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Old 02-24-2012, 07:35 AM
Stardust's Avatar
Stardust Stardust is offline
New Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Canada
Posts: 2
Red face From Canada with poly love ~ though a bit stuck...

Hi everyone,

I'm a queer bi/pan female living in the Great Multicultural North (a.k.a Canada). I don't really know where to start here. I am sure every member here has her or his own long, complex and very unique life story to tell. That's what makes this lifestyle both exciting and terrifying to me.

I am in a long term relationship (practically married) with another queer female - we've been together for almost a decade (!). For at least the past 6 or 7 of those years, we have been openly discussing polyamory. We realized in the early years that we love each other very much, so much that there's no doubt in either of us that we want to be together for our whole lives.

While that is a such a romantic idea, one of the truths we both came to realize is that a psychological committment like that, neither of us could sustain if there was also an expectation of emotional and sexual exclusivity. So, we came to an agreement that we were allowed to see other people, and besides being 100% honest with each other, there are no hard or fast rules. We are each other's anchors. I can speak for myself and for her when I say, though, that we are very open to have other people in our lives, to whatever extent that the relationship(s) mutually, organically, evolve into being. Bottom line is: I am in a long term relationship with another woman and we are both bi, poly and we are open and honest with each other. For the purposes of this forum, I will call her Emily.

The problem I am having, and have been having, for the last few years, is finding another partner. It sounds a bit dorky, but that is why I am here. I just don't know if there is something wrong with me, or what I am doing wrong. Maybe I have no idea how to initiate a poly relationship. Maybe I am too comfortable in my primary relationship. Maybe I am missing signals from people around me who may be attracted to me. Emily does not have another relationship right now either. This is the thing, we have been poly "in theory" for quite a few years. Why can't be seem to be able to put our theories into practice? Are we just afraid of failure in the real world? I spend quite a bit of time reading poly blogs and listening to poly podcasts. How can I actually go about changing whatever is holding me back, and start living the life I imagine.

I guess I'm here to learn from everyone else's experiences, and possibly get involved in discussions when I have something to contribute.

Thanks for the forum to the mods and the regular members. I've been lurking and reading a bit here and there, and I am so glad I found you all

Last edited by Stardust; 02-24-2012 at 07:43 AM. Reason: Edited to fix typos
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