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Old 02-02-2012, 10:45 PM
learner learner is offline
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 41
Default Joy and frustration

Well, nearly three years after opening our marriage I've finally entered a relationship - you could say we've taken it slow, which can only be a good thing. It's given us time to talk through all the possibilities, become really comfortable with the concept, and strengthen our relationship. My boyfriend started off in a BDSM context after I finally figured out that part of the reason I wanted another relationship was to explore my submissive side and we entered the kink scene, but we made a great connection and he has been absolutely perfect, both as a partner, and as a metamour to my husband - he treats our marriage with the greatest respect and courtesy.

My husband has been amazing - he's not actively looking for another relationship, although he would be open to the possibility. My love and respect for him has grown, and it was pretty strong to begin with - I consider myself to be a very lucky girl. Things seem almost too good to be true - I am being careful not to get swept up in NRE, and keeping the channels of communication open with both my husband and my boyfriend.

So the only small fly in the ointment - my issues with my metamour. We both met our boyfriend at about the same time and I guess subconsciously there was some element of competition there from the start. Recently I have taken the decision to step back a bit to try and stop my boyfriend wearing himself out trying to treat us equally, since she needs a lot of his time and attention. That also isn't really the problem. My problem is the way I feel when we are all out together, or I hear about something she's said which falls into the category of attention seeking behaviour. It's not jealousy as such - I feel quite comfortable seeing them kissing etc., it's a form of resentment - I grew up surrounded with people who were massive attention seekers and it's something that really gets to me. I need to get over it, I just don't know how.

Thinking about it as I'm writing this, it's not just in the context of this relationship I have a problem with attention seeking behaviour, it's something that irks me in general. In one sense, taking the poly context out of this, my question is how do people deal with attention seeking behaviour without getting annoyed? I spend time with her alone and she's fine - it's only when our boyfriend is there really that the behaviour is displayed - I think it may be a question of making her feel more secure - is there a way I can do this, or is it up to him?

Thanks for reading - it's been a great help just writing this down
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