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  #31  
Old 06-21-2011, 04:49 PM
AutumnalTone AutumnalTone is offline
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Originally Posted by NeonKaos View Post
It's funny, because on the secret FB group, someone just crawled up my butt with a "glass half empty" answer to something i said. as if pessimism is a NEGATIVE thing. I just love it when pathological optimists get irked by this sort of thing. it's so easy to do and so fun to watch.
That was only because you lowered your standards.
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  #32  
Old 06-21-2011, 04:51 PM
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Originally Posted by Ariakas View Post
I am awesome at self loving ... haha.. ok I couldn't resist sorry.. ..
Heh! I laughed hard when I realized you were talking about something which may or may not involve lubricant.
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  #33  
Old 06-21-2011, 05:12 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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That was only because you lowered your standards.


I almost got into it over there but.. meh. I'm not trying to convert people to my way of thinking.

But FTR - my standards are higher across the board than ever, if i have them at all.
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  #34  
Old 06-21-2011, 09:40 PM
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Agreed a lot of the world do have serious, seemingly unavoidable struggles but in the developed, supposedly peaceful nations a lot of pain is brought about by resistance to what is. Going with the flow and gratitude can go a long way to alleviating struggle. Remember the the serenity prayer'... accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.'
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  #35  
Old 06-21-2011, 10:28 PM
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There's a difference between "difficult and worth it" and "impossible." Relationship-wise, a lot of times... actually, I'd go so far as to say most of the time, people try to "make it work" when they're just not compatible. The belief that "love conquers all" and all that. The truth is, love isn't enough most of the time. While romance is a synonym for love, it is also a synonym for fiction.
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  #36  
Old 06-22-2011, 05:39 AM
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I like this thread. A lot of people are saying a lot of valid things here!!!

I agree with Sage. My healthy relationships are not difficult. The painful and difficult relationships I’ve been in did not last. For me, a lot of emotional pain in a relationship tends to be an indicator that something is amiss.

And River, it seems to me that along with self-love it’s important to have a basic sense of self-awareness. A foundation of self-awareness seems to go a long way when it comes to relating to others.

Very well said Minxxa!! There are real difficulties that we must deal with in life. Life can be difficult and we can’t always avoid pain and suffering. However, there is a lot of pain and suffering that is unnecessary……that people bring on themselves. Not really sure why, unless it just becomes a habit.

Sage- I love the serenity prayer!! I agree that surrendering is the key for me. Letting go and going with the flow!!

Hahaha……yes Xared. “making it work no matter what” doesn’t work in the long run. “in the name of love” let’s beat ourselves up….for some reason which I don’t get......

The key for me is knowing when to push forward and when to let go. When it comes to relationships, pleasure and pain can be good indicators. If I am experiencing more pleasure in a relationship, then it’s working for me. If I am experiencing more pain, then it isn’t really working for me.
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  #37  
Old 06-22-2011, 02:00 PM
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Originally Posted by idealist View Post
And River, it seems to me that along with self-love it’s important to have a basic sense of self-awareness. A foundation of self-awareness seems to go a long way when it comes to relating to others.
True, indeed. And it helps a lot of this self-awarenss is not imploded, stuffed all up inside itself and overly self-involved. It helps if the self is both open to the wider world and properly self-contained. Self love does make other love more possible, proportionately. The more genuine self-love we have the more we can happily share love with others. And genuine self love does allow the self to open and lighten so that it is not "imploded," as described above.
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  #38  
Old 02-13-2012, 09:58 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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I have been thinking of this thread lately because I'm beginning to reach my saturation point again with the same problems cropping up here all the time, the same questions, the amount of people who start off their posts saying their situation is unique yet we've seen their story here a gazillion times. I can't help it - I used to answer so many threads here, but lately I have no patience for most of them. I think I am becoming impatient in my own life, too. I don't like the way things are and need to make changes but feel frustrated at the enormity of the radical turn-around that is needed.

Quote:
Originally Posted by NeonKaos View Post
Just about anything I have seen asked or can imagine being asked on this forum can be answered with, "Treat others the way you would want to be treated, and don't settle for anything less than that for yourself."

Why do folks seem to think we and our situations are so "unique" that this does not apply, or that there could possibly be any more to it?
Treating ourselves and everyone around us with the same respect and loving kindness does seem to be the answer to most problems and issues. Now, how to implement that strategy...
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  #39  
Old 02-14-2012, 02:12 AM
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How about this......Treat others the way they want to be treated and notice who is interested in understanding how you want to be treated and engaged in following through with it.
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  #40  
Old 02-14-2012, 08:06 AM
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Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
I have been thinking of this thread lately because I'm beginning to reach my saturation point again with the same problems cropping up here all the time, the same questions, the amount of people who start off their posts saying their situation is unique yet we've seen their story here a gazillion times. I can't help it - I used to answer so many threads here, but lately I have no patience for most of them. I think I am becoming impatient in my own life, too. I don't like the way things are and need to make changes but feel frustrated at the enormity of the radical turn-around that is needed.
I hear ya sister. I am losing my mind behind the scenes most days. Doesn't anyone read?! Look at other threads?!! At the very least stop and think that maybe they are not the only ones on the planet that have these issues??! AHHHHH! Drives me crazy. Still, we carry on right? Patience and persistence. We will change the world... one poly newbie at a time.

I need to think of a tags that encompasses every single thing that comes up so that I can direct people to the same threads as their own. That is a struggle.... I have been thinking on that for years now.

You know what bugs me sometimes is I have seen what we repeat here over and over again in other peoples writings, on other groups and out of other peoples mouths and I remember the day when none of it existed. I can't tell you how many phrased I have seen come out of this site and become mainstream poly, yet I have never seen anyone refer to us in their writing or references. Some of them get money for the ads they post on their sites yet we don't get even a link! The amount of support and shared resources we produce for others for free, yet we don't get anything in return is mind boggling. Its very frustrating and makes me feel like this place is very under valued and under appreciated. Its hard to go on some days, yet I do and have done for years now... and likely will for more.

Again, I feel ya nycindie. I really do.
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