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  #11  
Old 02-03-2012, 03:51 AM
Pretzels Pretzels is offline
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OK, I gave this a little more thought since, last night, when I first replied, I was in the middle of some mild drama in my own situation.

What you have going here is someone who mentally and perhaps physically cashed out of her primary relationship - she was concentrating on finding someone else when you came along, is that right? Anyhow, she was just fine with her until someone else started paying more attention to her husband than she does.

In a perfect world you could do a flip. God knows I suggested it a dozen times. Let her be the secondary so she can pursue other relationships and so that you can form what you hope to be a more stable, healthier arrangement between you and her husband.

She's not going to go for it because she feels very, very threatened by you. Likely, instead, she'll start reminding him of all the reasons why they got together in the first place. If you're really lucky, she'll do this by text message when she knows he's in bed with you.

I don't get the sleeping together thing mostly because you're not dating her. I had the wifey suggest, via her husband, that she watch us one night while we were in bed. Oh no, no, no.

Let us know how things are going and I'd heavily second you finding a place of your own. This seems set to blow in a very ugly way.
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  #12  
Old 02-03-2012, 06:15 AM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
I would guess it is doing worse now that you live there. She is obviously not happy, feels threatened by you and is jealous... this is why the control freak stuff. You aren't going to change this I don't think. She has to and that is unlikely going to happen with you living there. Again... move out.
Chicken or the egg?

Is the wife being a control freak because she's feeling jealous or insecure? Or is she a control freak by nature, and therefor she isn't making the slightest effort to manage her jealousy?

I think there's a need for professional therapy here. If she's literally not allowing him to have his own basic human rights, such as the right to his own "me time" (aka "liberty") then that's a dysfunctional relationship. Likely, there's nothing you could say or do that will make him realize that he has other options, because anything you say or do will likely be interpreted as you trying to come between them and break up their relationship.

No one but you can tell you the source of your emotions. It doesn't sound greedy to me, but people have been known to spin things to their advantage, so who knows?

The part I would take issue with, as the husband, is that she's looking for long-term boyfriends while at the same time interfering with her husband's existing relationship. She needs to learn that getting her own boyfriend is NOT a solution to the icky feelings she has about her husband having another romantic partner.
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  #13  
Old 02-03-2012, 11:58 PM
Pretzels Pretzels is offline
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Originally Posted by SchrodingersCat View Post
Likely, there's nothing you could say or do that will make him realize that he has other options, because anything you say or do will likely be interpreted as you trying to come between them and break up their relationship.
Ding, ding, ding, ding.

Unless she changes course or he gets a spine transplant, I can't see this going anywhere good.
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  #14  
Old 02-04-2012, 05:25 AM
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idealist idealist is offline
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Hello and Welcome!!
I had a few questionss....just curious.
1- how long were you married?
2- how much time passed between the time you moved out of the home you were in with your husband and the time you moved in with them?

If 2 is less than 25% of 1, then I suggest you move out now....for yourself because you need more time on your own and for them to be able to figure out what is going on with them.

If 2 is more than 25% of 1, then I would suggest you move out now....for them to be able to figure out what is going on with them.

Either way, if this relationship is going to have a chance, it's probably best to go ahead and move out.
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