Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Poly Relationships Corner

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #21  
Old 02-06-2012, 01:06 AM
SchrodingersCat's Avatar
SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Saskatchewan
Posts: 2,130
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
I just have two questions re terminology used in this thread: what do "dtf" and "10&4's" mean?
Works out of town on 14 day cycles, 10 days on, 4 days off.
__________________
Gralson: my husband (works out of town).
Auto: my girlfriend (lives with her husband Zoffee).

The most dangerous phrase in the English language is "we've always done it this way."
Reply With Quote
  #22  
Old 02-06-2012, 03:39 AM
GraceSmith GraceSmith is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: small rural town
Posts: 14
Default I've thought of this but never asked

When I read the title of this post, I thought it was rather interesting. My husband seldom wears his and I usually do. I feel like I should wear it because it would feel like lying not to have it on. This is just my preference, but I also feel that its very inhibiting to meeting any one new. I know that being honest and up front is important. I suppose I will continue to wear it and I guess be pleasantly surprised if I do meet anyone. Maybe we need to go to some poly gatherings. I think it would help if I ventured outside of my little world.
Reply With Quote
  #23  
Old 02-06-2012, 03:53 AM
AutumnalTone AutumnalTone is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Kansas City Metro
Posts: 2,186
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Naomi View Post
I know men like to chase,
Seriously, you may want to check the sexism at the door. I don't care to chase and never have. So much for the notion that liking to chase is part of being a man.
__________________
When speaking of various forms of non-monogamy...it ain't poly if you're just fucking around.

While polyamory, open relationships, and swinging are all distinctly different approaches to non-monogamy, they are not mutually exlusive. Folks can, and some do, engage in more than one of them at a time--and it's all good.
Reply With Quote
  #24  
Old 02-06-2012, 06:30 AM
NovemberRain's Avatar
NovemberRain NovemberRain is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 696
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by SchrodingersCat View Post
Works out of town on 14 day cycles, 10 days on, 4 days off.
Well, there ya go. I'm wrong again.
(anyone see that tylenol commercial where the girl says 'I like a man who can admit when he's wrong.' and he says, 'oh...I'm wrong a lot.'?)


Learn something new every day. In this forum, sometimes many somethings.
__________________
Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own...
Robert A. Heinlein

Me: female, bi, (formerly hinge of a vee)
with FirstBoyFriend (FBF)(moderately long-distance)
and no longer with CurrentBoyFriend (CBF)(who lives in the apartment building next door)
Reply With Quote
  #25  
Old 02-08-2012, 01:50 PM
Pretzels Pretzels is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 104
Default

Not married, not looking like I ever will be, but I did notice an interesting phenomenon with the married, poly fellow I was involved with about four years ago.

When we started, wedding ring was on. I remember being in bed with him and thinking, "Yep, that's a first....(head explodes)"

Then, as things progressed, ring came off. Stayed off even though he told me his wife would yell at him to put it on before he went out places with me.

That's also how I knew things were more or less ending. Ring back on.

As for me, the dent is long-gone from where that engagement ring once sat. I miss something sparkly there, don't miss that relationship. I've got my grandmother's wedding right on my right hand given to me by my grandfather after she died. If it's the last ring of such sort I'll ever have, I'm OK with that.
Reply With Quote
  #26  
Old 02-08-2012, 02:03 PM
nycindie's Avatar
nycindie nycindie is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 7,161
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pretzels View Post
When we started, wedding ring was on. I remember being in bed with him and thinking, "Yep, that's a first....(head explodes)"
When I was briefly dating a married poly guy last summer, I remember a moment in bed with him when I looked down at his hand on my breast and got incredibly turned on by the fact that he was wearing a wedding ring. Normally, wedding rings aren't even something I register - I have to remind myself to look for one when I meet someone new - so I was really surprised by my reaction.
__________________
The world opens up... when you do.

Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me. ~Bryan Ferry
"Love is that condition in which another person's happiness is essential to your own." ~Robert Heinlein
Reply With Quote
  #27  
Old 02-08-2012, 08:56 PM
opalescent opalescent is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: US
Posts: 1,277
Default

SW noticed my wedding ring while we were in bed; I don't know if his head exploded :-). It was kinda hot to wear it while having sex with someone not my spouse - tinge of the forbidden I guess! I always wore my ring but given that I was socializing with mostly poly/alt types it was not a big deal.
Reply With Quote
  #28  
Old 02-09-2012, 12:24 AM
Pretzels Pretzels is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 104
Default

All I can remember thinking at the moment was, "Huh, I didn't put that there" (as in the ring on the finger).

I don't think we ever even talked about it being there or not being there when it went away.
Reply With Quote
  #29  
Old 02-13-2012, 02:04 AM
SchrodingersCat's Avatar
SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Saskatchewan
Posts: 2,130
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by AutumnalTone View Post
Seriously, you may want to check the sexism at the door. I don't care to chase and never have. So much for the notion that liking to chase is part of being a man.
I think there's a difference between "sexism" and observing different tendencies between the sexes.

I think of sexism as things like: Men can't raise kids; Women can't work in business; Men can't cook; Women can't build houses.

But there are many "generalizations" about men and women that are true more often than not. Of the emotionally high-maintenance people I've met, more tend to be women. Of the people I've met who enjoy ongoing casual sex without developing emotional attachments, more tend to be men.

Men and women do, without question, have different DNA. That DNA causes huge hormonal changes during puberty, unless you take medications to suppress them. Testosterone and estrogen make people behave differently. So it's not "sexist" to point out that men generally behave differently than women.

Now that being said, I wouldn't agree that "wanting to chase" is an innate "male trait." I think it's another one of those societal pressures. Men fear rejection just as much as women, and "chasing" essentially means repeated rejection from the same person until you wear them down. I can't imagine why anyone would like that! Men who chase do so because women force them to.

Or to put it another way... wanting to chase women is about as innate as wanting to be captured, thrown over some strong man's shoulder, and dragged into his cave. Now, from what I understand, the modern feminist movement generally opposes this type of behaviour...
__________________
Gralson: my husband (works out of town).
Auto: my girlfriend (lives with her husband Zoffee).

The most dangerous phrase in the English language is "we've always done it this way."

Last edited by SchrodingersCat; 02-13-2012 at 02:10 AM.
Reply With Quote
  #30  
Old 04-03-2012, 05:23 AM
petersemoll petersemoll is offline
New Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 1
Default

Its up to you. What you have choosen must be good one.

Last edited by petersemoll; 04-03-2012 at 05:53 AM.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
dating, marriage, ring, rings

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 08:47 PM.