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  #41  
Old 01-12-2012, 08:07 PM
km34 km34 is offline
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I feel like there has been a complete shift in everything since I last posted about this. lol Not necessarily in a good way, but I'm not devastated, so.. Yeah.

Fiona still sucks at talking to me. Not sure why, but for some reason she doesn't feel like she can tell me when things bother her. She has been stressing about how Mario and I interact. I am a huge tease (my husband calls me an emotional sadist) and Mario loves it. Fiona doesn't get it. So, I will say things that if you didn't know me would sound terribly mean, but I am 100% joking and will always say what I really think very soon afterward to avoid confusion. Well, Fiona will read some of the texts I send Mario, but not all of them and will read some of the things he sends me, but not everything and feels like we're being mean to each other and aren't getting along. And apparently when I am trying to be completely honest and supportive, I come off as angry (case in point: I told them the other day that if they wanted some Saturday evenings to get to know other people or hang out with other friends, Keith and I have things we want to do that aren't kid-friendly so we could do that. Fiona thought I was upset that they would have other interests, while in reality I meant it. I wouldn't mind doing some of the stuff Keith and I have talked about.).

So anyway, with this whole perceived conflict between Mario and me (which he and I discussed and agree doesn't really exist), Fiona was struggling, much like I was, with trying to make everyone happy. I finally told her to just do what she wants and everyone else will deal. Later in the evening I told the group (the 4 of us were all hanging out at that point), that I was going to start practicing what I preached and unless someone specifically asked me not to do something, I was going to do what I want. lol It seems harsh even to me, but if they're not comfortable telling me what they want then I shouldn't have to always be second guessing myself. I won't purposefully hurt anyone and I will be honest about my plans and give everyone a chance to react, but I'm not going to change my plans unless there is an outright reason to.

To me, this feels like the beginning of the end. Already. Fiona still seems uncomfortable talking about our relationship as a relationship (it is always 'this situation we have going on' or something like that) and even after multiple requests on my side to talk to me, doesn't tell me when something is bothering her. She didn't tell me about thinking I was upset Saturday night and 4 days later!

Oh, and she told me last night that she is really fine with me going to the club without her. Whether it's true or not, I can't tell, because she acts really weird every time she brings it up. But yeah, the end of this month, Keith and I are going. Or at least that's the plan for now.
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  #42  
Old 01-13-2012, 07:42 PM
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AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
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I can't stand it when people can't/won't just say what's on their minds even when they're directly asked. :/ It sounds like you're doing everything you possibly could to invite dialogue, it really sucks to do that and feel like you're not getting something back.
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  #43  
Old 01-14-2012, 12:37 AM
km34 km34 is offline
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Thanks, Annabel. I know I've tried, and I know she knows I'm here if she feels the need to talk, so I feel like I've done what I can. I have actually been successfully not worrying about it.

Our "date" is a week away, so I think it will be interesting to say how she acts when it's just the two of us going to the play together. She didn't want my sister along so that we could act freely, so I'm curious to see how she will choose to behave when we are in public together without our husbands.
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  #44  
Old 01-16-2012, 05:09 PM
km34 km34 is offline
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This weekend was pretty great. Well, Saturday was, anyway. Fiona and Mario had a sitter lined up, but their son got really sick on Friday so they didn't want him to be around other kids (the sitter has a daughter his age) in case he was still carrying something on Saturday.

Instead of going out to the adult places we planned on (a bar with a comedy show going on and a Hooters-like restaurant that is more risque), we went to a kind of artsy area of town and walked the main street. I found some specialty food that fits my grandma's diet, we shopped at a record store (Mario and I are vinyl fans), and we ate at one of my favorite places ever that I hadn't been to in almost a year. There were a crazy amount of ducks in the canal for it being only like 20 degrees, so when Mario was having issues paying for something, I took the kid outside to watch the ducks which was fun too. He is only 2 (almost 3), but he is crazy quick. I told him one of the ducks was going to get him - it was walking towards us on the sidewalk - and he very dramatically threw his hands up and said "OH, NO!" All the while trying to look concerned but really just watching me to make sure I laughed. After dinner, we all went back to Mario and Fiona's place, their son went to bed, and we watched a movie and then the porn spoof of said movie. Keith and I had planned on being home by midnight and instead we were back at 3:30am. Oops!

Then Sunday was kind of weird.... Keith and I hung out with my sis and her husband then we went over to Fiona and Mario's for our weekly Sunday cartoons. Everyone (besides Keith) was kind of in a bad mood. Mario and I were getting along great, which seemed to frustrate Fiona because we were laughing and making jokes while she was rushing around trying to find something. She never told us WHAT she was looking for, though, so she kind of calmed down when she realized we hadn't helped because she never answered us when we asked her what she needed. We played games and Mario was losing, so he got pissy. Then I was tired and had a headache so when people kept interrupting me when I was trying to deal the cards or actually take my turn, I got frustrated. It was just madness. We actually DID get home at a decent hour, though, so that was nice.

Oh, and we've all joined FetLife. Keith joined first (because I made him lol), then I joined, then Fiona, then Mario. Fiona linked her profile to mine (it actually says we're in a relationship!) and she seemed a lot more comfortable referring to me as girlfriend and saying we're in a relationship after she took that step.... I'm trying to be cautiously optimistic that us all being more open about our sexual interests and getting involved in an accepting community (the kink community around here is great - amazing people) will help us all be more comfortable just being with each other.

Keith is somewhat concerned that Mario is starting to have deeper feelings for me. Concerned may not be the right word since he isn't WORRIED about it, he just isn't sure if it's what I want so he wants me to watch how I act. Mario and I get along great. In many ways we really are like the same person with different genitalia (Fiona's joke). He's started holding my hand - a lot - when we are sitting around watching tv. He hugs me all the time, even when we're all just out walking around various shops I'll say something he appreciates and he'll hug me and tell me that's why he likes me. I don't know.
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  #45  
Old 01-19-2012, 06:39 PM
km34 km34 is offline
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Spent an incredibly long evening with Fiona last night. Long in a good way - i.e. we were alone, Mario went out, and we got naked together for the first time without anyone else being around. lol It was kind of a big deal to us since neither of us are good at initiating sex. We were still naked when Mario got home, and I felt kind of bad (not really) because Fiona wasn't in the mood AT ALL anymore. Apparently I wore her out... Oops!

On the downside, when I got home at 3am, my puppy (not really a puppy, she's over a year old) had half of her face all swollen and it hasn't gone down much so I am taking her to the vet. There is a little wound underneath her jaw so I'm guessing the dogs played too rough and she has a bit of an infection in there from a puncture wound. Poor thing. She doesn't seem to be in pain at all even when I cleaned the area or poke at it. No redness or bleeding either, so I'm not terribly concerned. Better safe than sorry, though!
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  #46  
Old 01-24-2012, 03:28 AM
km34 km34 is offline
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Everything is pretty awesome for the moment... Fiona and I went on our date Saturday and it was great. We held hands while walking down the street in the snow, drank some delicious coffee, saw an amazing play, and talked a lot. I think she is almost ready to tell some of my family that we're dating. At least my sister and her husband and my cousin who we see all the time which is good, because every time I was going to kiss Fiona someone would start walking towards us. Usually it was Keith or Mario, but I wouldn't do it in case it was someone who doesn't know. My only complaint of the evening! It was really hard to NOT act couple-y in front of them at dinner Saturday night. Granted, Mario and I struggle to act "normal" too, but I think everyone just assumes it's our perviness that makes us act weird.
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  #47  
Old 01-26-2012, 04:17 AM
km34 km34 is offline
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My sister and her husband are well on their way of figuring out my and Fiona's relationship, I'm sure... Oh, well. It was really only a matter of time, and I am fairly certain Fiona is okay with them knowing as long as nothing gets awkward (which it won't). So, yes. That's one thing I'm not too worried about anymore.

Keith and I also got invited to the swing club by some people we met there last time. I told Fiona, she seemed completely okay with it, even more so after I said I'd come hang out with her Saturday morning/afternoon before we go since we usually spend Saturday evenings together and we won't be this week. I wasn't sure how she'd react since this couple only seemed interested in Keith and me, even though the four of us were pretty much a unit the last time we were at the club. So far so good, though.

Other than that, not much is going on. I'm enjoying it.
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  #48  
Old 01-27-2012, 06:50 PM
km34 km34 is offline
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Ugh... Fiona just texted me... Apparently she's NOT okay with me going to the club. Earlier we'd agreed we would try to play with someone together before doing things separately. Well, she and Mario haven't been putting in any effort at all. Now the last week and a half or so, Mario has been working like crazy so it hasn't been an option, but what about all the time before that? Mario isn't interested in going to the club, so we pretty much have to meet another woman or a couple that will be willing to play with all of us or at least me and Fiona together, although if it is a couple then it has to be all of us since Mario and Fiona don't play separately. But anytime I mention trying to find someone, they put it off.

So, Keith is at work and won't be able to text for at least another 2 hours. Fiona is texting me now, and I have no idea what to say to Fiona. She doesn't want me to cancel our plans because it makes her feel guilty, but she doesn't want me going because it makes her feel insecure or jealous or something similar to those emotions. I feel like sh*t either way, because if I cancel, Keith (and the people we are supposed to meet at the club) are disappointed and if I don't cancel, Fiona is upset.

I'm glad she's telling me how she feels about it, but I wish she would have said so in the beginning BEFORE I told Keith and the other people that we would go. I told her we got invited before responding to the invitation to see how she felt about it. When she said ok, I thought she meant OK!

I feel like this is my fault. I don't know if I should have just told Fiona that I won't play with ANYONE (except Keith) but that Keith wants to go for the atmosphere so we are going to go anyway - which would be kind of a compromise- OR if I should have told Keith we just can't go at all until Fiona is 100% okay with it - which would be ignoring Keith's wishes to make Fiona feel better. Either way, I would have taken a strong stance instead of being all wishy-washy. UGH!
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  #49  
Old 01-27-2012, 07:05 PM
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BrigidsDaughter BrigidsDaughter is offline
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Sometimes you just need to go. Sometimes your lover just needs to sit with their uncomfortable feelings and trust that you won't break any agreements. You said that you wouldn't play with anyone else but Keith while you were there; which is fair to both of them. You never said that you wouldn't go and honestly, as uncomfortable as she might be, she said she was okay and you made a commitment. What she needs to see now is that you can go and keep your promise; she may not realize that, but the longer you both put it off, the harder it will be because she won't be dealing with/ working through the emotions.
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  #50  
Old 01-27-2012, 08:24 PM
km34 km34 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BrigidsDaughter View Post
You said that you wouldn't play with anyone else but Keith while you were there; which is fair to both of them.
That's how I felt, but she's told me flat out that she would prefer me to not go at all, so no matter what I'm going to feel guilty (whether it is logical or not is another issue).
  • If I go and only play with Keith - I feel guilty for going at all, and for limiting what Keith can do with my limitations.
  • If I go and do whatever seems fun for Keith and I - I feel guilty for not respecting a boundary that could make going acceptable.
  • If I don't go at all - I feel guilty for not doing the one thing Keith has been genuinely excited about in a while.
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