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Old 02-14-2012, 04:32 PM
ShootingStar ShootingStar is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 3
Default My first open relationship - advice needed

I met this girl on the internet and thought she was sexy and interesting based on her profile. We only chatted a few times via message when I asked if she wanted to me. After we met I felt a strong attraction, she's smart, confident, and beautiful. But in situations involving strong emotions or attraction i've found that patience and having more experience is needed before making a decision such as seeing if she would want to be in a relationship.

After a few months I couldn't deal with not knowing how she felt anymore so I told her my feelings and she thought it was cute but that she was polyamorous. I felt and still feel that to be with her is worth the inner conflict I would have to contend with in order to have a relationship with her. When I say inner conflict I mean something I have to conquer in order to find happiness. This is my first real relationship ever, i've always been an introvert and found it difficult to make new friends or have a girlfriend. This is one of the reasons I like her so much because she's the first girl that I can make laugh regularly and we have a great time together.

My logic tells me that if a person wants to be with a person romantically then they will be with that person romantically and if not they won't especially for somebody who I perceive as strong and confident. So it doesn't matter if we were in a strictly monogamous relationship because she'll do what she feels (like break up with me to be somebody else) which I want her to do. So i'm at peace with that so far but I still get strong feelings of insecurity. I think its because i've never felt like I was good enough for people so of course when she wants to have sex with somebody else or if she will ever bring up having another relationship i'm going to feel a lot of pain.

What i'm looking for is advice on how to conquer this insecurity and how should I build a relationship with strong communication. I feel like she's so secure with herself that i'll be the only one with anything to express and that makes me feel like a downer. I don't think she would put me down or think i'm weak, actually maybe the opposite but her last true monogamous relationship had a messy breakup because her ex wanted to get married. Even then she wasn't down for that. I don't want to come off as the insecure guy and for her to think that our relationship is coming to a similar end.
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