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Old 02-16-2012, 12:14 AM
Sociopath Sociopath is offline
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Default The Double Standard: Is it REALLY a double standard?

I'm curious how people on this forum will answer the question of whether or not the double standard is in fact a double standard. I already heard plenty answers from mainstream people, and the opinions vary.

In particular, women who've been cheated on and are currently unhappy with themselves are quickest to not want to hear about it. And men who've been cheated on, but who find it difficult to attract the opposite sex also don't like to hear about it much (i.e. I'm wondering if those men are, secretly, envious of the "bad boy" asshole who goes through women faster than through condoms).

What's good for the goose is good for the gander. Women, too, want to sow their wild oats. Have your cake and eat it too! "What, you get to run around and have fun while I'm supposed to play the faithful housewife?"

Through a series of events over the past several years, I've been brought to ponder over human sexuality. Political correctness, though maybe soft and polite, has proven to be a load of horseshit when trying to accurately explain some of the mating behaviors of humans.

One recurring theme is the topic of non-monogamy. Much has convinced me that we're predisposed to it, irrespective of what every Happily Ever After indoctrinates us into believing. I am convinced, now, that non-monogamy is the norm. It is not a recessive tendency left over like the appendix, as some dishonest and sexually frustrated hypocrites would have you think.

Sex? Sex is good. Love? Few people have ever come up with a definition for that word without getting me to roll my eyes. But love sounds very nice, too. That's when I came across polyamory.

"Polyamory" started out as a beautiful word to me. It's as if I've come across somebody else like me. I remember several years back hearing on some radio talk show the question of whether or not people can be in multiple relationships, and I imagined myself in a situation involving more than one woman. It's like some sort of prehistoric well was tapped into. It felt normal. It felt natural. It felt serene. It made sense. It wasn't about collecting women with which to build a reliable booty call machine, either.

I didn't ponder over it too much. I still maintained in my head that, ultimately, even though there is no "one" soul mate out there, there's still the mechanism that has you forsake all others upon securing a mate. Imagine my surprise when I realized, "Holy crap. The world is full of vaginas! Immediately after becoming emotionally involved with my significant other, I started noticing my appetite for women. Like, left-and-right. Women that I wouldn't have even glanced at before, now all of a sudden became fuckable.

I shrugged at it at the time, kinda with the, "Hmm... that's interesting. Odd, but interesting" dismissal. The thing that made me most confused was having to fit two things, mutually exclusive according to the vanilla culture I grew up in, of being madly in love with this one chick, yet it was like open season with so many others.

Later on down the road, I thought I was alone and messed up in the head, or broken. Of course, like all things that interest me, I dug more and more.

Along the way, a few red flags came up. Too many people with issues and baggage. Off the top of my head, I'm reminded of this dude who learned to be afraid of ALL WOMEN because his ex-wife chopped his arm off or something. I mean, LMFAO, like holy shit that's crazy... but still, c'mon, ALL WOMEN? :lol3: So many triads formed with a younger, financially unstable, emotionally confused women. So many people speaking of health problems, particularly psychological.

I was very disappointed after I realized I gave them, as a collective whole, too much credit for being intelligent and well-versed in all matters related to love and sex. I saw that, like with anything else corrupted by too many people hopping aboard, there were a few impressive people and a majority of unimpressive people. It more and more turned into a case of the obnoxious, wine drinker scoffing at those who get hammered off beer. Hey, listen, you might have some people fooled, but both you and I know that the wine is there to get drunk off.

The word has since been tainted for me. If I hear one more thing about unicorns, magick (with a K ) spells, sexual healers, or spirituality, I'm going to pop a vein.

Though with much reluctance at first, I've come to believe now that this species is polygynous. So much behavior that was strange and counter-intuitive back then now makes clear sense. If our explanations of human behavior break when put to the test, under a system of monogamy, could it be that monogamy is an inappropriate prism through which to explain behaviors? Further, if all pre-existing "mysteries of the heart" are made no longer mysterious when looked at with the assumption of polygyny, is it too radical a proposition that maybe we're, wait for it... polygynous, NOT monogamous?

If we're polygynous, shouldn't monogamy, and especially polyandry, be non-existent? Yeah, you'd think so, but things aren't ever so simple with the human species, are they?

"But wait, women cheat, too! And now in higher numbers than ever, ever since the 50s housewife oppression stopped."

A usually unchallenged argument, it's easy to end the discussion there for most people. Sure, you think, men and women are equal except for a few anatomical differences. It all make sense.

Think harder...

MEN DO CHEAT! It is a fact. Also, WOMEN DO CHEAT! It is a fact. According to some academic studies, the percentage of men cheating is being caught up with by the percentage of women cheating. It goes something like 60% of men did or will cheat, 40% of women did or will cheat.

Statistics lie. Yeah, that's what happens when you put a nerd in charge of commenting on sex. The numbers alone would have you believe that 6 out of 10 men cheat, and that 4 out of 10 women cheat.

Is anyone going to dig further and take a closer look at WHY men or women cheat, to see if maybe there are different motivators?

When's the last time you've seen a woman cheat an a very attractive man who takes good care of her, emotionally, excites her even while being platonic, and makes her cum in multiple waves into female ejaculation? Uh huh...

When's the last time you've NOT seen a man curiously stealing glances at other women, even if he's already being dry humped by a woman so hot, she makes you want to go down on her even if she hasn't showered in a day? Pay attention next time you're in public.

I can already hear some of you whining, "But I know a woman who cheated on a guy who's actually pretty handsome, successful, interesting. And I DEFINITELY know of a man who's not interested in other woman--right honey, you're not interested in other women?"

1) YOU might think he's attractive and charming. But the woman who cheated on him has moved on to greener pastures. Trust me.

2) Hah! It's easy to be a monogamous dude if you're so ugly that fucking things up with your current significant other means you won't get laid for another 9 - 13 months. Think about it...

**********

- If that were really true, then geese would be sleeping with geese... 'cause it's good for the gander to sleep with geese. Giggidy. And oh yeah, geese would also be paying for dinner. And buy expensive diamond rings for the gander!

- This one's stupid. Women DON'T HAVE OATS. There's no oats! Women are more like tiny little pots of fertile soil in which only one seed from only one tree can grow... onto which wild oats are spread.

- It's really more about having lots of different cakes and eating lots of different cakes.

**********

"What, you get to run around and have fun while I'm supposed to play the faithful housewife?" I see this question pop up everywhere, in one form or another.

I think the more important thing to establish is not whether or not she's supposed to do this or not do that... I think it makes more sense to ask whether or not she even wants to be running around, having fun.

Imagine this dialogue:

"Hey honey, I love you but there are a few other women I'm interested in. It's sexual, yeah, but they're kind of nice to hang out with, too."

"WHAAAAAT?! Fine. If you want to fuck those women, I'll just go fuck hot men."

"Ouch. Dammnit. I'd rather you not."

"Wait, so YOOOOOU get to screw around and I'm supposed to keep my legs closed from all but the oh-so-godly you???"

"Ok, seriously, do you want to screw other men or not??!"

"Well, there IS this guy at work who flirts with me. He's kind of interesting."

"I said do YOU want to sleep with other men. I didn't ask if you know of any guys who want to plow you. I already know that there are many guys who want to plow you. Duh."

"But... but..."

"Uh huh..."

What's your take on the double standard, and on the OPP?
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  #2  
Old 02-16-2012, 12:18 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Yeah, people cheat, but cheating is not polyamory.

How old are you? Your views seem to coincide with those of an immature fratboy.
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Old 02-16-2012, 12:23 AM
Sociopath Sociopath is offline
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Is it because I'm a shallow prick who thinks that ugly people implement different mating strategies than the people whose sexual attractiveness is envied by multitudes upon multitudes?

How old are you, and how much do you weigh? Oh, and how many guys have you slept with?

C'mon, comparing me to an immature fratboy is like me comparing you to an old, bitter hag. Kinda hurts, and it's rude.

Let's play nice.
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Old 02-16-2012, 12:26 AM
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AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
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Wow, dude. Wow. WOW. Really? Wow.

I'm a woman dating another woman. She's married and is currently actively pursuing a sexual relationship with a male friend of ours as the aggressor. She's thought he was hot for years and finally decided to go for it, he had no idea she was into him. Her husband semi-regularly sleeps with other women. I'm also dating a man, who as it happens has no interest in sleeping with anyone else. No really, he knows the door's wide open and hasn't felt the urge.

My roommates are a gay, married couple. One is trans, and was born female. Of the two of them, the trans one has slept with a couple of other women of our acquaintance, the cisgendered one has slept with one other woman but mostly isn't interested in outside relationships. Both are curious about trying sex with other guys, but are waiting for the right person(s)/situations(s).

No one in my life fits into your boxes, sorry.

Also, um, sorry it turned out than the poly community was made up of humans who fuck up just like everyone else? Did that actually surprise you?

WOW.
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Old 02-16-2012, 12:30 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sociopath View Post
Oh, and how many guys have you slept with?
I lost count years ago, but what does that have to do with anything?

BTW, I am smokin' hot.
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Last edited by nycindie; 02-16-2012 at 12:33 AM.
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Old 02-16-2012, 12:31 AM
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AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
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Oh sorry, didn't answer your question. Double standards and OPP fucking suck, unless that's what the people involved all actually want. But if it's what they want, why would they need a standard/rule/policy?
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Old 02-16-2012, 12:37 AM
Sociopath Sociopath is offline
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Sexually, I am a female. A lesbian trapped in a biologically male body. In my purest form I am without gender, a sentient mind running off the hardware of fleshy neurons. I'm a feminist, and default to avoiding contact with men--just not interested. For me, the boundry intercourse and no intercourse is hard to define... where does it begin? Am I having it right now?

I'd describe myself that way, but then I'd feel like a pretentious 15-year-old who just needs to get laid.

That's why I describe myself as a straight dude who likes women, for sex and/or other pleasant interactions.
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Old 02-16-2012, 12:39 AM
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AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sociopath View Post
Sexually, I am a female. A lesbian trapped in a biologically male body. In my purest form I am without gender, a sentient mind running off the hardware of fleshy neurons. I'm a feminist, and default to avoiding contact with men--just not interested. For me, the boundry intercourse and no intercourse is hard to define... where does it begin? Am I having it right now?

I'd describe myself that way, but then I'd feel like a pretentious 15-year-old who just needs to get laid.

That's why I describe myself as a straight dude who likes women, for sex and/or other pleasant interactions.
...is your comment related to something I said? Something Nyc said? Or just an aside?
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Old 02-16-2012, 12:41 AM
Sociopath Sociopath is offline
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Sorry, gotta dart out for a moment. I'll respond to all your comments when I get back.
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Old 02-16-2012, 03:46 AM
AutumnalTone AutumnalTone is offline
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At this point, I suspect you're here for trollery. Should I get convinced of that, I'll escort you out. Just so you know.
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When speaking of various forms of non-monogamy...it ain't poly if you're just fucking around.

While polyamory, open relationships, and swinging are all distinctly different approaches to non-monogamy, they are not mutually exlusive. Folks can, and some do, engage in more than one of them at a time--and it's all good.
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