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Old 02-25-2012, 11:58 PM
Fenn Fenn is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Southern California
Posts: 4
Default Mono-guy with Poly-girlfriend; WHAT DO

Good afternoon, everyone. I... Well, I had a nice long-winded introduction prepared, but a log-in issue lost my post. Maybe it's for the best, I have a habit of rambling when I'm thinking about a lot.

I'm a bisexual male, age 23; she's pansexual, and 22. We're so young. .__. However, we've been dating for just shy of seven years, and it's something I'd like to keep going longer still. We're not engaged, not married, but as we're getting close to finishing our schooling, the notion of proposing has become more plausible each month.

It was only recently that she disclosed that she's polyamorous. She told me around the New Year, but we were a little giddy at the time, and I didn't think very hard about it. It came up again a few days ago, and since then we've been struggling to communicate effectively about it. I'm confused about how this is going to change our relationship, and whether or not I can overcome trust issues I have with past transgressions (she cheated, long story. We reconciled, but there are still scars and an occasional ache). She feels as though I'm trying to change her, or limit her; "how can you tell me to just stop feeling this way about other people? It's who I am!"

Now I'm not trying to change anyone, but... I don't consider myself polyamorous. An analogy she keeps using is that "you wouldn't tell a gay person that they need to be straight!" ...I feel this situation is more like someone having been confused about their sexuality for years while in a relationship, kissing on the side a bit, meeting a couple of nice same-sex potential partners, finally coming out about it, and expecting the original partner to be 100% comfortable with it. And I'm not.

So anyway, that's where we are right now. Arguing, talking, getting our feelings hurt, feeling confused, etc. I want her to be happy, but I also am not 100% on board with changing our relationship in this way. Call me selfish, but it doesn't feel like there's anything positive about this for me; it makes her happy, and I suppose that should be enough, but... Anyhow. There's more, if you're inclined to hear, but I wanted to at least stay somewhat brief for this intro. :P

Anyhow, the short of it is...

"Help, my girlfriend's poly, she's already interested in other people, and I don't know what to do! Oh God!"
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