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Old 02-18-2012, 01:27 AM
LemonCakeIsALie33 LemonCakeIsALie33 is offline
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 73
Question Feelings for a friend - romantic or not?

Normally I'd post this question elsewhere, but I'm asking here because I expect I'd get many monogamy-centric responses elsewhere, and I want responses that more accurately reflect my worldview.

I have strong feelings for a close friend. She was the first girl I slept with and I love her very much. She is now in a monogamous relationship with a man.

Recently, I've been struggling with some feelings of jealousy. Most of the time I'm happy for her and her boyfriend, whom she likes very much.

But sometimes...

Sometimes I just want to kiss her. I want to keep her with me for a little while, cuddle her, have her sexually. I want to spend time with her.

However, I don't often find myself obsessively thinking about her, as I do about most crushes.

I'm not exactly sure what I want from her. Our friendship seems to hover on the edge of romantic, and we both consider ourselves more or less heteroromantic, but...

See, people who aren't in a poly mindset might say "jealousy means you like her romantically! that's how you know how strong your feelings are!" But I don't think jealousy implies strength of affection.

How can I figure out what I feel for her? Could it be merely friendship and sexual, not romantic?

What do you think?
Me: 22-year-old female, cis and queer, have identified as poly for ~2 years, currently in my first committed poly relationship

A: Poly boyfriend since 9/17/13, currently sexually open and not seeing other romantic partners but open to such in the future
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