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  #11  
Old 02-10-2012, 09:27 PM
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I wrote about this recently in my blog.

I think it helps a ton given how small poly communities are and the different relationship forms/connections one can have in the poly context.
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Old 02-11-2012, 07:48 PM
ThatGirlInGray ThatGirlInGray is offline
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I've been thinking about this quite a bit. I'm friends with a couple of people I've connected with*, but very few. And I'm also most definitely NOT friends with a couple people I've connected with. But most of them I'm just not in touch with. I don't harbor any animosity towards them, but we aren't friends.

I don't know how much being poly has to do with this though. I didn't identify as poly until relatively recently (I agreed with the concept but wasn't familiar with the word). MC and I were semi-open in our marriage but it was all FWBs, no serious LTRs. So there were rarely "break-ups" in the usual sense of the word. Usually the "benefits" part would end BECAUSE the friendship ended. So staying friends really wouldn't have made sense.

Also, I realized that TGIB is the first poly person I've had ANY kind of connection or relationship with. No one else (as far as I know, at least) was looking for or trying to have a serious relationship with me. So perhaps their more "mono" mindset also contributed to us not staying in touch afterwards.

*I could use the term "relationship", but to me a relationship implies some sort of commitment.
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Old 02-11-2012, 11:00 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ThatGirlInGray View Post
I don't know how much being poly has to do with this though... So perhaps their more "mono" mindset also contributed to us not staying in touch afterwards.
I really don't think being poly or mono has anything to do with how friendly someone remains with an ex. I always lived monogamously until late 2010 and I have been friends with many exes, and never wanted to ever see some others. For about six years, I hung out in a large circle of friends and we all dated each other, recycled our boyfriends, and hung out - all mono! I attended two weddings of guys I dated, and they (and their wives) came to my wedding. There was one guy in those six years who must've dated about five of us in that time, and we were all friends. Some breakups are brutal and you can never go back. But it isn't about being poly or mono, it's about how well (or if) you can set aside hurt, stop seeing people as they were "back then," and how willing you are to move forward, I think.
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Old 02-14-2012, 05:48 PM
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I'm not sure how being poly and how you stay friends with exes or not has anything to do with each subject. I mainly haven't kept in contact with a lot of exes, because they were just bad choices in life so far. There is perhaps one, maybe two I am still friends with, thuogh even then, we don't really talk. There have been ones i've tried to stay friends with afterwards too, but THEY didn't want to. But it's no real loss. People come and go from my life often. Even my longest and closest friend has only been around since the beginning of high school. People change and others, you just get to know better.
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