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  #11  
Old 11-18-2009, 12:59 AM
lost lost is offline
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Thank you everyone for your insights. It feels good to have gotten some of this off my chest and I'm glad I posted here.

redpepper, your perspective seems so applicable to where we are right now. You're very right, and I plan to read through as many of the forums as I can.

Celoi, Thank you for the article! These are my new marching orders. It's so true that I have spent a lifetime building up fears and it makes no sense to continue on that path. I know it will be hard, but it's time for me to start confronting and disassembling the fears that have been driving my life. Having committed to this new path, I already feel like a new person!

SeventhCrow, Ten Days to Self Esteem sounds like a great investment. I'll be checking it out ASAP.
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  #12  
Old 11-18-2009, 02:28 AM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Originally Posted by lost View Post
It's so true that I have spent a lifetime building up fears and it makes no sense to continue on that path. I know it will be hard, but it's time for me to start confronting and disassembling the fears that have been driving my life. Having committed to this new path, I already feel like a new person!
Isn't it amazing to realize something about yourself and then have the excitement about having a goal to change it! I was like that about my fear of being alone. It's almost like starting a new class at school that you are really interested in. Remember to love the process as much as getting there though.

Here is a book list that I think I gave to Maca at one time. At least two of the books anyway. Thanks Seventhcrow for the one you suggested. My husband wants to know the author as he wants to buy it... right up his ally.
  • "living happily ever after" Marsha Sinetar
  • "feel the fear and do it anyway" Susan Jeffers (the title of this book has become a family saying now)
  • "the 7 habits of highly effective people" Stephen R. Covey

Hope this helps. you sound so much like my husband and where he was at. I have a soft spot for you because of that. I wish you the best of luck, as does he.
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  #13  
Old 01-10-2010, 10:22 PM
lost lost is offline
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Life is better. Marriage counseling was great for getting communication started. I continue to work on me issues with the counselor. Additional, life has taken an unexpected turn. Although my wife still feels poly, she has not been actively seeking a partner as our relationship is more satisfying than it used to be for her. I think this could be a red flag of sorts, and will just keep communication going.

So, the unexpected twist? Another girl and I have been talking about `so, what's this open relationship business'. Turns out she was crushed when I got married, and we're both excited to hang out and see what develops between us. Additionally, I'm excited to introduce her to my wife and see how the three of us get along.

This is not how I saw life progressing. I figured I'd have a lot of personal development going on, addressing co-dependent, self image, and anxiety issues while my wife explored dating, etc. This new direction is exciting. However, it's also scary. Note the red flag above. Was my wife acting out her dissatisfaction with our relationship and started our journey in this direction for the wrong reasons? There's a lot more discussions to have before getting too much deeper. This may sound bad, but it's nice feeling like I'm in control of the pace. Things were developing way to fast for me before.
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