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  #1  
Old 11-21-2009, 04:51 AM
Dune Dune is offline
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Red face He's on his first date. Kinda mixed feelings??

My partner is out on a date tonight.
This is his first time out with another woman since we've been together.

When we first started seeing each other he was involved with another woman and I had no problems with her whatsoever.
However, the idea of him starting something up with someone new has got me a bit nervous, though Im not sure why.

Mentally and Emotionally I feel okay about it, but I've been tight chested all evening.


Has anyone else felt this? Totally fine with a partner's pre-established relationships but uneasy about new ones?


(It could also be due to the fact that we've just established our feelings for one another and are finally becoming comfortable with the idea that 'yes, this is real, and yes this is actually happening after all these years' and maybe I want to hold onto that for a little bit?
Its still throwing me off though. I told him I was nervous, but that I wanted him to have fun and wished him luck.)
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Old 11-21-2009, 05:19 AM
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MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
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ummmm.....I am sort of the extreme case. My recommendation would be to find something other than the forum to occupy yourself though. Maybe go to a movie or have coffee with a friend if you are uneasy. Sometimes the forums can sweep you up and take you places you wouldn't normally go....I'm thinking this good be one of those times LOL!

Stay true to yourself and trust in your partner
Mono
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Old 11-21-2009, 05:41 AM
Dune Dune is offline
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Oh, I definitely would, but my son is sleeping in the next room.
Going out isn't really an option.
Hehe.

I am going to take a hot shower and then work on my philosophy paper. Nothing like an ethical debate to take one's mind off the little things.

I love him and I trust him. And I know this is what I want. It excites me that he's doing this. It excites me that he is finally allowed to be free to do whatever he wants. His last relationship was incredibly overbearing and he has literally come back to life in the past couple of months. I am so thrilled that I can not only be a part of his new found freedom, but that I am a catalyst to the freedom which has turned him back into the incredible man who I have loved since we were dumbass teenagers.

I guess it's just that first hurdle. The first time you rip off a bandaid, and realize it was nowhere near as bad as you worked it up in your head to be.
The real test will be tomorrow when he tells me all about it.
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Old 11-21-2009, 05:46 AM
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Wow...he's a lucky man.
Enjoy that paper!

Take care
Mono
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Old 11-21-2009, 03:26 PM
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I think what you are feeling is normal. Newness can be stressful because you don't know what to expect. But MonoVCPHG is giving some good advise. Treat yourself to some "Me" time. Do something you enjoy.

I hoped it went well.
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Old 11-21-2009, 04:20 PM
GroundedSpirit GroundedSpirit is offline
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Default Good advice

Hi Dune,
Good advice from both Mono & Quath !
For most people NEW equates scary. That "wiring" thing ?
And I agree with Quath that the best way to initially deal with your particular situation is just to get on with you life as if he were at work or anywhere else.
Tomorrow will be the fun day, when you sit down and share how you BOTH were feeling at the time. And what it may mean for the future. Exciting stuff. The past is just that - past. What now ? That's what matters <smile>.

GS
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Old 11-21-2009, 10:03 PM
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Wow, he is indeed a lucky man. Being mono and able to let him go and be himself is a really big gift!

Good luck!
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Old 11-22-2009, 04:56 AM
Dune Dune is offline
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Im not mono.
I am currently not seeing anyone else, I wanted to take some time to develop this relationship without distractions.
I was seeing several people casually and one seriously when he and I got together.

I am the more truly poly one. His interests in other people are more casual than mine are. I have close, intimate, emotional relationships with great sex as a byproduct. He is the other way around.

Sexually, we are open. Though if that were to be taken too far in any kind of relationship it would be a problem. No sluts allowed! But we're both in our early 20's and live in a city full of beautiful people, and have really high libidos. And we understand that.

I think that might be my issue, is that I put my other relations on the back burner to concentrate on my relationship with him, and Im not getting quite the same back. I never expected it back, but its still a bit of a bummer.
It was a choice I made free of external influence and I stand by it. I will give him all of what I have to give him, and he will do the same, even if what we're giving isn't always equal.
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Old 11-23-2009, 05:32 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dune View Post
My partner is out on a date tonight.
This is his first time out with another woman since we've been together.

When we first started seeing each other he was involved with another woman and I had no problems with her whatsoever.
However, the idea of him starting something up with someone new has got me a bit nervous, though Im not sure why.

Mentally and Emotionally I feel okay about it, but I've been tight chested all evening.


Has anyone else felt this? Totally fine with a partner's pre-established relationships but uneasy about new ones?


(It could also be due to the fact that we've just established our feelings for one another and are finally becoming comfortable with the idea that 'yes, this is real, and yes this is actually happening after all these years' and maybe I want to hold onto that for a little bit?
Its still throwing me off though. I told him I was nervous, but that I wanted him to have fun and wished him luck.)
Um, yeah-too funny. Maca's "first date" was Friday as well. Yes, I was tense. I slept with my phone in my hand all night (had reserved them a hotel room). I was up at 8 am (was supposed to pick him up there as I kept the car).

"She" is a friend of mine. I had no lack of trust or confidence as far as her knowing "her place" or "my place" or WHATEVER. I also have no concern as far as Maca goes-but yes-it was a change and it was new and it was a little emotional.

In fact because it's a "change" even if it's a good change, it's still stressful.

You are definately not alone in that feeling.
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Old 11-23-2009, 06:48 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dune View Post
Im not mono.
oops, sorry Dune, I thought you were. no wonder you are doing OK with it.
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