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  #11  
Old 02-16-2012, 11:42 PM
km34 km34 is offline
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Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
Well, having done a search, I came upon a whole thread called "polyfuckery." It might help to do a search and see te others there too. Here's the thread http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showt...ht=polyfuckery.
Thanks for this! I did a search but for some reason missed this one. Not sure why.
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  #12  
Old 02-16-2012, 11:55 PM
km34 km34 is offline
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Originally Posted by AnnabelMore View Post
lI think of swinging as being a specific community and type of lifestyle that's focused on couples and sometimes bi females (lesbians, bi dudes, single dudes, gay dudes, and transsexuals don't seem to be invited to the swinging party, so to speak? am I mistaken about that?), characterized by sex for fun, sometimes with warm feelings, but no real independent dating/relationships. In contrast, polyfuckery, like polyamory, seems to me to be, in connotation, less limited in terms of gender, orientation, and configuration.
You are pretty much right about lesbians, bi men, gay men, and transsexuals not being included often in swinging very often.

Single men, however, are often sought out, although there are so many of them that it isn't often talked about except for the negative aspects - i.e. the disrespect, pushiness, etc. that people often associate with single men.

Bi men are also a lot more common than most people realize, although you usually don't discover it until you actually meet them. They will say they're straight until you get close to playing and then it comes out that they wouldn't be opposed or even request to do m-m stuff too.

I have only met one lesbian couple that attempted to swing for a while, but since they were both actually lesbians and not bi, they apparently didn't have much luck. That kind of surprised me since they said they weren't opposed to a man watching or touching his partner but wouldn't want him to touch them. Most men I know would LOVE to see their girlfriends/wives with two other women even if they couldn't be involved, so I was surprised they couldn't find couples that fit their desires.

I have never met any gay men or transsexuals at any swinger's events. Nor have I seen any on the websites I've used over the years.
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  #13  
Old 02-17-2012, 03:31 PM
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RfromRMC RfromRMC is offline
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Originally Posted by km34 View Post
Bi men are also a lot more common than most people realize, although you usually don't discover it until you actually meet them. They will say they're straight until you get close to playing and then it comes out that they wouldn't be opposed or even request to do m-m stuff too.
Very true. I've given up trying to figure out who is and who isn't, in that context.

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I have never met any gay men or transsexuals at any swinger's events. Nor have I seen any on the websites I've used over the years.
Gay male equivalents of swinging...or probably more accurately put, just good old plain Orgies or sex parties....are very common but are very much an underground thing that no one outside of that community would even be aware of.
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  #14  
Old 02-17-2012, 06:58 PM
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I've always thought that polyfuckery was a derogatory term used for people who pay lip service to polyamory - in other words, they say they are polyamorous or that they want polyamory, but they're really just in it for the sex and don't put the effort into cultivating caring relationships with the people they hook up with. They will tend not to be honest about who they're fucking, etc. So if you say someone is into polyfuckery, you're basically saying they're pretending to be poly and have an ulterior motive of getting laid more than developing loving relationships. Hence, polyfuckery. When I have a chance, I'll go read that thread and the other links about it.

As to the original topic of this thread, I see swinging as a couple-centric recreational activity. Although there are many exceptions, most people who engage in swinging do not want emotions to come up while they engage in having sex with other people, whom they may or may not know, and they strongly believe in separating love from sex. The preservation of The Couple is very important to swingers.

I see being open as the ability to engage in casual sex, where developing a relationship isn't necessarily the goal but it isn't swinging either. People can be open on an individual level or as a couple but it does not exclude having other committed caring relationship(s) as well. So, one person in a couple or other configuration could be open and have casual sex partners but their committed partner does not.
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Last edited by nycindie; 02-17-2012 at 09:35 PM.
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  #15  
Old 02-17-2012, 08:40 PM
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Originally Posted by km34 View Post

I have never met any gay men or transsexuals at any swinger's events. Nor have I seen any on the websites I've used over the years.
When my gf was dating a swinging female 10 years ago, she (my gf, who has transitioned) was presenting as an effeminate male. While at the actual play parties, she either had sex with her gf, or watched people do sex.

Twice, however, she was followed to the mens' room by men who requested a clandestine bj.

I could never be a swinger because of the inherent misogyny and hypocritical homophobia.
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