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  #381  
Old 02-01-2012, 07:27 PM
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Would you believe one of his "threats" to me is that he printed this whole blog and gave it to his attorney?!?!


I'm honestly upset for you because I'm sure you never pictured it coming to this. I really can't contain my disgust.
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  #382  
Old 02-02-2012, 12:09 AM
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True. I never thought this would actually happen. But I was awfully delusional I guess! About a lot of things. Some things others here could see so clearly. But my view was so subjective. I was operating on pure emotions. I still can get sweet-talked. Why do I let myself be so vulnerable?? When clearly he cannot be trusted?? Why ask why. Nothing changes if nothing changes, right?

I read other posts here and I wonder -- will poly work for them?? I learned so much from this adventure. I'm proud of myself for at least considering something so unconventional. Many people I tell now are simply amazed that I even considered it. The most open-minded ones say, "Oh, open marriages? Those never work." I just say "Yeah." But what I want to say is, "Closed marriages don't have much of a track record, either!" I am also tempted to add, "nor do closed minds." But I'm not really up to the argument. I just didn't do so well at marriage, either way!

I feel great compassion for married people who feel love for a third person. I sure didn't know what to do. I don't have any regrets. I just want to learn what I can from it, and maybe have more understanding for others' situations. Who am I to judge?

I love you people. Thanks for your open minds and hearts.
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  #383  
Old 02-02-2012, 03:24 AM
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Love you too Carm!

*hugs*
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  #384  
Old 02-02-2012, 07:54 AM
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I read other posts here and I wonder -- will poly work for them?? I learned so much from this adventure.
Others aren't to judge what 'works' for you. It is a strange question, in my opinion, this evaluation 'Did it work?' after things don't work any more. At the point you ask yourself this question, it obviously doesn't work any longer. But that doesn't mean, that the thing you are talking about (whatever it may be) didn't have it's raison d'Ítre during those moments it was still into place and in your life. All we can do is evaluate each time anew, if you want this or that in your life, live with your decision and learn from the experience it grants you. And as you said, you learned a lot during your adventure, that is the most you can expect. What you can't expect: to know where your journey is headed. Life is life if you just keep on living and learning. Don't let it get you down that you have reached another point in your life, where you jut noticed that a thing stopped working for you that has been in your life for some time. You did well and learned something from it.

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I love you people. Thanks for your open minds and hearts.
My heart goes out to you as well, stray strong and keep on with your journey. And some (((virtual hugs))) as well.
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  #385  
Old 02-08-2012, 04:25 PM
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I had a sort of revelation this past weekend. To view Sundance as a brother, instead of a husband or lover. So far, it seems to be working. It frees me to love him again, to not be so jealous, or resentful, or enraged.

I wouldn't go so far as to be happy for him, that he's found someone else to love.... My ego just can't go there yet! There are glimmers of that, though.

What I am happy about, is that I am learning to love MYSELF. It is the start of a wonderful love affair! I have had these interludes before, but I am glad to be focusing on me once again. Freed from the role of wife and lover, from being who he needs me to be or who I want him to be (to fulfill things in me that I can and should be filling, myself), I am open to a lot of new growth and self-discovery.

I am grateful for what I learned from my relationship with Butch, too. So much of what I admired in him, I can now develop in me.

We are working on a dissolution of the marriage, so there is going to be some ugliness, as we divide money and property, reassemble and redefine our family, and experience loss and disappointment. But -- I am glad for an up day, today.
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  #386  
Old 02-15-2012, 08:06 PM
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So I wasn't anticipating all this PAIN. Excruciating heartbreak. Yesterday was the worst Valentines Day I've ever had. The brother-sister thing slipped and I just found myself wanting to feel loved. Sundance brought me roses and I can't stop wishing things could be different. He tells me he loves me and she is just a fling, even still, even though we are getting a divorce, yet he keeps saying one thing, doing another. I am an emotional basket case. I am hurt and scared and I don't know what is true anymore, or what ever was true. Sorry to whine.
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  #387  
Old 02-15-2012, 08:11 PM
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Is there any way you can just not engage him in conversation at all? I assume you've asked him to stop saying things like that because it is hurting you. I am not sure why you are still having conversations about whether Barbie is a fling or not. The truth is it doesn't MATTER what it is. If he isn't going to get that he's hurting you by continuing to go on about it (or if he is purposefully doing it to torture you) I do wonder why you even let yourself be in the same room with him without the protective presence of your kids or a neutral 3rd party.

I think you're forgetting to give yourself self love. You have the right to protect your heart and put yourself first. Don't worry about being "happy for him" That stage comes months or years after your heart is broken. You need to stop listening to him for your own mental health.
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  #388  
Old 02-15-2012, 08:30 PM
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The sooner you can get away, the better. It's going to be ok, this situation won't last forever. Sorry, I know that can't be comfort help right now. *hug*
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  #389  
Old 04-11-2012, 07:40 PM
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I moved out last Saturday. I don't miss all the wondering, is he talking to her, texting her, seeing her..... He lied to me so many times, it was the LIES that were making me just as crazy, as the relationship with her. It would be the same if he were drinking and hiding the bottles, or sneaking pills. In fact, I think it's very similar, really -- he is addicted to her.

He kept telling me he wasn't seeing her anymore, she broke up with him, he was over her, she is wrong for him, not stable, not even pretty, what was he ever thinking?.... telling me he didn't want a divorce, he wants me, our family.... It was making things so difficult, I wondered, why am I doing this??? Why am I leaving, can't we make this work, if we aren't seeing other people anymore?

4 days before I moved, he came up to me and hugged me and kissed me so deeply, I was shocked to my toes. He seemed so sincere, he seemed to want me so much, I didn't know quite what to do, but I felt so odd, going through with this big move, when we still love each other. I cried, a lot. Then later on that night he left his phone sitting out, without the lock mode on, and I saw a text to her: "Thanks for the ride this morning, cowgirl." He had been with her, that very morning. I looked through his texts and pictures -- he has been with her all along, telling her he loves her, having sex with her, sharing pictures of each other's kids, sending each other naked pictures (and taking pictures of themselves having sex together).

I guess he was just going to be a cheater, after all.

I'm so glad I checked his phone, so glad I wised up, so glad I am out of there! I will not tolerate a duplicitous man who is incapable of being honest with me.

Anyway --- my new house is adorable! I love it. I will create a new life that is authentic and reflects who I really am.

I have talked to Butch a little. He is so cool to know that I just need to be ME for awhile. He is so respectful. Independent, and values me cultivating that in myself, too. We may date someday -- he says "when the ink is dry." I admire him so much. I am going to aim to be a bit more like him, as I grow and come into my own.

Now I need to find a good job, to support this new life of mine!!!

Thanks to my poly friends out there who were always real with me when I needed it the most. I am proud to know you.
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  #390  
Old 04-11-2012, 09:05 PM
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Oh dear, so sorry to hear about that. But I have to say, 'so sorry' ... kind of. Because you can finally see. Your eyes are open and you seem to stand strong right now. Keep on in life and with becoming happy now. I hope your wounds will heal and the hurt will go away. Feel hugged by some big arms wrapped around your (probably) tiny body I hope you will be well on your own.
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