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Old 01-29-2012, 08:09 AM
bailey bailey is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2012
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Default nother newby to Poly

Hi there

am researching what the proper term what my hubby and I are going thru... looks like I found the right term. Polyamory.

long story short... happily married for two decades... hubby fell in love with someone else and didnt know what was happening. i found out...technically it was an affair. he didnt want it to be an affair and wanted to be open with me (we had talked early in our marriage of open marriage and did look into swinging etc but it didnt sit well with us so we been a mono couple for long time). I was grieving and shocked when I initially found out about my hubby girlfriend. it hurt me big time. then i thought about it long and hard... as he still loves me...but also loves his new partner... i couldnt tell him to cut off new tie as I know it would then put a strain on our relationship. i love him too much. so I talked to him about the idea if he has keeps this relationship and the other person would be his girlfriend and I am still his spouse. if this is something he needs right now. he was happy I was willing to compromise we hadnt known about poly at the time. he is surprised himself that he is able to love two different women at same time. Since then we been open and more honest, talking about our feelings... i still have roller coaster feelings and our sex life is awesome and even better lately. Hes been helping more with the kids and at home etc. wow. I like this "new" recharged person. So I am not complaining. How long will this last? can he keep it up with two partners, family, work etc? (will save this question for another forum).

we then did some research on open marriage, got the books... Opening Up, and Sex at Dawn and researched some more as its not just about sex or one night stands or both partner going out but a real relationship and one person of the couple is poly.

We did explore about me becoming poly...the idea is tempting but at this time its not something i want. i am happy with my hubby.

Glad to find this forum and I think this is where we fit.

Its just been a month since I found out about my hubbys girlfriend (now 2 months together). We have come a long way in a short while.

I have lots of questions to ask... need some support from others who understand. esp from mono spouse.

Thanks.
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  #2  
Old 01-29-2012, 08:13 AM
CrystalLiving CrystalLiving is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: USA
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Default Sign me up for that...

Quote:
Originally Posted by bailey View Post
We did explore about me becoming poly...the idea is tempting but at this time its not something i want. i am happy with my hubby.


I have lots of questions to ask... need some support from others who understand. esp from mono spouse.

Thanks.

Like Bailey-- I too would love to hear from the Mono Spouse(s) of this site.

Good suggestion!

CL
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  #3  
Old 01-29-2012, 08:20 AM
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Phy Phy is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Germany
Posts: 605
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Hello and welcome.

Quote:
I have lots of questions to ask... need some support from others who understand. esp from mono spouse.
Glad that you found a good place in your relationship again after such a rough start. As I am the poly one in my relationships, I won't go into detail, but if you ever in need of a mono mindset and unable to find this special support, I will be happy to mediate between my two mono men and you if there are specific questions you like to discuss. They could offer the point of view of men who feel comfortable in a MFM vee.

All the best in your endeavour, Phy.
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Facts: 30, female, bi, v-type relationship with Sward (husband, straight, mono) and Lin (boyfriend, straight, mono), poly-fi and co-primary.

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