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  #11  
Old 11-17-2009, 03:06 PM
AutumnalTone AutumnalTone is offline
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Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG View Post
Seeing sexual fidelity as a sign of insecurity enables the principles of polyamory. Seeing sexual fidelity as a sign of commitment enables the principles of monogamy.
Huh???

You lost me with these two statements. Since when did viewing sexual fidelity as a sign of insecurity become necessary for poly? I don't view a desire for sexual fidelity as necessarily a sign of insecurity. For some folks it is, for others it isn't.

And then, somehow all polyfi folks are now mono? Aren't they supposed to be too insecure to be poly for desiring the fidelity?

Color me confused.
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  #12  
Old 11-17-2009, 03:50 PM
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MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
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Originally Posted by SeventhCrow View Post
Huh???

You lost me with these two statements. Since when did viewing sexual fidelity as a sign of insecurity become necessary for poly? I don't view a desire for sexual fidelity as necessarily a sign of insecurity. For some folks it is, for others it isn't.

And then, somehow all polyfi folks are now mono? Aren't they supposed to be too insecure to be poly for desiring the fidelity?

Color me confused.
Confusion is perfectly fine my friend. There is no need to understand each all other the time lol!

As usual I should have included the "IMO" before expressing my opinions or views.

Insecurities towarsds sex with other partners is a common theme in looking at opening up. It is regularly brought up in discussions as well as during the poly meetings I attend. I find myself defending what is preceived and vocalized as "my insecurities". This is a common theme in most writings around opening up relationships.

I don't know where you got the idea I was saying all poly folk were mono because I certainly know that is not the case LOL!

Sorry for confusing you. This has been a way of organizing my own thoughts and working through my amiguity towards what has been nagging at me.
Each of us has our own way of viewing things. There is only sharing in this post, not an attempt to convince, convert or otherwise influence others.

Take care
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  #13  
Old 11-17-2009, 03:56 PM
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These are just my own thoughts and feelings on the idea of fidelity.
I think this is great Ceoli! What more can someone ask out of sharing other than to organize thier own thoughts and perhaps promote thought by those around them. Perhaps a thread on fidelity in the future?!!

Thanks for sharing
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  #14  
Old 11-17-2009, 04:04 PM
Ceoli Ceoli is offline
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Seeing sexual fidelity as a sign of insecurity enables the principles of polyamory. Seeing sexual fidelity as a sign of commitment enables the principles of monogamy.

As is my way, I always like to unpack and get to the bottom of things. Can you explain *what* principles of polyamory and *what* principles of monogamy you're seeing in this dichotomy?
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  #15  
Old 11-17-2009, 04:14 PM
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I feel a little jealous-I mean full of compersion!
HAHA! Just think...understanding compersion almost gives us another emotion that a lot of people never even recognize. We ge to be aware of it and enjoy it
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  #16  
Old 11-17-2009, 04:25 PM
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As is my way, I always like to unpack and get to the bottom of things. Can you explain *what* principles of polyamory and *what* principles of monogamy you're seeing in this dichotomy?
I honestly don't think I can explain them to any degree of satisfaction. But that is not my intent in this. All I can say is that the differing ideas of what insecurity and comittment are seem to be key components of how we look at the different aproaches to loving. Some are these are based on social or peer conditioning while others are purely a product of wiring.

Unpacking stuff is great although I don't travel down paths once I find peace in my own understanding. It's not about tying to avoid pushing thoughts and ideas. It's about eventually accepting the answers for yourself and then moving on to something else...otherwise I'd never get anything done!!
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  #17  
Old 11-17-2009, 04:31 PM
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Originally Posted by Ceoli View Post
As is my way, I always like to unpack and get to the bottom of things. Can you explain *what* principles of polyamory and *what* principles of monogamy you're seeing in this dichotomy?
This made me think of something else I believe. To constantly "question" is a good thing that leads to progress. To constantly question the same thing doesn't.

I'm not saying that this is what you do but wanted to thank you for helping me with my own thoughts in this, Ceoli
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  #18  
Old 11-17-2009, 04:47 PM
Ceoli Ceoli is offline
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Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG View Post
I honestly don't think I can explain them to any degree of satisfaction. But that is not my intent in this. All I can say is that the differing ideas of what insecurity and comittment are seem to be key components of how we look at the different aproaches to loving. Some are these are based on social or peer conditioning while others are purely a product of wiring.
I'm not sure how you can say that they are key components to how you're viewing things yet be unable to define exactly what they are. It would seem to me that this is a pretty important cognitive dissonance that could create much misunderstanding.

For me, when I see people saying that poly people have differing ideas around commitment, that usually means that those people are misunderstanding what it means to be poly. These people are tending to blend the idea of commitment with the idea of exclusivity when they are two very different things. The same goes for insecurity. Insecurity is insecurity, regardless of whether it's in a poly or mono context. The mechanisms that drive insecurity are the same, regardless of the label put on them.

I find that when there's lack of clarity around these ideas, misunderstandings and assumptions start to take over in ways that continue to create inaccurate perceptions and prejudices around poly identified people.

I'm taking this piece of the discussion to another thread.

Last edited by Ceoli; 11-17-2009 at 04:50 PM.
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  #19  
Old 11-17-2009, 04:53 PM
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Yeah, I get where you are going I think. I should have put this in a blog area, not general discussions. It really didn't belong here. Sorry everyone, Redpepper agrees that If I post something on a forum that I should be open for discussion. My bad.

I'm done
Take care
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Last edited by MonoVCPHG; 11-17-2009 at 05:03 PM.
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  #20  
Old 11-17-2009, 05:01 PM
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Thank you for sharing, I have a partner that I can just see, hear and feel these exact words/feelings coming from and it is PEACEFUL to know we are not alone in our journey.
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