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  #11  
Old 02-20-2012, 12:37 AM
AutumnalTone AutumnalTone is offline
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Originally Posted by sefton View Post
think about it...if you are someones only partner, then you are a much more significant and influencing part of their life than if they had a dozen other partners. agree? im not saying you love them less if you have more partners, but you certainly have more of an impact on their life if you are the only one. and personally, id rather be extremely significant to my partners life than anything even slightly less significant than it could be, and i would want a partner who wanted the same in me
No. Your suppositions are all grounded in monogamy, so I have to wonder why you're posting here.

I have to say this smacks of trollery.
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  #12  
Old 02-20-2012, 12:40 AM
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BrigidsDaughter BrigidsDaughter is offline
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I don't think any of us are saying that it's a chore to be with you, but it is psychologically unhealthy to be codependent; which to me is what most people seem to want when they claim that they want a partner who is their everything and vice versa.

Having your own life, friends, etc IS healthy and helps you appreciate your partner(s) for the amazing things they bring to your life. Everyone in my life is there because I want them there; friends, family, lovers. I tell people, that if you're in my life, you're important. When I chose someone to be mine (friend, lover, etc) they are mine for life, I'm fiercly loyal and protective of them.

I am sorry that you've experienced people making you feel like you were a chore.

Last edited by BrigidsDaughter; 02-20-2012 at 12:43 AM.
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  #13  
Old 02-20-2012, 03:52 AM
MeeraReed MeeraReed is offline
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If you have multiple siblings, does that mean they are less significant to you than if you have only one sibling?

Or if you have multiple children, are each of them less significant to you than if you have only one child?
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  #14  
Old 02-20-2012, 04:08 AM
Jade Jade is offline
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A chore? Now, this is interesting. Someone may have behaved in a way that made you feel like sticking with you was a chore. That's not poly. That's just someone who isn't willing to put effort into the relationship. That's a person-specific thing. You can't project it onto the group.
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  #15  
Old 02-20-2012, 09:57 PM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Life is filled with all kinds of things to do. Being in a mono relationship is not healthy if two people are glued to the hip. Poly relationships are no different.

I don't believe you are trolling so much as i sounds as if you haven't been receiving the attention that you feel you decerve and desire sefton. That isn't a poly issue if that is the case, that's your issue. If you are finding the poly people you are dating don't have enough time for you then maybe poly isn't for you. If yoiu date someone who is mono to you and still feel like that then I would wonder if you need to look into this a bit more for yourself.

Frankly, I would look deeper within yourself anyway. Maybe you aren't attracting partners who are a good fit, maybe you have some unresolved abandonment issues? As I said, this is your issue. Its not one to put on poly people.
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  #16  
Old 02-20-2012, 10:39 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia "

An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/
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  #17  
Old 02-21-2012, 03:22 AM
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Arrowbound Arrowbound is offline
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Precisely.
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  #18  
Old 02-21-2012, 07:47 AM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Maybe I believe there is good in everyone. Stupid me.
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  #19  
Old 02-21-2012, 02:59 PM
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karatekid7412589 karatekid7412589 is offline
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very true nycindie .. trolling ... :/
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I am a 19 yr old straight man hoping to overcome all of my stress associated with being poly. Thanks parents, society, and non-believers

Katie (whitelettersky): Married 26 yr old and I'm her better third since July 2011

Also looking for a female to turn the "V-relationship" into an "N" or "M" so there is less stress on the tips of the "V"
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