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  #51  
Old 02-05-2012, 01:40 PM
JaneQSmythe JaneQSmythe is offline
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Originally Posted by SchrodingersCat View Post
To me, this reinforces my belief that bisexuals are attracted to the cisgendered aspects of both men and women, rather than indifferent to gender.
Speaking only for myself here, I would agree with this. I find myself sexually attracted to "womanly women" (soft and curvy) and "manly men." (tough and strong). While I can appreciate the visual attractiveness of my handsome lesbian friend or our "pretty boy" ex-roommate, androgyny does not spark my sexual interest.

So if I have to pick a label "bi-sexual" seems to fit best...

***********
After I posted this I went back to the thread and saw that the conversation had moved on considerably - and in an interesting direction.

I'm always interested in reading about when people are "looking" for a type of relationship or are "planning" how a relationship is going to go - I never know what I want until it happens. People are so different, relationships are so different, poly is so different for different folks - I love reading this forum.

Last edited by JaneQSmythe; 02-05-2012 at 02:07 PM. Reason: Catching up to the thread...
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  #52  
Old 02-05-2012, 07:28 PM
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BrigidsDaughter BrigidsDaughter is offline
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I think I'm right there with you Jane. I'm bi-sexual. I find myself attracted to soft, curvy, and naturally pretty (I'm not big on fake beauty) women and masculine looking men (at least appearance wise). My husband and boyfriend are sensitive, creative, caring souls, but they are definitely masculine men. I also do not find androgyny attractive in the sexual sense.
As a child, my step-father's cousin confused me because she was just to the masculine side of androgyny. I actually didn't know she was female until I was about 12 and we went to Disney on vacation and met her and had the discussion in the car about how we were going to visit her and her girlfriend. I really didn't know what to make of her at the time.

I appreciate diversity and individuality in people. I have friends who are straight, gay, lesbian, and everything in between. Some of my oldest friends are drag queens and damn good ones. But while I admire them and enjoy watching them perform, I don't find they just don't register on my sexual radar.

Last edited by BrigidsDaughter; 02-05-2012 at 07:32 PM.
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  #53  
Old 02-05-2012, 11:47 PM
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Vixtoria Vixtoria is offline
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See, that's why I kind of prefer pan-sexual. I like curvy women, I like strong men, but I've also been attracted to transgendered men and women, adrogynous men and women. I've not really been as worried about gender,and not worried about sticking to the polar sides of gender when there's so much in between!
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  #54  
Old 02-06-2012, 01:21 AM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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I remembered something today that's relevant to this conversation.

I've always considered myself non-heterosexual, even when I had never dated any women (I'm a woman, just to clarify).

For years, I questioned whether I was really "bi" because I had never had the experience of seeing an attractive woman and thinking "I want to have sex with her." But then one day I realized, I had also never had that thought about a man. That was when it all "clicked" for me. I have never been sexually attracted to anyone whose personality I didn't know. Sure, I have found many people to be generally "attractive" but that's not the same as wanting them sexually. I wasn't sexually attracted to male strangers any more than I was attracted to female strangers, and neither any more than I was attracted to androgynous strangers.

This was a great moment for me. Finally I realized that I didn't have to fantasize about having sex with women in order to be non-heterosexual, since I didn't fantasize about men either. I just have a low sex drive and my focus is elsewhere. For me, sex is just another form of intimacy, something that is nice to share with a partner, but if something were to happen that made sex impossible, it wouldn't end (for me) the relationship.
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Last edited by SchrodingersCat; 02-06-2012 at 01:26 AM.
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  #55  
Old 02-06-2012, 01:40 AM
opalescent opalescent is offline
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I do love butch women and while I'm not so into effeminate men, I am increasingly intrigued with submissive or switchy men. It hasn't happened yet but I don't rule out trans or gender queer partners. So pan sexual is closest to my personal reality. But it doesn't tweak me if others label me bisexual or queer. Those are adequate enough to describe me too.
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  #56  
Old 02-06-2012, 07:36 AM
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SourGirl SourGirl is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Vixtoria View Post
SourGirl:

Reading your posts I could tell something was bothering you and that worried me. To tell the truth, when my husband and I began our move into poly we started reading, listening to certain podcasts, and discussing. I don't quantify how much I love someone, mostly because I have such a hard time putting things in words anyway! However, we have NEVER made it a secret that my husband is my primary and I am not looking for a relationship on that same level. Sure I am open to someone being around that long but as we've been together 20 years I don't see it happening without many years down the road!
Thank you for the spirit of your post Vixtoria. Truth be told, If I am on here, and being blunt/cheeky, or spreading my love of dry-humour around, I am in a good place. I only post when I feel I have something worthwhile to offer. The bitterness I felt, was last year.
I am glad I brought it up, as now anyone reading this can see, that there are others who feel the same. I never brought up this aspect before, as I didn`t think it would be an interesting topic here. Lesson learned !

I am glad to hear of others who have similar feelings. For some, it is just a simple fact that as the love grows, and deepens over the years, many of us would be hard-pressed to compare it to something shiny and new. It`s not necessarily a better way, just a different way.

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Originally Posted by Vixtoria View Post
Personally, I end up steering clear of 'those polys' and their articles. Which is a shame since I'm sure some may be very helpful but considering the attitudes given I'm not interested in finding out.
Agreed. Good luck telling those types that there are other ways, too. No matter what you say,..you're WRONG !

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Originally Posted by Vixtoria View Post
TL;DR = You are not alone in your feelings and I still consider myself poly. As long as everyone I'm involved with agrees I say screw the rest and their definitions.
Fuck`em if they can`t take a joke,
...and joke 'em if they can`t take a fuck,...

That is an interesting point. Basically : ' It`s poly if everyone in the relationship, agrees it`s poly.' Hmmm. Really, that should be what it boils down to.
I wonder if I could even embrace the label again. I feel so far removed from it at this point.
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  #57  
Old 02-06-2012, 12:12 PM
feelyunicorn feelyunicorn is offline
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At first blush, I thought bi-monogamy is just monogamy, but with either sex.

In other words, if I meet a man, I will just be with that man (no other men or women). If I meet a woman, I`ll just be with that woman (no other women or men).

I thought it was a reaction to the idea that all bisexual people are non-monogamous. Which, does not appear to be the case.

I happen to be bi-curious and poly, but I`ve seen accounts of bisexuals who are pretty adamant about being with one person and one person only, and ignore the other sex while being with that person.
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  #58  
Old 02-06-2012, 03:37 PM
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rory rory is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by feelyunicorn View Post
I thought it was a reaction to the idea that all bisexual people are non-monogamous. Which, does not appear to be the case.

I happen to be bi-curious and poly, but I`ve seen accounts of bisexuals who are pretty adamant about being with one person and one person only, and ignore the other sex while being with that person.
Actually, from this comes a really important point. There is a stereotype that a bisexual needs to have one of each. Isn't this sort of supported by the term if a person who does want a man and a woman is called bi-monogamous..?
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  #59  
Old 02-07-2012, 03:13 AM
Tonberry Tonberry is offline
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I do think "bi-monogamous" is a stupid term. "bi-mono", really? "I only want one person, but twice!"
I'd be fine with a word like "binogamous" or something, which is completely made up but isn't contradictory. Although I don't see why "bigamous" wouldn't work, or "biamorous".
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  #60  
Old 02-07-2012, 06:34 AM
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MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
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Originally Posted by Vixtoria View Post
As long as everyone I'm involved with agrees I say screw the rest and their definitions.
That's the spirit! I say fuck anyone who has a superiority complex and considers themselves to be a "poly authority". People with experience should provide guidance, not control or structure...screw away!
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