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  #61  
Old 01-21-2012, 06:25 PM
riftara riftara is offline
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Default And the world crashes down

F broke up with me.

Maybe the more I say it the less it will hurt.

He told me he couldnt feel indifferent to our relationship anymore, that he still loves me and cares for me and will tell me no when I need to hear it.

Then he held me, told me is was sorry for hurting me, and let me fall asleep in his arms.

I've cried so much I should be out of tears but typing this brings them back again.

I dont know how to handle this. He wants to be friends and he says hes not going to move out. Not that I thought he would move out.
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  #62  
Old 01-26-2012, 06:53 AM
riftara riftara is offline
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Default Cant we just start over or go from here

F and I hung out all day Monday and we both had a good time. We also spent time together last night and had a good time, and somehow T being over here tonight isn't bothering me as much as I thought it would.

I want so bad to just look at him and say "can we have this exact relationship, with sex, kissing, and sleeping together" I wish it were that easy.

If our friendship came back that quickly, I think that we owe it to ourselves to try again, but that is just my way of looking at things and I'm afraid to tell him how I feel, afraid he will consider it being pushy, which is his major complaint about me. Its hard but I know I have to wait, I have to give him time.

Although I am being very affectionate toward him, and I will until he tells me to stop but he is allowing and reciprocating my hugs and cheek kisses and such. He doesn't initiate them, but he does reciprocate.

I'm also being girlfriend-ish and making sure he gets up for work and still making him dinner and doing his laundry and such. I want a relationship with him to be natural and flow from what we have right now, a good friendship.

I did the same sort of stuff with R when he lived with me, and I have taken the attitude at this moment that if I can do it with R, I can do it with F until he says otherwise.

I'm also respecting his request that I not sleep with a particular guy, at least for now.(Not that it matters, John wont let me either, but I'm not hanging out with him because of F) I think that doing so would ruin any chance I have at us getting back together and until that door is closed, I'm going to respect his wishes. Not like that guy is going anywhere, its been over a year since we really talked and he is still wanting to be with me.

Its weird to hurt and have fun at the same time. I don't really know what to think about that.
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  #63  
Old 01-27-2012, 08:36 PM
riftara riftara is offline
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Default

So its over.

I have nothing to say, nothing

I'm handing it. I'll be ok
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  #64  
Old 01-27-2012, 08:40 PM
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Phy Phy is offline
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Default

So sorry for you this really sucks. I hope you are able to manage the next days, sending you a ((( big girl bear hug )))
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  #65  
Old 02-01-2012, 11:24 PM
riftara riftara is offline
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Default Move up and move on

So I decided on a few things.

I'm moving on, I still love F very much but I know that there will not be anything there anymore. I'm ok with it. Maybe no one expected me to be, but I am. I've noticed things, looking from the outside in, and it makes me kinda sad, but it also makes me realize the truth about things too.

I learned so people involved read my blog... so HI! I'm no more raw here than I am in real life, so honestly, this should be nothing new.

R and I started talking about having a relationship again, I think that is going nowhere. As much as i'd like it to. He has a lot on his plate right now though, so I think we will likely just stay friends, maybe FWB for a little while, until it becomes to much for one of us. I love him so much, and its amazing how much that love grows and develops over time. The thing is I know he feels the same way, we talked about it last night. We don't really do heart to heart conversations, so when we have one its something to be noted.

Since I feel that nothing will happen with R, it's time to move on and look elsewhere. I'm doing a good job at that so far, talking to a few new people. No one worth mentioning by name yet. Of course, if R decides that he does want to try yet again, then moving to someone new will take a back burner to that.
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  #66  
Old 02-02-2012, 08:38 PM
riftara riftara is offline
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Default Maybe

I've been talking to a guy the last few days and we have a lot in common.
Now if R would just be strait with me about us having a relationship, I could decide where to take this new guy.

New guy is coming over tonight, we might go out, we might stay in.
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  #67  
Old 02-02-2012, 10:51 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by riftara View Post
I've been talking to a guy the last few days and we have a lot in common.
Now if R would just be strait with me about us having a relationship, I could decide where to take this new guy.

New guy is coming over tonight, we might go out, we might stay in.
Make your own decision. No need to let someone else dictate how you live your life.
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"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
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An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/
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  #68  
Old 02-13-2012, 07:07 PM
riftara riftara is offline
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Been seeing a few guys, no one that jumps out at me, every one has the positives and negatives everyone does.

I'm keeping my options open.

R and I talked again last night, as much as I know I will leave that door open, I can't and won't let it dictate me making a decision about any of the guys I have been talking to.

The crazy thing is two of the guys I'm talking to are already buying / talking about buying me stuff. Now, not saying I dont have a price, everyone can be bought, but it kinda creeps me out and I'm not sure if I want to keep talking to them because of it. Do I look like I can be bought? Do they think if they throw enough money at me I'll leave John? Or are they just desperate to love, and think love can be bought.
Now I like being spoiled as much as the next girl but that should come after the relationship is at least partially established. I spent money on F, he spent money on me, but it was after the relationship was established, in the beginning we split just about everything.

Ive been talking to a couple looking for a unicorn. I'm interested. Very interested. I have seen, or dreamed, what it can be like. I would love to have that in my life.
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  #69  
Old 05-24-2012, 01:47 PM
riftara riftara is offline
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Default Catching up

its been awhile since i've updated, I know. I'm sorry.

I dated a few guys. One really good that ended up not being emotionally ready for a relationship.

John had a girlfriend, but they split up. I actually had her living with me for a short time.

I still dream about F. Him and T broke up recently, maybe that is why.

I'm in TX right now, and both my kids are in GA. My daughter's father wont let me bring her out here longer than a week, and we just can't afford to do that right now. My son is coming home in July, I let him spend the summer with his grandparents.

I have seen a few guys Im interested in, but I have to stay away from them - they are all military, and that is against our rules.

I have been talking to this girl though and that seems promising, If we can ever get together and actually meet.
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  #70  
Old 07-20-2012, 05:13 PM
riftara riftara is offline
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Default Moving on

So I moved out to Texas to be with John.

I've started dating again, a guy we will dub D. He is really amazing and fun to be around.
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