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  #11  
Old 02-10-2012, 09:26 AM
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Anneintherain Anneintherain is offline
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Then bringing it up sooner than later is really good, so if there's negative fallout you can deal with it long before you move there.

Have you considered dating elsewhere, now?
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Old 02-10-2012, 09:38 AM
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Keiuna Keiuna is offline
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By elsewhere, do you mean in my current town? If so, I'm sorry to say that I've pretty much exhausted all possibilities here. My current city is quite small and I haven't really met anyone that I was attracted to enough to consider dating. Anyone that I might possibly be interested in are currently in mono relationships, so they're all out of the picture

Although the thought did cross my mind that it might be nice to try a relationship before moving down there. I don't want to risk creating unnecessary tension between Jay and I, or losing my friendship with our friend. I imagine the first poly relationship that one enters can bring up some rough patches that need to get ironed out.
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Old 02-10-2012, 09:55 AM
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Anneintherain Anneintherain is offline
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Yes, I do mean locally. Have you tried www.Okcupid.com? Perhaps there are people at least within an hour or less of you that you could chat with, if not meet. Even just chatting with people who identify as poly or in open relationships who are looking for friends can help broaden your understanding of all the possibilities, and you never know what can grow from that. Not just romantic possibilities, but networking for a broader network of friends who either are poly, or understand it.

I certainly don't advocate experimenting with people just for the sake of it though. I have seen people new to poly posting along a wide spectrum, but there are two extremes for where you are at - coupled people having no experience with poly and then lucking into a good and positive experience with a first relationship with somebody they already had romantic feelings for, and negative horrible experiences with first experiences backfiring and causing drama all around when the initial love interest is somebody that was already a known factor.

If you and Jay both attempt even going for coffee with a person or two, even if nothing comes with it, it can give you a chance to process things as they come up, and really have a chance to digest how you are feeling. Now maybe you two are much more gung ho and can dive into something where a serious relationship can occur with your first foray into dating. I don't know your comfort levels, but just wanted to throw some more ideas out there.
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Old 02-10-2012, 10:24 AM
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Keiuna Keiuna is offline
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Hmm, I've considered this before. I did create an account on Plenty of Fish a while ago, but then deleted it because I felt weird "shopping" for friends or partners without Jay knowing. I just didn't have a good feeling about it. I think it might be different if we were to actually talk about it and try it though.

I have been wanting to meet more people who are interested in polyamory. This would be a great way to accomplish that.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Anneintherain
coupled people having no experience with poly and then lucking into a good and positive experience with a first relationship with somebody they already had romantic feelings for, and negative horrible experiences with first experiences backfiring and causing drama all around when the initial love interest is somebody that was already a known factor.
The latter part of this is exactly why I'm hesitant about this being our first poly experience. I think that both Jay and I value Jen's friendship so much, and the last thing I would want to do is to mess that up by trying to pursue a relationship with her. I'm especially conscious of this because Jay, Jen and I already have past drama that could resurface if not handled properly.

Thanks again for your advice. I kept flopping back and forth about this and it helped a ton. It has put this whole situation into such good perspective to be able to talk about it with someone who actually understands what polyamory is.
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