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Old 02-25-2012, 04:48 AM
sealace sealace is offline
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Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 14
Default Secondary relationships

Hi folks,
Been with primary for 8.5 years, the first 8 of which were mono. Open since June. In that time I've dived into the world of dating--I've dated single and poly men and women and had a variety of experiences.

Over the summer I started dating 3 men and one woman. I wrote a while back about a married man I kinda fell for, only he was always so annoyingly casual when we weren't together, but full on intimate and present when we were. I couldn't deal with that weird disconnect and things ended. (He wanted to be friends but I haven't gotten there quite yet, may never).

Guy 2 I've been seeing since July. He has a live-in girlfriend. We go out to concerts, movies, dinner, bars, etc, and then have a hot physical connection as well. Up until now I have been fine with the casual level of things, but then, I wonder, is it a little strange? He sleeps over, leaves first thing in the morning and then I don't hear from him for a week or more?

I guess the bottom line with this post, is that I think I'm ok with casual secondary things, but somehow it feels a bit cold and distant to have not much communication in between dates. Am I going out with the wrong people? Or is this totally common? I hear about secondary situations where people consider each other "boyfriends" and "girlfriends", but with these two guys above I feel more like a "secret".

Would love to hear thoughts from the ladies and the guys. I just feel like I'm too cool a person to have to feel like a "secret" and it leaves me feeling crappy, like I'm not connecting with these people in a very meaningful way.
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