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Old 02-09-2012, 05:35 AM
ThatGirlInGray ThatGirlInGray is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Northern Cali
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
Hey, I think you are misunderstanding me! Looking at my sentence that you quoted, I see why. I know that no b/c is foolproof (um, hello, I've been around a while).
Ok, good, I'm glad I misunderstood because I REALLY couldn't believe you said that!
Quote:
What does 41 weeks got to do with it? I don't mind being called blunt, but tactless? Sheesh, we're all adults, right? Was I supposed to pussyfoot around the pregnant woman?
To put it bluntly, yes. There's a huge difference between giving someone the unvarnished truth and hitting them over the head with it. At 41 weeks, she's counting every day, every hour, on edge, constantly wondering when it's going to be "the time" and what's going to happen, if it's going to go well, especially with her first birth. Her body is huge and unwieldy and at the very least uncomfortable and not sleeping well. Nevermind the hormones that are ALL OVER the place. Maybe I'm projecting overmuch and maybe her pregnancy isn't as miserable as some (I hope not!) but I've done it twice and had a LOT of pregnant friends. Nature makes the end of pregnancy miserable on purpose, I think, to make us willing to go through labor to get that child OUT! So at least have some empathy and err on the side of speaking with some gentleness and compassion.
Quote:
All I meant was that the OP's hubs is responsible, too
and
Quote:
My main point was that she shouldn't be feeling like she's fucked up his chance to be poly somehow by getting preggers, as if that is all her fault, and he shouldn't be complaining about it. He was there, he played a part, so it's not all on her. She got pregnant -- it happened. They are in this together, and made their choices, but I see lots of self-blaming going on and was mostly responding to this:
Yes, which is why I said I mostly agreed with you. I thought the rest of what you said was spot-on, which probably contributed to why the part I had a problem with seemed SO out of place.

Thanks for clarifying.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pretzels View Post
Maybe that's him, alone. And maybe that's her, too.

Good luck. Try not to go insane.
I'd be REALLY careful about opening the door to her helping with the baby. Friends and family can help cook, clean, maybe even change a diaper or two, but that's new parent/child bonding time. If you are already dealing with issues regarding her presence in your life I personally wouldn't be willing to have her around WHILE I'm getting used to motherhood and getting to know my new child. I didn't even care for having my mother-in-law around! This is your child as much as his and you have EVERY right to say who is or is not welcome around you and the baby in the first few months, at least.
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Tags
abandonment, cheating, divorce, secondaries, secondary

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