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Old 02-06-2012, 04:12 AM
Devilman Devilman is offline
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Default Greetings from Devilman

I am new here, but I am pondering starting a poly relationship. My wife and I have had several long and thoughtful conversations about polyamory, and we have come to the agreement that we can handle me being poly. She can't see herself being with another man but she can see me with another woman. We've even discussed possible procreation with my partner (the only girl she will allow to have my spawn being her cousin). Which isn't a problem as I am really attracted to her cousin.

But there lies the problem. The only woman I can picture myself being poly with is her cousin. I've had feelings for her for a while. I am just kind of lost in the ether as poly is still an infant concept to many people. She know the wife and I have been talking about it, and in casual conversation the cousin has mentioned she could do a poly relationship(even with us if the wife wasn't her cousin).

I am just looking for some helpful direction
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  #2  
Old 02-06-2012, 05:55 AM
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NovemberRain NovemberRain is offline
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Welcome to the forum

Quote:
Originally Posted by Devilman View Post
We've even discussed possible procreation with my partner (the only girl she will allow to have my spawn being her cousin). Which isn't a problem as I am really attracted to her cousin.

But there lies the problem. The only woman I can picture myself being poly with is her cousin. I've had feelings for her for a while. I am just kind of lost in the ether as poly is still an infant concept to many people. She know the wife and I have been talking about it, and in casual conversation the cousin has mentioned she could do a poly relationship(even with us if the wife wasn't her cousin).

I am just looking for some helpful direction
I don't understand the problem, could you be more specific? I can imagine you being the hinge of a V, you are with each of them. Are you imagining that you must have 4, 10, 20 other partners? Because there's no one way to do poly. There's an ocean of resources here at this forum, and links galore to many more places on the web.
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Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own...
Robert A. Heinlein

Me: female, bi, (formerly hinge of a vee)
with FirstBoyFriend (FBF)(moderately long-distance)
and no longer with CurrentBoyFriend (CBF)(who lives in the apartment building next door)
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  #3  
Old 02-06-2012, 03:14 PM
km34 km34 is offline
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So, if your wife and her cousin are like me, the problem is that each wouldn't be comfortable with you having a relationship with her cousin. To me, there is just some level of trust that I wouldn't have if my husband had too close of a relationship with any of my family members... I wouldn't be able to openly complain about the people that other family member is immediately related to anymore, random stories/complaints/secrets about any family members could easily slip out during conversation, etc.

Also, knowing that any of my significant others having sex with ANY family member (sister, cousin, aunt, third cousin, and so on) would make me never have sex with them again. My one weird, possibly extreme limit sexually is that having sexual contact with someone who has had sexual contact with a family member feels like incest to me. lol

I think the goal should be to get the cousin out of your head. It isn't going to happen. EVERYONE has to be comfortable. If you wife isn't terribly opposed to you being with the cousin, then maybe after a while you can try, but most women would find that weird. So, just knowing you have poly tendencies would be the first step. As long as you're happy with where your life is, someone else you're interested in will probably come along when you're least expecting it. If you want to be (and your wife is okay with you being) more proactive, you can join dating sites, try to find local poly groups, and just put yourself out there in general.
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