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Old 02-24-2012, 11:07 PM
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AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
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A further thought -- you say "I want to be in a relationship with a man and a woman, always have." That is entirely achievable. If you seek it, there is no reason you can't have the love of both a man and a woman... just not necessarily who also love each other, ya dig? Wanting to be in a relationship with a woman, in addition to your relationship with your husband, is not naive. Wanting her to also be with him and no one else, that's where you may be overreaching and setting yourselves up for drama.
Me, 30ish bi female, been doing solo poly for roughly 5 years. Gia, Clay, and Pike, my partners. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler.
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Old 02-25-2012, 05:05 PM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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I really struggle with the let down that I see come over and over again for newbies when seasoned poly people tell them that their fantasy is likely just a fantasy. I know there is no way around it, and that really, it seems to be truly a fantasy, but I cringe a little every time. It makes me feel sad for them. I'm sorry that its hard to hear, but at least you are hearing it and can move forward from there.

Everyone has said some great stuff in support. I wanted to add that if it is possible to realize that one woman is likely NOT going to fill the roll of "everything" in a unicorn fantasy that might help. As far as I can see it will take some modification of the dream. Why not look for many women? One that likes to have a good friendship with both of you, one that might just like group sex (or several, as that is usually a one off or if you are lucky, a short period of time of intense passion and thats it), one that wants to be girlfriend to the male part of your partnership, and one that wants to be girlfriend to the female part of your partnership... That way all the bases are covered and love abounds and is expansive. Its when there are rules and agendas and scarcity placed on these situations that it seems to not work out for long, or at all (provided that a sustaining long relationship is what you are looking for that is).

Might I just add here that there are men that also want more and they are left out of these scenarios. No wonder they have a hard time finding dates where as us women have a hard time prying off couples.. lol. At least in some poly circles any way. I don't see why men can't get in on the scenario I describe above... abundant love for all in all its forms... to me this is the aim and goal that works in poly. The rest is too contrived and ego centered. It just doesn't seem to respect that those that are being perused have their own needs, boundaries and desires.
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unicorn hunting, unrealistic ideals

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