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Old 02-14-2012, 06:11 PM
soulfly soulfly is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 3
Default Any advice for dealing with animosity from non-polys

First allow me extend some Happy Valentine's Day warmth to all of you here today, and thank you for this forum, and what all of you have shared here. It's always incredibly helpful to me.

Those who may have read my introductory thread, posted oh so long ago now, may have gathered that I'm the type of person who tries to avoid confrontation if possible. Sometimes I can't though, especially in the presence of non-polys whom I've chosen to enlighten to the fact that I myself am polyamorous.

I try not to directly associate with them much anymore, because of how detrimental the news was to them, though I myself don't quite understand how. I do encounter them frequently though, and am currently in a position where I can't avoid doing so. I have wished for a long time now, that I had never even mentioned it, because there's constantly this sort of film surrounding the issue now. I just take whatever they say as easily as I can, and don't bother to respond, even though IMO they are being intentionally hateful and mean spirited, since before I even mentioned anything, we got along quite well.

Now, it's a series of constant verbal attacks about my character, and how I'm an unfaithful, despicable person, with no relationship ethic, poor morals, no understanding of what the word "love" means, and on occasion mentions of a first class trip to Hell when I die. The whole time, they neither know, nor care to know, that our circle has never grown beyond 4 people, and that we built our relationship over time, the way any monogamous couple would have done, through years of close interaction, sharing, compassion, and struggling through all the hardships life will send.

It's toxic, I know, and should simply remove myself from the situation, but I'm sort of in a position where I have to hear how much they hate me on a regular basis, and my visits here, though far too infrequent, are a legitimate source of strength for me. Anyway, I take the things they say and do personally, because they were at one time people I considered very close to my heart. That's why I even told them in the first place. Now it's kind of gotten to the point where I'm getting sick of myself for being me... again.

Any advice you can share for dealing with this animosity, or just how to actually shrug it off, and mean it when I do, I will gladly welcome with open arms.

Much love and warmth ~ soulfly
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