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  #91  
Old 02-24-2012, 07:46 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by evrchanging View Post

How can one love another without first loving themselves?
LOL, I doubt you have TV, much less the Logo channel and RuPaul's Drag Race show, but she says that at the end of every show.

“If You Can’t Love Yourself, How The Hell Are You Gonna Love Somebody Else?”

And then asks for an amen from the contestants. AMEN!
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Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

me: Mags, 58, living with:
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  #92  
Old 02-27-2012, 05:27 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Magdlyn View Post
LOL, I doubt you have TV, much less the Logo channel and RuPaul's Drag Race show, but she says that at the end of every show.

“If You Can’t Love Yourself, How The Hell Are You Gonna Love Somebody Else?”

And then asks for an amen from the contestants. AMEN!


No I do not have TV. LOL, that is funny. AMEN!
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I make the letter V. I am married to my wife Jewel (MtoF) for 8 years. Adopted into our family is my Sextoy/SSO (Straight Male).--Not living together.
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  #93  
Old 03-11-2012, 10:01 PM
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Default The last month in recap.

1. Lover has gotten to the point of letting me snuggle him in front of everyone. The kids, Lover and I have gotten into a fun game of wrestling on his bed. He tries to get out of it but being as strong as I am I just kidnap him and drag him back. Then Woogie and Rayne commence to torturing. I sometimes sneak in kisses on his face.

2. Jewell set up a town trip were I got private time with Lover. It being as cold as it was I didn't shower before going back to pick up everyone at my house. The Dew hugged me and then sniffed me again. "Wow you smell like Lover." she said. She did it to me three times before I sent her outside. Jewell in the background trying not to giggle.

3. I was late for my period, and almost panicked. I got tested at my doc app. It came out negative. I was mostly happy and knew I wasn't, but there was a very small part of me that was hoping I was. It turned out to be the medicine I am on.

4. The doctor also asked about my personal relationships and I wasn't shy in the lest to explain things to him.

5. The last Tuesday I spent at Lovers was crazy fun. We had so many sessions I hardly wanted to sit down the next day. Anything that gives me pleasure is used against me many many times.

6. I realized when I come home Jewell can and usually is a little insecure and in need of lots of love and touching. I realized that I love to satisfy her wishes not out of guilt, like last year, but out of simple love and simply missing her.

7. I have stared up running, exercising, and reading again. I think I will even start my poetry/photography book up again.

8. All of us together as a family have put in everything to get stuff done. We do keep our accounts separate but we have been mingling enough to get the garden started, and finish a few lingering projects. Lover wants to take me to a business seminar to help get me up and moving at a faster pace. I have been really helping him out by bringing most of the food over for dinners, and leaving the leftovers. He has been letting us borrow his truck. We have been taking care of three of his goats that need a little T.L.C. We are still doing town trips together weekly.

9. I am not a very good flirt. Lover says I look like a raptor sizing up its prey, calculating the attack. Mind you he also said it was very sexy and kind of scary at the same time.

10. I made Jewell pinky swear that she would stop joking around about leaving me. She got drunk and very rude to me. She called me fat, and other things that were very hurtful, and in front of Lover and the kids to boot. She apologized full hearted the next day, and was sheepishly very sorry. It still does hurt quite a bit.
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I make the letter V. I am married to my wife Jewel (MtoF) for 8 years. Adopted into our family is my Sextoy/SSO (Straight Male).--Not living together.

Last edited by evrchanging; 03-11-2012 at 10:04 PM. Reason: errors
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  #94  
Old 03-17-2012, 06:10 AM
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As I calmed from an intense orgasm I whispered startled if Lover had turned me into an animal. "No", his breathy reply whispered back, "I have simply turned you into a Lover."
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I make the letter V. I am married to my wife Jewel (MtoF) for 8 years. Adopted into our family is my Sextoy/SSO (Straight Male).--Not living together.
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  #95  
Old 03-17-2012, 09:45 AM
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Lovely to read how it is going. It sounds like family to me, in the best of ways. <3
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  #96  
Old 04-27-2012, 01:19 AM
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I cannot believe it has been so long since I wrote last. Jewell and I have some drop down drag out fights. If I got on here and maybe I should write more when I get in tough spots, I would have said some pretty nasty things about Jewell.

Here is something I started writing:

I am not going to sugar coat this one I believe that Jewell is being an absolute jerk lately. It began to grow when I left last Tuesday. The Dew was sick. I was going to call Lover and call off my town trip. He came over way early. I decided to go with to get fresh food and run my few errands. I offered to come home that night but she said it was all fine. The next day everyone came over to Lovers and The Dew was fine. We came home and the house was a absolute mess. I got mad about it. I must admit that yes in a way I was slightly out of line. I have had sick kids with no help and still kept everything in order.

We got into a huge fight about that. She turns around and calls me judgmental when I ask her to take more time with the kids, and read to them, or ask that she make better meals for the kids when I am gone. Instead of just letting them snack around most of the day.

She also says the sexual excitement in me is gone. I wonder why. She wants to uncover that can of worms fine. She wont touch me.

It took us about 2 weeks to sort through it all. What still pisses me off is in times of dire stress or one of our kids going through a phase I get shit. She drags out my skeletons and then turns around and makes herself a martyr. Its not fair to me. I bust my ass just as hard to get things done. When it comes down hard. Its her that does it all and it must be a crack in my character somewhere.

For example, I pinned her down on our food issue. Food is getting hard to afford. We aren't struggling that bad. It is just that she wants to eat at a higher level (more organic) and I would so agree, but I have so much in the budget for food. With four people to feed, and all the meals to make from scratch, its not easy. I have to cook from scratch as much as possible being lactose intolerant, and having sever migraines with preservatives. I offered her to take over for a month and she glared at me and left.

I am asking for more help when I ask her to spend more time with the kids, and yes read to them. She needs to focus in on them more. She actually took on a discipline issue I was having with The Dew the other day. Usually she "disappears" when I have to get "un-fun" with the kids. This time The Dew had pushed her a little to far, and she got timed out by her. Wow, guess what she told me. She behaves much better when the two of us work together. Its always just you and she sees you as just a meenie. Dhua. Can she keep it up. She has read them 2 books since I begged, last month.

I am playing mother and father here. I school The Dew, keep the house clean, run the business, take care of the errands in town, keep the budget in order, feed everyone, take care of Woogie, Play with/read too both kids. I don't want to martyr myself. I just want more help.

Her focus is on our goats. Everything is the goats. I want to cut the goat number down way down to 10. I need her, and her focus. She don't see that. When I brought up dropping the goat numbers she got bent out of shape that Lover didn't like that many? I tried to explain to her that has nothing to do with it. I want her focus. I am tiered of goats. I am tiered of everything.
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I make the letter V. I am married to my wife Jewel (MtoF) for 8 years. Adopted into our family is my Sextoy/SSO (Straight Male).--Not living together.
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  #97  
Old 04-27-2012, 07:32 AM
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The moral of the last post is that no marriage is perfect. She loves her goats, I do to, and I am a high strung nutt that needs a chill pill. Seriously she could write a list as long as mine on things that irk her about me. I am hot tempered, don't tend to listen, and I can be very cold and closed off at times.

What matters is that because she is she and I am I we fit together as one. Our differences make us a strong standing family. Every night I look forward to her arms wrapping around. She loves me with all of her heart and I do to. All we can do is work on those things. We have been together for 8 years. Not just together for sake of kids, but together because we love to snuggle with one another. We love to work on projects, and dream stupid big dreams. We love to play like kids, and piss each other off pushing buttons.

Of course one can push too far. That’s when things have to get straightened out. It helps. It has helped me heal, and Jewell heal when done right. Marriage for us is constantly shifting and changing. Sometimes the earthquakes knock us into each other, sometimes they pull us apart. In the end we always end up intertwined together at night, or dancing in the kitchen with no music.

As for Lover we kindly let him know that we were working on some things. I had to leave him alone for over a week. I am a very private person, and would find it overstepping so many bounds to go and whine to him. Once it was worked out we explained what in general we were going through, and made it clear it was not because of our (Lover and I's) relationship.


Jewell is picking her top 10 goats. I am trying to relax more and be a little more um, gentle about how I ask for things. It is always a work in progress. It is ever changing or it is dying. I am everchanging. I am rambling. Good night.
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I make the letter V. I am married to my wife Jewel (MtoF) for 8 years. Adopted into our family is my Sextoy/SSO (Straight Male).--Not living together.
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  #98  
Old 04-27-2012, 11:31 PM
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SNeacail SNeacail is offline
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Wow I was just thinking of you the other day and wondering how you guys were doing. My husband and I go through similar battles. It wasn't until we were in therapy that some of the things I had been trying to say registered for him. Basically, we need to operate as a PARTNERSHIP. This means that everyone needs to pitch in and it's BOTH parents responsibility to back up the other parent. My husband actually thought it was ok to just sit back and watch, while I got frustrated with the kids. He was "letting me handle it" .

Every couple of months, my husband and I have to write out all the stuff that needs to be done (fix the sprinklers, patch the wall, etc) and review all the everyday chores. We then prioritize and determine what we can realistically get done. Between all our outside activities, we also have to check our calendars for everyday chores.

It might help to have "chore boards" for everyone, including the kids. Use magnets, velcro or such and write out each chore/responsibility individually and then place it under the name of the person that usually takes care of it. That way, when there is a HUGE imbalance, it's very obvious to everyone. However, you also have to be willing to allow others to do the job, even if it's not how or as good as you would have done it. Don't expect Jewell to be able to do even 1/2 of the chores you get done while watching the kids. She is NOT you, she doesn't have a system all worked out yet, cut her some slack if she is stepping outside her comfort zone and praise her for what she did do (this is seriously hard when you come home and see all the stuff that's left for you to do yet).
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  #99  
Old 04-30-2012, 05:01 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SNeacail View Post
Wow I was just thinking of you the other day and wondering how you guys were doing. My husband and I go through similar battles. It wasn't until we were in therapy that some of the things I had been trying to say registered for him. Basically, we need to operate as a PARTNERSHIP. This means that everyone needs to pitch in and it's BOTH parents responsibility to back up the other parent. My husband actually thought it was ok to just sit back and watch, while I got frustrated with the kids. He was "letting me handle it" .

Every couple of months, my husband and I have to write out all the stuff that needs to be done (fix the sprinklers, patch the wall, etc) and review all the everyday chores. We then prioritize and determine what we can realistically get done. Between all our outside activities, we also have to check our calendars for everyday chores.

It might help to have "chore boards" for everyone, including the kids. Use magnets, velcro or such and write out each chore/responsibility individually and then place it under the name of the person that usually takes care of it. That way, when there is a HUGE imbalance, it's very obvious to everyone. However, you also have to be willing to allow others to do the job, even if it's not how or as good as you would have done it. Don't expect Jewell to be able to do even 1/2 of the chores you get done while watching the kids. She is NOT you, she doesn't have a system all worked out yet, cut her some slack if she is stepping outside her comfort zone and praise her for what she did do (this is seriously hard when you come home and see all the stuff that's left for you to do yet).
Yes, I agree as a partnership and both to back up one another in the parenting department. I can see Jewell as one to get into the situation of "letting me handle it." I like the idea of a chore board. We have one for The Dew and I keep one for my chores in my binder. So, it would only be a hop and a skip to make one out for everyone. I will talk to Jewell and see what she thinks.

I realized, like I said, that I stepped outta bounds for getting so frustrated. I felt really bad about it for a while. I think though it helped to work through some issues. For once I caught myself, truly happy that Jewell had done the dishes. I could have so barked at her for missing the pans and the counter. But instead I just came in and we worked arm in arm and got it all done together. It was a bonding moment, that we needed. Time to hang out with one another.

We have been working through things like that. I helped her do some of her work and have been trying to invade more of her space, and help her with her things. She in turn is doing the same for me. Because of that we are growing back together again. We are like two trees. We grow apart sometimes and we intertwine sometimes. What we have learned or are learning is to not get so spooked when we grow a little apart. I think for us its more intense in the growing apart phases because we don't have an intimate connection that reminds us of our roots.
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I make the letter V. I am married to my wife Jewel (MtoF) for 8 years. Adopted into our family is my Sextoy/SSO (Straight Male).--Not living together.
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  #100  
Old 04-30-2012, 05:17 AM
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Friday became our go to town day. We got our usual chores done. Lover took me out to eat at a nice all you can eat mexican restaurant. We listened to a ball game, on the radio, and relaxed for the rest of the afternoon. When the rest of the family got to his place we made dinner for everyone. I asked if I could stay the night. It seemed like his cold was almost gone. Lover thought it was over and he was all okay. To our surprise it came back to haunt him all night long. Things weren't working well and he was super bummed and worried that I might get upset. I stayed up with him through his coughing fits, and cuddled when he could lay down. We didn't get any solid sleep until later in the morning. Just a nap between 9-11. I could tell he felt really bad about the whole thing. I hugged him as he apologized for the thousandth time. I told him that he needed the company and support. He looked at me and said that I was all the company he wanted, not any other girl. I guess that is his first I love you. It still makes my heart melt.
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I make the letter V. I am married to my wife Jewel (MtoF) for 8 years. Adopted into our family is my Sextoy/SSO (Straight Male).--Not living together.
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