that

[maca]

Hmm well fidelity huh?

Lover you allways have to bring up the hard questions

I used to believe that fidelity only dealt with sex. Now I know that its much more then that. For instance if your wife/husband was having a sexual affair how would you feel? Then think on this. If your wife/husband was having an emotional affair how would you feel? Im willing to bet that at the root of those feelings there wouldnt be much difference.

Fidelity is in the "eye of the beholder" . To me lack of honesty could be cause to think your SO isnt being in a fidelity relationship with you.
Just my 2 cents

Peace and Love
Maca

[LovingRadiance]

Originally Posted by maca

To me lack of honesty could be cause to think your SO isnt being in a fidelity relationship with you.

THAT is exactly the conclusion I'm coming to. It's about honesty and about honoring the commitments you have. But I think in a bigger, deeper way it's about honoring your own limitations (which is where my screw ups began).
We (as people who want partners in ANY relationship dynamic) need to get to know OURSELVES well enough to know what we CAN and CANNOT commit to-and uphold.

I committed to things I thought I believed in-but I hadn't really delved deeply into WHY I thought I believed in them. Then as life shit on me and in order to take care of my own truest, deepest needs, I failed my commitments.

If we want to be CAPABLE of true fidelity-we MUST do our homework first. We MUST learn about ourselves, our needs, our wants, our abilities, or limitations. Otherwise we risk over-commiting ourselves and in doing so-raise the probability that we will break our commitments and that makes us incapable of fidelity.

[redpepper]

Originally Posted by LovingRadiance

It's about honesty and about honoring the commitments you have. But I think in a bigger, deeper way it's about honoring your own limitations.

If we want to be CAPABLE of true fidelity-we MUST do our homework first. We MUST learn about ourselves, our needs, our wants, our abilities, or limitations. Otherwise we risk over-commiting ourselves and in doing so-raise the probability that we will break our commitments and that makes us incapable of fidelity.

This is what it is for me.

[Ceoli]

Originally Posted by LovingRadiance

If we want to be CAPABLE of true fidelity-we MUST do our homework first. We MUST learn about ourselves, our needs, our wants, our abilities, or limitations. Otherwise we risk over-commiting ourselves and in doing so-raise the probability that we will break our commitments and that makes us incapable of fidelity.

This is one of the reasons I don't have a primary partner right now. My life is at a place where I would not be able to follow through with the commitment if I made one. However, this DOESN'T mean that I'm not capable of such a commitment or that I'm not ready for such a commitment or that I don't want such a commitment. Many people tend to think that because I'm not in a place where I can commit that I haven't "grown" enough or that I'm in some sort of "freedom seeking" phase. And often those perspectives come with a lot of judgement.

I don't have a primary partner because I know what kind of commitment it is and I know myself and my own needs enough to know that I can't make that work until other issues around my residency and stability in my logistical life are resolved. It has NOTHING to do with my ability to commit. It has everything to do with understanding and accepting my current circumstances.

[redpepper]

Originally Posted by Ceoli

This is one of the reasons I don't have a primary partner right now. My life is at a place where I would not be able to follow through with the commitment if I made one. However, this DOESN'T mean that I'm not capable of such a commitment or that I'm not ready for such a commitment or that I don't want such a commitment. Many people tend to think that because I'm not in a place where I can commit that I haven't "grown" enough or that I'm in some sort of "freedom seeking" phase. And often those perspectives come with a lot of judgement.

I don't have a primary partner because I know what kind of commitment it is and I know myself and my own needs enough to know that I can't make that work until other issues around my residency and stability in my logistical life are resolved. It has NOTHING to do with my ability to commit. It has everything to do with understanding and accepting my current circumstances.

I think that is very honorable Ceoli, not only to yourself but anyone that might want to date you. I totally don't see you in the "freedom seeking" phase. Knowing a bit about your life and circumstance I can't see how you would have room for a primary. When the time comes then that person will show up and I'm sure you will be head over heels and be ready to give it your all

[GroundedSpirit]

This is GREAT stuff folks !
If I had a nickle for every time I've seen & been involved in chats or discussions where it got REALLY complicated because of language - and different people's interpretation of it - I could fly us all to the Caribbean for a week long retreat !
This is why when I talk or write I really try to keep the "picture" in focus and draw attention from the "brush". Because it's really understanding the picture we all want. In that vein, I usually try to use a lot of metaphors that make the picture crystal clear- usually these either bring loud, deep belly laughs or red faced anger. Ahhhh, such is the risk of the artist. But rather that then pin cushioned by all the "brushes".

[Ceoli]

Originally Posted by GroundedSpirit

In that vein, I usually try to use a lot of metaphors that make the picture crystal clear- usually these either bring loud, deep belly laughs or red faced anger. Ahhhh, such is the risk of the artist. But rather that then pin cushioned by all the "brushes".

Since metaphors are subjective by their very nature and require a specific context in which to understand, it would seem that using metaphors would produce the opposite effect of making a picture crystal clear.

[GroundedSpirit]

Now WHY did I expect that Ce ? <grin>
But really - you might try it sometime. Maybe you'd be surprised ?
{{hugs}}