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  #31  
Old 02-05-2012, 01:38 PM
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Originally Posted by dolphindream View Post
I just love the man so much that I don't want to leave. I think it is just a matter of how much shit I will take before I do.
Sometimes loving someone just ain't enough, hon. You can love him all you want but, at the end of the day, are you being treated with respect, kindness, and caring? Are your needs and feelings being considered? Are your communications honest?

And besides, where is your love for yourself? That should come first. When you are your own primary, you make choices that are based in self-respect and honor who you are and what you need.


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I really wish I had someone to spend vday with.....
Oh, please don't buy into that bullshit. Valentine's Day is really not important. It's a fake holiday and only means what you want it to mean. Spend a day with good friends who love and care about you or give yourself a spa day.
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  #32  
Old 02-06-2012, 01:28 AM
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If it's any consolation, I'm spending Valentine's evening writing a midterm, and my husband will be 800 km way.
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Last edited by SchrodingersCat; 02-06-2012 at 01:31 AM.
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  #33  
Old 02-06-2012, 01:56 AM
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Oh well, its just a crappy marketing scam anyway!!!!
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  #34  
Old 02-06-2012, 02:09 AM
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Oh well, its just a crappy marketing scam anyway!!!!
Yes and I'm not buying into it!
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  #35  
Old 02-06-2012, 05:36 AM
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Does he feel sorry for all the other women in his life? Is this why there ae so many? Because he collects women that can't take care of themselves and he likes to take care of women that are kittens trapped up a tree? Is he just too much of a sucker that he can't say goodbye because he doesn't want to hurt their feelings? He is anyway isn't he, by stringing them all along? GAH, this is bizarre to me. What is it with this guy? Sorry dolphindream, I know you love him, but what is the story here?
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  #36  
Old 02-06-2012, 01:47 PM
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Hi Redpepper,
Basically after my own analysis of him, he is not truly poly, he is a sex addict. As far as feeling sorry for S., she has medical issues and is broke because she can't work so he feels sorry for her. She begged to go on the cruise due to the fact that she could never afford one herself, to which I said Horseshit! I told him that most of the cruises I have been on I made less than 10 bucks an hour and we planned them in advance to save and pay for them. She is simply convenient. Her house is close to his office, he is a sex addict, you do the math. I spoke with him last night and he suggested to bring her friend along to entertain her.....good idea asI am not budging an inch on the deal that we have made. He agreed that she would need someone to hang out with. While I do believe he loves some of us and cares for the rest, he is not truly poly. It is much more of a sex addiction and he admitted to me last night that he just can't seem to go for that long having just one woman sexually. His true motivation for bringing her along.

Ain't love grand!!!!
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  #37  
Old 02-07-2012, 05:39 AM
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Red Flags everywhere.....is this really love?? I'm probably older than you...not sure how old you are. But after a while, what happens in life, you can look back and realize that you've been "in love" so many times. Infatuation....new relationships energy....lust......love......it's easy to confuse these things. What I do know....now that I'm older is this. I don't care how much I LOVE someone. When I realize that they are unhealthy- I move away from them and go through the grieving process. There are 4 main issues that can not be overcome and when a person encounters one or more of these issues.....pretty much the relationship is doomed......Those issues are adultery (deceit), addiction, abuse and abandonment. Why would you want to make a conscious decision to pursue a relationship with an addict?? I can't believe you are moving forward with this. I suspect that if you really understood addiction, you would run not walk in the opposite direction. It might be a good idea to learn about addiction.
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  #38  
Old 02-07-2012, 05:46 AM
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Basically, you've become like a drug for him. A sex addict is not going to be able to experience a healthy loving relationship. The question is; why would you settle for this? What is keeping you from pursuing something healthier?
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  #39  
Old 02-07-2012, 07:25 AM
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From what I know, having done some research because of a thread here (maybe there is something in the tags? "Sex addiction" maybe?), sex addiction is more about being compelled to have sex so often that the person is not of interest. In fact, from what I have heard, people with sex addictions very rarely leave their on line porn. They don't want the relationship AT ALL, just to get off.

To me it doesn't sound like he has a sex addiction, he sounds like a man that sees sex and love separately maybe. He needs her (and others)for the sexual satisfaction and maybe you (and others) for the love. The two likely cross over sometimes. If that's his poly then that his poly. No one has a right to tell him otherwise, he just needs to be upfront about his game.

Can't fault him for getting his needs met. The thing is that you would have to agree to his boundaries and you don't seem to be. If this isn't working for you then I would be asking for some clear boundaries about when others are around and dividing time up better. If he can't/won't do that because it cuts into his feeling sorry for someone (a lie I suspect, as I bet he will deal out to fuck her) then maybe its time to move on.
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  #40  
Old 02-07-2012, 11:48 AM
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Hi Red pepper,
thanks for the feedback. I think you may be right and too late. Yesterday Suzanne emailed me with all of this crap about fighting me for him. I lowered the boom and told him simply her or me. The gloves are off, I am tired of this bitch emailing me all the time with her shit. I told him I was through, he could choose. He asked if he could still take Tammy on the cruise, I said yes because she has never been anything but nice. I don't mind the 3some thing, just sick of Suzanne trying to control him and me. If he tries to change up on me. I am outta here. This has become too much shit for a nickel.

thanks everyone
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